What a week!

My sweetest guy ( Jackson) had a potty accident at school. He needed to potty before they went out to play, but the light was off and he couldn't reach it so he tried to hold it until they were going to come back in from playing. Poor guy couldn't make it. So we get a call that he didn't have spare clothes in his cubby. So I had to go to the store to get him something really quick, seeing as how we live in the middle of nowhere, it's easier and faster to go buy something, so I go look and conveniently got stuck in a long line and lots of traffic. The school said he only needed pants and undies. DH specifically asked about his shoes, no they were fine, supposedly. So I get there about 40-45 minutes later, ugh, and I start to clean him up, look in his cubby for wipes, and to my surprise, there are shorts and clean undies in there. Also to my surprise, his socks and shoes were soaked! The teacher ( who we've had LOTS of issues with) had supposedly checked the cubby and there weren't clothes in there and she didn't even notice his shoes and socks were wet, hence why she told them he only needed undies and pants. So I wasted all of this time, going to the store and him hanging around in school with wet pants, undies, socks and shoes, uncomfortable, dirty, and probably embarrassed for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON!!! I was livid to say the least. I chewed out the teacher and had a long talk with the director. The teacher also had the nerve to confront me the next day, in front of the assistant director, and I made her look like a total idiot. They have been informed this teacher is to never watch Jackson again, or I'm pulling him out of school. Like I said earlier, I had had plenty of issues with her before. This was my last straw. My poor sweet little guy!!! As if this wasn't bad enough for him, I took him to school today, he was all happy and a friend came up and gave him a hug, when another student runs up and starts choking him! OMG!!! Supposedly this boy has "issues" and his parents are looking into medications for him. What a hard week for my little man.

Elena has had a hard week as well. My poor little girl went in for her one year checkup today and she has RSV. Still has a slight fever that he thinks will be gone in a day or two, she's had the fever for almost a week now. Also she has her first ear infection, probably brought on by the congestion from the RSV. Poor little girl!!! I had no idea, she hasn't been tugging at it or anything. She's been happy, but very clingy and will cry unless I hold her. He said the cough could last up to a month. My poor little baby! I hope she is feeling much better by Christmas.

I did manage to at least get out my Christmas cards and Thank You's. I still have lots of wrapping to do, and we've got to work on getting started clearing out the bedroom. We're going to try to get the floors in the living room and bedroom done over Christmas break. Wish us luck, we're doing it ourselves. Mom's going to take the kids for a couple of days, if Elena is well by then.

Still here

Well, I made it through Elena's first birthday. Poor little girl ended up getting Jackson's cold and was so pitiful on her actual birthday. She did seem to perk up a little from her cake and presents though, lol. I'm proud of myself for not crying. I really thought I would be a wreck, but not too bad, although it is sad seeing my little girl growing up sometimes. We were supposed to go to the Preds game, but the kids weren't feeling well, so we stayed home. She did like her lamb cake though.

Friday John's dad and stepmom came into town. It was a nice little quick visit, but I wish Elena had been feeling better so they could have enjoyed her more. They still seemed to have a good time though. Now I've just got to get the house cleaned and back to normal and get through until Christmas. Wow, this year has really flown by!

The kids are still sick and now John and I are feeling a little ill as well, gosh I feel like we have been sick all year. Very frustrating! I'm still feeling the blues and guess I really just need to work harder on getting out of this rut and being more positive. I swear I get depressed at the drop of a hat, without any warning or cause. That's one reason I haven't blogged much is I just don't have much good to say, so why say anything?

I took Jackson to see Alvin and the Chipmunks today with his best friend. It was really cute, but I got a glimpse into the future when he doesn't want much to do with me and only wants to be around his friends, sigh. Depressing moment for a Mama's boy Mommy.

I still have to get thank you cards out, couldn't manage it since we've all been sick, and need to get out my Christmas cards. Gonna take the kids to see Santa Friday. I hope Elena does well.

It's almost over

I made it through Jackson's birthday and the kids birthday party, all I have to do is make it through Elena's first birthday. That will be tough.

So my little man turned 4 last Wednesday. We invited his best friend to McDonald's to play and they had a great time. We went home and did presents and he had a really good time. My MIL got into town Thursday, and the kids had a blast with her. They really love her. They all went to the game Thursday night, which was supposed to give me a night to relax, but I had last minute party favors to find and didn't get home until late, oh well.

So the party came and gone. Yes it was a pain getting all the stuff prepared, but it was fun, and the kids had a really great time. The turnout wasn't too bad, although we had a few last minute cancellations, and some people who I expected to show up, didn't. It was still nice, and the kids seemed to have a good time. I was late, ugh, yes, hard to believe I know, I was getting last minute party stuff and picking up ice cream, that I forgot to put out. lol Overall I guess it went pretty well.

Saturday night, my MIL watched the kids for us and we went to the game without them, very strange, but it was a nice flashback of the old days. When things were easy and stress free. We went to the game and then out to dinner. When we got home, Elena of course was asleep, but Jackson was wide awake and WIRED. It was 11:30 at night!!!! Needless to say we put him to bed. Sunday we went to The Avenue, to try more pics for the Christmas cards, I think they will work, now just setting it up. Then off to Target, where Elena proceeded to barf all over me. yay!!! yuck! So I thought I would just buy a new shirt, but then I figured the time it would take to try stuff on and find something I liked, I decided to just wash it in the bathroom and use those super powered hand dryers they have to dry it. It worked and off we went to TRU to use the kids gift cards they got from Geoffrey. Jackson got Pokemon cards, what a freaking waste of money and those things are expensive!!! Elena got a musical phone, much more practical. Then MIL took them home and off for a date. Yea!!!

We went to see Awake, which was pretty good. I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was supposed to be about, but remembered it had looked good. It was. Then we went to dinner at Logan's. It was really good too! Then home, and to visit with MIL before she left. Now I have a messy house to clean, a sick child, and lots of presents to go through and write thank yous. Oh and a first birthday Thursday. Wow, this year has really flown by.

I Dream of Jenna

I had a dream of Jenna last night. She came from Heaven to visit some of us Moms from her group . She was so happy to see everyone and we went out for a night on the town to dance and party. It wasn't a long dream, but it was good. It seemed so real, and we were all just having so much fun laughing and she was hugging and kissing everyone. She was just so glad to get the chance to return even if just for a little while. We had a great time and then she had to leave because she was going to go visit Mark and the kids for a little bit before she had to return. It makes me sad that she is gone, but it was so nice to see her again, happy and full of life as she always was. I miss you Jenna!

Another year goes by

Thanksgiving has come and gone and with that brings another year of being older and wiser??? lol My birthday was nice though. Usually I dread them and I complain of it being the worst birthday ever, it's kind of my thing, but this year was pretty darn nice. I decided not to go visit my family in Dickson and instead stay at home with my family ( husband, kids). It was really nice and low key. We didn't make a big meal, but it was nice to just relax and I got some nice gifts. Jackson was so thrilled with the Halloween earrings he picked out for me, and I got a nice frame with some pics of the kids put in it, some jewelry, clothes, some ornaments and flowers and a cake. Oh and I finally got breakfast in bed. Woo hoo!!! We went to the Preds game that evening and they won, so another nice gift. The next day was the after Thanksgiving Day sales so even though I didn't go to bed until after midnight, I was up at 3 to get ready to be at Kohl's by 4. Yes I am crazy, I needed to get a DVD player for my sweet little boy ( third time's a charm right?) and got some great gifts for the kids and a memory foam pillow for me. I went with a friend, and we got lots of shopping done and I have to say, it's much easier doing BF shopping with a friend. I got almost everything on my list and then we got some breakfast.

After, the shopping, I went to work for a little bit and then we took the kids to the clay studio to do handprints for my birthday. Not an easy task with an almost 1 and 4 year old, but I'm sure the end result will be worth it. I can't wait to pick up the finished product.

My Mom took the kids Saturday so John and I could have a date night. We didn't get to go see the movie we wanted, but were able to finally try Bonefish Grille. It was really good!!! I had a Pomegranate martini and it was delish!!!! I will definitely order that again, it was much better than my first martini experience, lol. If you don't know ask me sometime.

We also bought some wood laminate to re-do our living room and bedroom. I can't wait to get rid of our awful carpet!!! We got the kiddos back today and things are back to normal. Tomorrow should be pretty busy. I can't believe my little boy will be four in 10 days!!!!! Wow this year is flying by!

Busy Busy

Wow, the past couple of weeks has just been so busy, I'm ready to slow down and take a deep breath, but I guess that will have to wait. I went to a consignment sale tonight with Tanya and then we went to dinner. I didn't think the sale was that good, but somehow managed to still spend too much, darn hairbows. Dinner was yummy, but Elena has been such a handful the past couple of weeks. I'm hoping it's just teething. She wants to be held, you hold her, she wants down, then cries and screams and wants you to hold her. Oh yes, my little diva in training. Boys are so much simpler.

Tomorrow I have a Preds game, Friday another consignment sale, and then Tastefully Simple party. Saturday is Sesame Street and another Preds game. Maybe Sunday I can take a breath. We finally got the invites finished and mailed. Woo hoo!!! I hope we get a good turnout. Jackson really loves to have friends to play with. My Mom's group is having a Santa party the same day, so I hope that doesn't affect the turnout too horribly. We invited lots of kiddos. Yes, I think I may be crazy for inviting so many, but hey, the party is all about the kids and I want them to have fun, who really needs the sanity, huh? lol

Still in disbelief

I'm still amazed this year is passing so quickly! I've been designing the kids invitations and trying to plan their party and I just can't believe how close it is. I've got a little over 3 weeks to get this party ready. I've still got to get the invitations printed, mailed, goodie bags, cakes ordered, gifts to buy. Wow, it's coming so quickly. I'm still sad that my little girl is going to be one soon, she's walking more, talking more, and pretty soon I will be weaning her. It's so sad and hard to deal with. She's my last and it's tough.

Work is going pretty well. There's lots to do and of course never enough time to do it. I need to get John to get in the attic and get the lights and stuff down for Christmas too. Wow, Thanksgiving is early this year, it just doesn't seem possible that it's almost Christmas time. My birthday is coming up too. Groan, another year older. It's funny how as a child they come so slowly and you look forward to them, and as you get older, they come much too quickly and you dread them almost. lol

This weekend I went to Bunco/candle party and had a good time. Saturday was a Preds game, I had to cancel my Avon meeting since John had a migraine and didn't even wake up until 30 minutes after the meeting started. Sunday we had a playdate at the park, and then we took the kids shopping to see what kind of stuff they REALLY wanted for birthday and Christmas.

This week, I have lots of work to do, a consignment sale and a Preds game. Well, off to take a nice hot bubble bath. That's my postive thought of the day. lol

6 weeks! eek!

I was looking at the calendar today, in disbelief at how quickly this year has gone by, and noticed in just 6 short weeks, my beautiful little baby girl is going to be 1. One!!! How can this be??? It seems like only a few short months ago I was bringing her home. What does that birthday bring? Becoming more of a toddler instead of a baby, her first birthday party, hopefully walking, and weaning my little girl. Wow!!! It's all coming so quickly, I just can't believe it.

The kids will be having their joint birthday party in 5 weeks. My birthday will be here in a few short weeks, groan. Thanksgiving, Christmas shopping, two birthdays in December. Oh my!!! Why does time drag so slowly while you are young, and when you get older it flies? I just need to step back and just take it all in. My babies are growing and I try to enjoy all these moments because I know they are fleeting. When I get annoyed that my son wants my attention when I am busy, when I get pretty artwork or gifts from my son, when they both light up when they see me, I realize to appreciate and treasure this time while I have it. There will come a time all too soon, when they don't want to shower me with hugs and kisses, when instead of pretty things they made or found for me, they scream and shout about how they hate me and I've ruined their life ( let's hope not, but in all reality, it will probably happen, that's the way kids can be). For now, I will just take the extra time to soak it all in, to take all of these mental pictures and savor the memories. My sweet little babies.....

Time Flies

Wow, it's been a while since I posted and yet it seems like it's been much longer than it has been. Well, I'm at least mostly out of my funk. I was feeling a little blue yesterday, but overall things are better. John did finally find his keys, they had fallen into the diaper bag. Let's see, what all has has happened?

Right now Jackson is screaming on the naughty stool, oh the joys of a spoiled rotten almost 4 year old. He's been having a lot more fits lately, I have to admit I was much more lax while sick, and now we're all paying the price.

I am finally starting to feel much better but am still on my antibiotics. I need to get better so I can go get my flu shot. I need to get the kids flu shots this week. Work has been pretty busy and I just can't believe how quickly this year is flying by.

Elena has begun taking a few steps on her own here and there, I can't wait until she can start walking, she gets so frustrated that she can't on her own. She also received her first kiss at MDO a little over a week ago. She kissed him back. My gosh, they start younger and younger don't they? She got another kiss from him this week, but fortunately she didn't kiss him back. She also learned how to drink from a straw. I'm amazed at how quickly she learned that.

Jackson is doing good, although his eating is horrific and his fits are killing us. I'm going to have to work much harder with him. He's so smart and strong willed it makes it very difficult. John is feeling better as well too. I swear, I don't know how he sleeps through stuff. I got very little to no sleep last night. Ever since I had kids, I sleep even lighter than before. Plus I had a kitten that kept attacking my feet and hair all night. Two cats fighting in the night, Jackson fell out of bed and Elena woke up at 4. Somehow he manages to sleep through most of this. HTH?????

Last night we went to the Predators game and I ended up not enjoying the game at all. It was nice to see Vokoun back, but I was actually hoping the Panther would win, as I will always be a die hard Vokoun fan, and surprisingly the Preds won. They have been horrible lately and yet, the one game I want them to lose, they win. grrr. Vokoun gave up the game winning goal with less than a minute to go. I hated to see him lose like that. I left the arena an unhappy camper, epspecially since the kids were driving us nuts last night too, and John lost a top to Elena's bottle. I don't know how I have so many bottles and so few caps for them. Where the heck do they go????

I might take the kids to the flea market today, John has to work, and then maybe ROCCtoberfest. My cousin is supposed to come up next week to build our new deck. Keep your fingers crossed!

Guilt and Insignifance

Friday night we went out for an early anniversary celebration. We saw Lisa Lampinelli and she was hysterical. We had a good time, even found a good parking spot. Went out to eat afterwards and overall had a nice evening although we were hacking coughing the whole time. Not the most romantic of anniversaries but oh well, at least we got to go out. Saturday we met my Mom and got the kids, boy was I happy to see them! We met at the zoo for Jackson's last zoo class. The zoo was packed!!! We stayed and looked at some of the animals, rode the carousel, etc. Was fun and had a long day. Then it was home to get changed really quick and back to Nashville for the Predators game. Whew! I swear we are always doing too much and even though it wears me out and I think how nice a break would be, I still plan too many things for us to do. The game wasn't too good, we lost. John thinks we jinxed the goalie by naming the cat Mason, and he might be right. I just think it goes to show that we should never have gotten rid of Vokoun, oh well.

Well I've been on a roll with griping lately, and today is no different, so if you are sick of hearing me whine, please stop reading this now. Last night was a particularly hard night for me. I didn't get any sleep Saturday night, I was up coughing and had a horrible headache from all of the coughing. Then we had to get up and get ready to go to Dickson for my nephew's birthday party. John and I exchanged anniversary cards. I was a little disappointed he didn't get me anything and of course I let that fester over the course of the day to where it became a big deal that evening. More on that later. So we're running late as usual, Jackson is being a pill, and John has somehow lost his keys. Yay!!! So we go to Dickson, the kids have a big time at the playground, my little cutie of course didn't eat, not even cake. Well Elena did, she always eats, but Jackson didn't. His eating is getting really scary and horrible again. We're on the way home , stopped to potty and asked Jackson if he wanted to pee, nope. So on the road again, two minutes later, guess who wants to stop to pee? Yep, my little guy. grrr. So we stop to pee, he says he doesn't have to go anymore. aaargghhh. I made him go anyway since we made a special stop for him. We're getting closer to home and had to stop once again to get gas. Well, while John was cleaning the windshield, Jackson announced he had to poop. I told John, who takes his time I might add to get him, well too late, he had pooped his pants. Yucky runny green poop. Yay, can we say Happy anniversary? So he's crying, Elena's crying and I feel like curling up into a ball and crying as well. geesh. We finally get home, the kids were driving me crazy and John as well, so I had to escape outside just to get a moment's peace where I proceed to have a total meltdown.

You see, first of all I have a history of depression, I am bipolar, my father was as well, in which I should probably be taking medication, but don't. Long story there as to why I am so hesitant to take anything. But the things that were bothering me are the guilt and insignificance that I am feeling. First, the guilt. I feel guilty for Maggie, my first lost female cat that disappeared early this year. The last time I saw her, I was feeding Elena, and kind of nudged her with my foot, to get out of the way. I've still never found her and it really bothers me. I loved her and I never got my closure, which is something I require. Next, Penelope, my other female cat that is still missing. I feel guilty because although I did try to bring her back in, I feel like I should have made sure to get her, since I knew we were going to going to be gone all day. She was old, partially deaf, and I feel so guilty like it's all my fault she's gone, and well, really it is. Once again, no closure as I have no idea if she is alive or dead. Then my son, who I feel like I have failed with the eating issues and his being so spoiled. All my fault.

Next comes the insignificance. My Mom who thinks John can do no wrong, which drives me crazy. She even wanted me to give him my antibiotics so he could get better. Hello, what about me? The person who has been sick on and off for 4-5 months now. The anniversary which was barely celebrated on Sunday by a lonely card. Yes, we did go out Friday, but I still felt like he could have made some effort. The tickets I had bought. He did give me flowers Saturday, which were nice since he never buys me flowers anymore, but on Sunday our actual anniversary, he made no effort. It didn't have to be an extravagant gift, even just a little something, even just breakfast in bed, anything to show he can make an effort. When I complained later about no gift, he said I had too much crap anyway. That made me feel bad. Like I am of no importance or something. I told him it didn't have to be much, just anything, any sort of effort. This hurts as most gifts I put a lot of thought into. I sometimes just walk around feeling invisible, like I don't make a difference or the difference that I make, is more of an error, like my son's eating issues. Maybe I just need to re-discover myself. I used to feel like I contributed to the world, like I made a difference, but now, I feel lost.

If you've made it this far you are either a good friend, or you just like hearing other's misery, either way, thanks for letting me vent. It's good therapy. Oh, and John still can't find his keys. I just pray he dropped them inside the house somewhere and not outside where someone can find them. Now, on to my positve ending:
I got two really cute wine bottle stoppers from my family.

What is up?

What the hell did I did to upset the balance of my karma so much that I am having such bad luck lately? Granted, I know most people think I am a bitch, but really I am very sweet and sensitive under this sometimes gruff exterior. Even though I don't really care what people think about me, I do. And even though I don't care much for people, I care if they don't care back. It's a vicious cycle.

So I do believe in karma, I believe you reap what you sow, but what the heck did I do to deserve this bad rash of luck? I don't know, but something's got to give soon. I'm trying like heck to be positive, but come on universe, cut me some slack so that I may actually be positive instead of this griping mean old you know what.

I'm not gonna gripe on all the bad tonight, it would take too much time and energy. I am worried however about hubby. His blood pressure is through the roof and he has to go back to the dr next week to get it re-taken. I pray that he will be okay. We have our spats, more now than I would like, but we've been together for 18 years, and he's my life, along with the kids. If you all could say a little prayer for him, I would greatly appreciate it.

Elena has finally sprouted a tiny little nub of a tooth. Woo hoo! I thought she would be my gummy little girl forever. Jackson is finally feeling better, thank goodness. He scared me so badly last night. His fever was 104, and I just really don't like to see my babies that sick, it's so heartbreaking. Kitty's purring in my lap right now, oh and biting me, bad kitty, he's such a little cutie.

We're going out on our date tomorrow night for our anniversary. I pray my Mom has no problems with the kids and that we have a nice time. It's my first time away from Leny overnight, it will be so odd. My Mom wants to keep her until Sunday, I just don't think I can do that just yet. I have a hard enough time with her taking Jackson for one night.

Well, I still have a million and one things to do tonight, so I guess I need to end this on a positive note, even though I don't feel like it. Here goes:
Even though times are tough, at least I'm still here to go through it.

Sigh...

What a horrible and crazy week last week was. My kitty is still missing. I haven't seen her in over a week. Elena was hell last week, but fortunately she's been much better this week. Jackson has been good, but he just got in my lap a minute ago and he's got a fever. Poor kid. This is also not good, because Elena will be in MDO tomorrow and I was really needing to get a lot of work done while she was gone. Not sure if I will take him to work at least half a day or not. I just pray he doesn't he get what John has. John's been sick the past few days with a fever, chills, body aches, etc, but he is a little better now than he was. I was just hoping that John would get better quickly and not spread what he has. We've got a date Friday night to go see one of my favorite comedians, and we were going to celebrate our anniversary, so cross your fingers the kids will be fine by then.

John and I had a date night last Friday and went to go see Korn and Hellyeah. It was fun and reminded us of when we first started dating. Saturday was zoo class which was nice that we saw a sloth, but after the class, poor Margie had a flat tire. I found a super nice couple to change it for her and then we were going to take the boys to McD. Good idea right? WRONG. I had an accident while trying to park, backed up and never saw the guy. He was furious. He had just bought his car, but it really wasn't bad at all. Mine is twice as bad as his and mine still only has $560 worth of damage. Anyway, the great thing was not only was he really mean to me, but I had decided not to bring my purse with me, and although I had grabbed my insurance card, Kroger card, and debit card, I conveniently forgot my Drivers License. Yay!!! So thank goodness the cops when I called them told me to just download the report and mail it in. I thought that was odd, but at least a little luck was on my side. Margie was a great friend to go buy my booze, since I had no ID with me. This by the way, was the same McD, that we went to last week after zoo class and a guy backed into me, fortunately he didn't do any damage. Yes, I am NEVER going back to that McD.

So, I'm on the way home and need to stop by Kroger for some meds for John and Elena, and of course Jackson fell asleep. I was going to just go pick up lunch for John and I, drop Jackson off at the house and go back into town, which is 15 min each way just to go get some meds. Well there was a Walgreens right next to where I was getting lunch. I tried to wake Jackson up and he was still sleeping, so the bad mommy in me thought, okay, I'll lock the car, run into the store and get the meds and will be in and out in 2-3 minutes. So I go to open the door, my handle breaks off. So I run in and get the meds, which of course one of the meds he wanted, I had to get at the pharmacy and I thought that would be fine, but then of course she asked for my ID which I didn't have so had to get something else. So I go out to the car, and I swear I had been in there like 2 minutes, I literally ran in and out, well wouldn't you know it, my child had woken up, and he was crying. I felt like the worst Mom in the world!

I was supposed to go to the game Saturday night but Elena was still a little sick, so I stayed home with her and John took Jackson to the game. John was sick all weekend.

I got the accident repair quote today. I figured it wasn't much damage, and wouldn't you know it, it was around $560 and my deductible is $500, so guess I won't bother get it fixed right now. It's only cosmetic damage on an old van, so it doesn't really bother me much.

Okay so I guess I need to end on a positive note. We got a new addition to our family tonight. A little male black and white kitten. He's very laid back and we all love him. I hope he can bring a little life back to our family to replace the loneliness of not having a pet at home. This is the first time in 18 years, ever since John and I started dating that we haven't had a pet at home. He's very sweet, already litter trained and very laid back. I hope he will fit in nicely. The kids adore him and Jackson wants to name him Sebastian, after our male cat that died this year. We'll see. I hope we can come up with a perfect name for him, but he is the kids cat and so it's kind of Jackson's call I suppose.

Busy, busy

Well, we've been very busy as usual. Since last posting, Jackson had his zoo class, which was very cute. We got to see a screech owl and a "singing" wild dog. Very cute. We went to Dickson for my BIL's 40th birthday and were supposed to go to the Predators pre-season game, but we stayed at the party too long, so we missed it. Sunday John and I went out on a date. Very nice, since we really needed some "couple time". We went to see Mr. Woodcock, silly but good. Then off to the Chop House. I LOVE their crab cakes, they are the best!!! It was very nice to have a little alone time. When we got home it was back to reality. Poor Jackson was coughing so hard, he vomitted. So off to change the sheets and get him feeling better. Poor kiddo. I was worried maybe he had strep throat, but I think it's just some drainage from allergies or something. He's doing much better now.

Elena's on fall break at her MDO, ugh, she just started her MDO and they're already on fall break??? Crazy I tell you. So, I'm not getting much done at the shop with her, but darn, she's awfully cute. She's really coming into her own now. She's so cute and sweet and snuggly, I can't get enough some days. She's got such a great sense of humor too, which I realize is odd since she's only 9 months, but she does. She does this adorable thing where she scrunches up her face and does this little snorting noise and will do it back if you do it to her like a contest. It's adorable!!!

Work is fine, keeping busy. Need to get on some projects at home soon. We really need to finish Jackson's room, which turned out adorable, finish the living room, and start on the guest bathroom. Lots of projects as always. We're also hoping to get a new deck this year, courtesy of my Mom for my birthday, yay!!! I hope it works out. Then just got to look for an inexpensive hot tub. Woo hoo!!! I'm going to leave this post with that postive thought of getting a hot tub that me and hubby can enjoy. lol

Hump Day

Well, the week is halfway over, thank goodness. We've been pretty busy at work and will have an even busier weekend. Boy, I wish I could get away for a little vacation.

Monday was Elena's 9 month checkup. She is doing well. She's growing, although she is thinner than I would have thought, tall and skinny, unlike me or her daddy. Maybe she was switched at birth? lol She's 28" and 17 lbs 15 oz. She got bloodwork, poor little girl didn't like the needle and figured out how to get her bandaid off before we could leave the parking lot. She got blood everywhere. Of course she also tried to eat the bandaid. That girl will eat almost anything, I can't believe she's not a little chunker. Anyway, she is good. She's a little fearful of walking on her own, but she'll get it. She can stand for good periods of time now, so it won't be long. Her hair is so long now, and she pulls all barrettes/clips out of her hair and tries to eat them. Maybe I could get her to wear a headband? lol, doubt it. No haircut for her though, even though it's in her eyes horribly.

Jackson is doing great, wish he would eat better, but that's a neverending battle with him. We had a playdate at McD tonight and boy he had a good time. We have a busy weekend coming up. Zoo classes Saturday morning, a birthday party in Dickson in the afternoon, and then a Preds game that evening. Thank goodness I don't think we have plans Sunday. Hopefully we can get Elena's 9 month photos done and some family pics.

My new found positivity isn't going so well, lol gee that statement reflects it doesn't it. Oh well, I'll keep trying. I really just need a makeover or something. Okay positive note of the night:
I have 2 adorable, sweet precious kiddos that I am madly in love with, that make everything in my life worth living. It's funny how once you have kids you start to understand what your parents feel and went through. Although it's still impossible to think my Mom loves me as much as I love my kids, but it's an awesome feeling.

It's the weekend! Yay!

The week is done, whew, and it's been a tough one. I am going to eat some good food ( Camino Real) am drinking a margarita, yum, and will snuggle up and watch a movie with hubby. Nothing like taking it easy when you've been stressed and had a bad week.

Tomorrow will be an action packed day. We have zoo classes in the morning and then a pre-season Predators game. I hope Elena will do good. As a baby she did great last year, but we'll see how she does now. Wish us luck, because we have over 40 games to go to this year.

Sunday I am going to go to church, gasp, and then hopefully not work too much. Yes, we are working Sunday, groan.

From here on out I am going to try to end my posts with a positive note:
I got a big order at work out a few days early. woo hoo!!!

Copied from Chandra:

Two names you go by
1. Shannon
2. Mama/Mommy

Two things you are wearing right now
1. ugly comfy striped pants
2.black T-Shirt

Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship
1. Effective Communication
2. Everlasting Love

Two things you like to do
1. Hug my kids
2. watch tv

Two things you want very badly at the moment
1. Less worries, more happy times
2. to be thinner

Two things you did last night
1. worked late
2. gave the kids a bath and put to bed

Two things you ate today
1. donuts ( yes I am bad)
2. hot dog

Two people you last talked to
1. My husband
2. a customer

Two things you're doing tomorrow
1. working, blah
2. laundry

Two favorite holidays
1. Christmas without a doubt, I love everything about it
2.Halloween, I love dressing the kids up for trick or treating

Two favorite beverages
1. Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi
2. Wine-Red of course

Two jobs I have had in my life
1. hostess, ugh
2. video store

Two movies I would watch over and over
1. When Harry Met Sally, I can quote the whole movie
2. Fools Rush In

Two Places I Have Lived
1. Illinois
2. Tennessee

Two of My Favorite Foods
1. Mexican
2. Pizza

Two places I'd rather be right now
1. Home
2. On Vacation, preferably in Canada, Italy, or Hawaii.

Blah

I figured I should update, but you know I just don't feel like it. I feel horrible. This cold or sinus infection whatever has lasted for about a month now. I have coughed so much my ribs and head hurt terribly. On top of feeling crappy I have to work my butt off this week, and John even harder, so I get to be a single mom for the week as well. Blah!!!! Sorry for the gripes, but I feel like crap.

Hump Day

Well, the week is half over, yay!!! Work is starting to get busy, and yet, I'm having a hard time getting stuff done. Elena has school tomorrow, she will be oh so happy. My MIL is coming into town tomorrow, should be nice. She's not bad for an in-law, and Jackson completely adores her. She's not so good with Elena, but hopefully that will come soon since she's growing and doing all sorts of cute things. She really likes blowing rasberries. She'll get you in a contest with her and of course she has to win. She also loves to wave bye bye now. Terribly cute!!! She's cruising and crawling and will be walking soon I would imagine. She however has no signs of teeth yet, very odd, but I guess they will come soon enough, I should be greatful since she can't bite me yet, lol. She really is a doll and I love her so. I finally came to the point a few weeks ago where I finally realized I loved her just as much as Jackson. Might sound bad, but it's true. I'm just glad I finally got there. Jackson and I might have more of a bond, but I don't feel like such a bad mommy now because the love wasn't the same. I love how she follows me everywhere and when someone else has her, she usually can't take her eyes off of me, or if she hears my voice, she tries to find me. How did I ever get so lucky to have two such adorable and sweet babies????

Jackson is good, as usual. He doesn't want to go to school anymore, he wants to stay home with me. I really hope I can cut my hours next year and keep him home a bit. It hurts me because I want to sometimes stay home with him, but I just can't feasibly do it full time. Hopefullly I can work some and stay home some. Win/win for me. There's been an outbreak of lice at his school. ugh... Some girl's parents apparently knew she had lice and sent her to school anyway, grrrr. One other girl got it and at least it wasn't in Jackson's class, but I still have a fear. I want to keep him home tomorrow, but I just can't. I have too much work to do. Fortunately his school sprayed and I can only pray his beautiful thick head of hair isn't touched by those nasty cooties.

I started a new business venture, if you want to call it that. I am now officially an " Avon lady". Wow, that sounds weird. I am not expecting to make lots of money, you can really only do that if you have the time and since I have a full time day job, along with a daughter at work as well, I don't expect to make much, but if I can make a little and get a small discount on the stuff I buy, I will be happy. Geez, what was I thinking trying to take on even more responsibility right now????

Another Monday

Well, the weekend has come and gone, much too quickly, once again. Friday night we didn't have much of anything. Saturday we went to the zoo for zoo classes. Jackson is taking the class with Joshua and they will learn all about animals and get to do crafts and fun things like that. He liked it although he wasn't fond of the singing and dancing. He's not into that sort of thing. John recognized J.P. Dumont ( of the Nashville Predators ) at the zoo and we went up to him for a second to introduce Jackson. He didn't much care. It would have been a whole different story if it was Vokoun or Gnash, lol. Afterwards we met my Mom and went to lunch at J. Alexander's, where we ran into a whole table full of Nashville Predators. We had a yummy lunch, well most of us did, except of course Jackson. He ate croissants. Yummy yes, but not a lunch. What a shocker! lol We then went to the Home Show at the Convention Center and saw lots of nice things I would love to do to my home, but alas, I can't afford it. sigh. Then Mom took Jackson home, and John, Elena and I went to run a few errands and went home. I missed him horribly. It still doesn't get easier to let him go overnight.

Sunday we went to Dickson to go to my niece's pool party. Of course it started raining as soon as we got there. Oh well, we were going to get wet anyway, so who cares. Jackson of course, didn't get in the pool, I don't know what his deal has been about swimming this year, but Elena LOVES the water. She doesn't mind getting splashed in the face, in fact, she kept splashing me in the face. I'm more like Jackson and really don't like being splashed, it burns my eyes. But, she had a blast, kept trying to eat the water, the girl will eat almost anything, unless it's fruit, lol. We went back to my Mom's for a little bit, and then went to visit a friend of mine. I worry about her. She's having health issues and I could tell something was really not right. I hope she will be okay, she didn't much want to talk to me about it.

Today was another boring day at work. Elena will go to MDO tomorrow, I know she will have a blast. I hope I can get lots of work done. Oh and I have a meeting with a friend about becoming an Avon rep. I'm not getting into it thinking I will make lots of money. I will be happy to at least get a discount for me and hopefully sell enough to get enough to maybe pay for lunch or something, nothing like aiming high, huh? lol

Whew!

Well, the holiday weekend is over and I had a really good time. Friday night I didn't do much, we all felt kind of crappy and poor Elena had a rash from a fever. Saturday, we were feeling a little better and I went out with some friends. We went dancing and had lots of fun. Got home very early in the morning and couldn't sleep by the time I had pumped and gotten ready for bed, so no sleep for me. Good thing I'm used to surviving on little sleep. Got up at 6, played with the kids and then took Jackson to Thomas with a friend. We had a great time although it was hot. Monday I didn't do much just tried to recover from the weekend.

I hate the idea of going to work tomorrow, but my thoughts mostly lie on Elena starting her MDO program. I know she'll love it, and love being with kids during the day, I just don't know how I will survive being without her 5 hours a day, twice a week. Oh yeah, I'll be busting my butt, trying to get lots of work done so that when she is with me at work, I can concentrate more on having fun with her instead of actually working, lol. It really stinks letting her go this early, but I know that this will be good for her and me. Darn it's hard to let go, but sometimes you've just gotta.

I'm also worried about Jackson having to start a new school. We like where he is, but they were supposed to pay a medical bill of mine, when I fell while pregnant with Elena and it's still not paid. If they don't pay it, after they said they would, we will be forced to move him. I hate to since he's been going there so long and he has some great friends there, but I believe if you say you're going to do something, then you should.

Things overall are pretty good. I am working hard to be more positive and not so critical of myself. I have good friends that accept me for who I am and aren't so judgemental that I have to walk on pins and needles and watch what I say for fear of saying something that might offend. They know that although sometimes I may be rough around the edges, saying things that most wouldn't, I am honest and kind, and lots of fun. What more could you want, huh? lol

We've got a busy week ahead. Work is about to start getting crazy busy, a candle party this week, zoo classes start Saturday and a birthday party Sunday. Wish me luck that I don't totally break down tomorrow in tears dropping Elena off.

It's almost the weekend!

Wow, this week has really flown by! First for the biggest news, Elena is starting a MDO program starting Tuesday. It's a hard decision for me to make and I am happy and sad to see her starting. It makes me sad, and I feel bad, she seems so young, but I know she will love it and it will be better for her in the long run. I can't even imagine how difficult it is for working moms who have to take their 6 weeks old babies into daycare or something, I've been so blessed to take both of my children to work with me through pretty much the first year. It enabled me to see most of their firsts. With her being in the MDO program it will allow me to really bust my hump to get lots of work done while she's gone, so I can spend more time with her at work when she's with me. I've gotten so behind at work, and this will help me to catch up. Her benefits will be kids her age to play with, and she will be doing arts and crafts and music and bible study. She'll especially love the kids. She loves kids and doesn't get to be around that many, so I know she'll have fun. We went to orientation today and I had to leave her with the teachers and go to orientation and when I came back, she didn't even care that I was back, she was having so much fun with the toys and a little girl and boy that were there. I know I'm making the right decision, but wow, this really hurts!!!

This morning we went to First TN bank to see Gnash, the Predators mascot and get free donuts. So Jackson got a donut, and then he was all excited to see Gnash, until we made a joke that Gnash might take his donut, so be careful. Well then of course he didn't want to see him, so we told him we were just joking and that he wouldn't take it, lol. I got some pics of him and Elena with him. I need to post them. Elena looked so cute and she really liked Gnash.

Jackson is doing good. He's such a sweet and smart boy, gosh I just totally adore that kid! Sunday I'm taking him to see Thomas the train. I'm going to swelter in the heat, I must really love that kid, lol.

Elena is cruising now and standing on her own for seconds at a time. She will be walking before we know it. Her eating is really annoying right now. She doesn't want baby food for the most part and she spits food out which drives us nuts. My little baby is growing up.....sigh. This time is really flying by.

Oh, I also booked Jackson and Elena's birthday at Discover Center this week. I can't wait and neither can Jackson. He keeps thinking his birthday is tomorrow. lol I hope lots of our friends are able to make it. Well, I have a nice bubble bath and glass of wine waiting for me. Will update more soon.

Doing lots of thinking

Well I've been doing lots of thinking and I think I really need a change in my life. I have so many things I need to change and I am hoping if I start slowly, things will be better. I will be happier and healthier I hope. It's really tough, because I am very critical of myself, so personally I think I should change everything, but I'm going to take baby steps because if I didn't it would be too overwhelming and things would just stay the same or get worse.

I'd like to lose some weight, start working out, eat healthier, be more positive and less negative, nurture myself and some of my relationships, I could go on and on, but we're going to start with some of these and just take them step by step. For a while I was doing good on the positive note, but lately, it's been long cast aside. I want to start liking myself more. I am normally a very negative person, and I definitely have a warped sense of reality, but I am going to do my best to try to change myself and my perceptions. Wish me luck, it's not gonna be easy!

I'm even thinking about going to church maybe. This would be a big step for me. I haven't been since I was a teenager, yikes, that's a long time!!! I don't know, I just have a void in my life and I keep trying to fill it to no avail, maybe God can help me with this. I have no idea where I would go. I know if I do pick a church, I would like a laid back church, not one of those big fancy ones where it all becomes about impressing others or just going on holidays, I want a good old fashioned friendly church.

Well, Elena is starting to feel better, I just wish she was sleeping better. She's been waking a lot in the middle of the night. She's a real sweetheart with a mind of her own. I can't believe she's 8 months old. She's growing so much and I was thinking tonight about how torn I am about the nursing thing. I am looking forward to weaning her, but I will also really miss it. She's my last baby and it's gonna be hard. I just can't believe how quickly time is flying by. She's going to be one before I know it. sigh.... It's hard letting them grow up, but such a wonderful adventure too. I can't wait to see both of the kids grow and change and become hopefully wonderful adults. I just want to at least live long enough to see the get married and have babies. I guess it's silly, but I really want to be a grandma, just not too quickly. lol.

Company's gone

Well the visit with the inlaws went well. They had a good time with the kids, although I feel bad when Jackson gets ignored or not as much attention as Elena. I know she's a baby and will get lots of attention, but the Mom in me hates to see my little boy get his feelings hurt. He's such a sensitive boy, gets that from me sadly enough. It really is tough to see how much he is like me. I hope he doesn't ever have the issues I do.

Anyway, the visit went well. We went to their hotel and swam and had fun. They came to the house to visit and play. It was a nice little visit and I hope they can come back soon.

Sunday we went to a friend's house so John could do some pics of her newborn. He was very cute and we stayed for dinner. He got some good pics, but you know how hard it is to do pics sometimes, lots of crying and fits. Overall still went pretty good though.

Finally updating

Well, since I have last updated, Jackson's eating is getting better. I wouldn't say it's fixed, but at least he's showing signs of improvement. It's a long slow process, and we're just going to take baby steps. I'm so glad to see him finally eating and I actually think he's growing a little. Woo hoo!!!

Elena is 8 months old! Gosh, I can hardly believe it. My little girl is getting closer to being a toddler. She's crawling really well and she absolutely loves pulling up. She will walk a little but only with you holding her hands. She eats pretty well, which is awesome since Jackson as you know never has, except she still doesn't like her fruits. I can't wait until she can eat table foods. I guess we should start soon. She loves those little puffs. She really is a great baby. I really am blessed to have two adorable and sweet little kids.

Well, the a/c at the trophy shop went out and yeah, we get to pay for it instead of our landlord. grrr. They also took their sweet time and we went without air for over a day. Then wouldn't you know it like a day or two later, our air at the house is acting weird. GRRR!!! We're going to try to hold off fo a bit if we can.

I also did something, which I have no idea, to my knee and it hurts really bad. I think I'm ready for this day to be over. Tomorrow I have a baby shower to go to, and Friday my in-laws will be in town. Sunday I'm going to visit a friend's new baby that John is taking pics of.

Our weekend

We've decided to take a tougher approach to Jackson's eating and so far it's going better than I expected it would. The first night was rough, he was throwing lots of fits and went to bed hungry because he didn't want to eat what I had made for dinner. Then we had a few good days. I hope he keeps it up. He's so little and it breaks my heart to see him go to bed hungry, but he's got to live off more than just biscuits and grape water. Cross your fingers because if this doesn't work, we're off to the nutritionist. Thank God Elena is a MUCH better eater, although she's still not crazy about fruit, but she does like her veggies. A girl after my own heart.

We went to Dickson this weekend to see my family and went to the pool. Jackson has been more afraid of the water this year than last year. Kids, you just never know how much they can change from one minute to the next. Elena loves the water though. We got her in her baby float and she had a blast! I'll have to get hubby to help me load some photos on here. She looked so cute! I tried to stay in the water most of the time, I hate being in a bathing suit. It's so traumatic and hubby just doesn't understand. Overall it was a nice visit, though I get tired of hearing how much Mom wants to see us and then it seems like she doesn't spend time with us. Oh well, my own little family ( Elena, Jackson, John and me) enjoyed our time with each other. I really love my family and the fact that I am creating the sort of family I always wanted as a kid.

Sunday we didn't do much. Sat at home most of the day, went into town for a bit and John is working all day. Yuck! Wish he were home with us, but he's got some catching up to do at work. I hope this week goes smoothly.

Time to babyproof

Elena's finally learned to crawl!!! I went out last night with some friends and darn if my little cutie didn't take crawl for the first time while I was out. I've been lucky enough to catch almost all of the firsts for my kids, so this was quite a disappointment, but I'm glad that she's finally getting the hang of it. She's been working on crawling for quite some time. Now I have lots of babyproofing to do since EVERYTHING goes in that child's mouth. lol

I went out last night with friends and had a few drinks. Had a good time. Jackson and I went to a playdate today at Chick-fil-A and it was fun. I love their playground there, it's just the right size for him. Afterwards we went to not one but two McDonalds. Yuck! I went to one and got him a cheese sandwich, then he decided after we were almost home he wanted another. Well seeing as how he is avoiding food at all costs, I went to another one for another cheese sandwich and thought I would rent a movie. Wrong, they had nothing, bummer. I really like that Red box rental thing, a dollar a night is great and usually the selection is pretty good. Jackson got a movie, but nothing for Mom and Dad. Oh well, I'd just fall asleep during it anyway, lol.

Back to Chaos

We picked Jackson up Tuesday night after work. I met my Mom at Target and picked up my little man. It was so great seeing him and he was running so fast to come hug me, that I was afraid he was going to fall. I was so happy to see him and then moments later, I was hit with a cold slap of reality- candy fit. Oh yeah, I love him seeing my Mom and getting a little free time, but oh what a price I pay. He gets majorly spoiled and my neice and nephew are bad influences on him as well. So we spend the next couple of days trying to get him back to a normal sweet little boy. Yikes!!!

We're still in whining fit modes, he doesn't seem to be feeling very good. I hope he doesn't get sick. We got haircuts yesterday, and he was good during it, but very impatient to go home. He looks so handsome. I got a trim with some shorter layers on top so I can wear a ponytail and not actually pull all my hair back. I might have to take Elena next time. Her hair is always in her eyes, that she always has to wear clips.

We got Jackson's room painted, well we still have the doors, but those will have to wait. John put up a new ceiling fan which is really cute, and I think the room looks pretty cute overall, just not thrilled with the orange wall. We did all four walls different colors, blue, yellow, green and orange. They all look nice except the orange is a little too sherbet colored for my taste. We're thinking of re-painting that one.

Elena is doing great, she is almost to the point of crawling, she kind of just scoots everywhere. She loves pulling up and of course , still sticks EVERYTHING in her mouth. Whoops, she's pulling all the movies out of the entertainment center, gotta run!!

Missing my baby

It's really hard to let your children go. I let my Mom take Jackson this weekend for a couple of days. It's not the first time he's been away from me, but gee, it doesn't get any easier. I miss him so much!!!

It's hard to hear the bad things that happened to him, or the comparisons to my nephew, which I'm still recovering from the same about me and my sister. It's something I want to shield him from, but I can't. He has to be able to grow up and be a boy, a young man, a man, instead of my little baby. Granted, he will always be my baby, but I can't continue to smother him, to coddle him, it will only make it harder for him in the long run. I need to find a healthy balance between the coddling and the letting him be his own little person.

He's really such a great little guy, so smart, sweet, caring and sensitive, I could go on and on. I just think he's one of the greatest little guys out there, other than when he is being spoiled rotten and throwing a fit over some toy or junk food that he wants. lol

I love my little man!!!!

My baby

Okay, so as not to make Jackson think I think anything less, I need to post about my little man. He's so smart it's amazing how often he tries to, and sometimes does , outsmart us. I can hear his little wheels turning in his mind as he tries to finagle to get what he wants. He's gonna make a great negotiator. He's also just about the sweetest kid alive. He's so loving , always quick to try to make me feel better and offering to take care of me when I'm sad. Sometimes I feel like the child and he the adult.

I love the look he gives me when he gets excited to see me. His whole face lights up and he gets that coy grin and a bit of a blush. The endless supply of hugs and kisses I get make my day. I don't really get the hair fascination, he prefers my hair in a ponytail and asks for me to wear it that way all the time. It really upsets him when I don't. Strange, but I think he's just in a weird Mommy mode right now.

He's also growing, just not at the rate he should. I wish he wouldn't fight us so much on the food issue. He's also fighting on drinking milk now too, geez, he is going to be the death of me , he is SO stubborn. Gee I wonder where he gets that from? lol He's just like my little mini-me, but way smarter, sweeter, and better looking. I am just so utterly in love with him, even if I do want to choke him sometimes. He's a wonderful son and I am going to have such a hard time letting him grow up. If only he could stay my sweet little boy forever. Jackson, you will always be my baby! I love you Watermelon.

7 Months

Holy cow! My little girl is 7 months today. I'm very emotinonal about this. Yes, I know it's great that my baby is growing , but she's my last and it goes by oh so quickly. What does her 7 months mean to me? She's one step closer to going to daycare, she's closer to crawling, eating solids, talking , walking, and closer to becoming a toddler instead of a baby. I am enjoying all of these baby moments, as they will very quickly be gone. I didn't quite take the time to really appreciate Jackson as a baby. I just wanted him to be a little boy, a kid who can hug me give me kisses.

So I am savoring these moments with Elena. As much as I complain, she is a terrific girl. She's got the brightest smile, her eyes just twinkle when she's happy, which as long as she gets her way, is often. She is so ticklish, and I love her giggles. She's so soft, and has all that crazy hair ( dinosaur hair is what Jackson calls it). She's getting to the age where she reaches for you ( melts my heart) and we are going through separation anxiety as well ( for me and her, lol). I love the cute little noises that she makes that I just can't duplicate and the way she looks like a tiny ballerina doing plies everytime she's in her Johnny Jumper. I love you little Lenybug!

I haven't updated lately because frankly I just didn't have it in me. I've been feeling a little sorry for myself, okay a lot sorry for myself lately and just haven't felt like putting my feelings out there. I know I should just be thankful because things can always be worse, but sometimes that's easier said than done. Anyway, enough of my pity party, on to something more worthwhile.

We moved Jackson into his new bedroom and he actually slept in there. Elena slept in her room all by herself, they were sharing a room. She actually slept much better, guess it's easier to sleep when you have a nice quiet room instead of a brother to wake you up way too early. We haven't painted Jackson's room yet, because we're waiting to see if we're going to do the addition onto the house, which means they would have to block up Jackson's current window and cut a new one out, so no use in painting until we get that figured out. I can't wait to decorate it though. We're painting the walls different colors and doing a whole dinosaur theme.

Elena's room will stay the way it was as an animal nursery, and eventually I will change it to butterflies, ladybugs and bumblebees.

I can't believe my baby girl is almost 7 months old. I didn't have a hard time with 6 months, but 7 months is closer to 1 yr than a baby, so in my mind, much tougher. She's growing so quickly and she's my last, so I just really appreciate this age. I also know that the older she gets the closer she is to going to daycare. Something that I will put off as long as possible.

In Memory of Jenna Jurgens

Yesterday was the funeral of Jenna Jurgens. She was a friend of mine, although I wish I had gotten more time to get to know her better. Here's what I do know: She was an amazing woman. She beat cancer twice and I really thought the third time would have been no different. She was strong. A fighter until the end, she was one of the strongest people I have ever met. She had a can do attitude, that she could do anything and make it seem so simple. She was an awesome mother, she had 3 young kids and a 4th on the way, yet somehow made it seem so easy to take them anywhere and everywhere. She had a lust for life. She was so full of energy and appreciative of each day that she had. She had lots of friends and family. She was a true inspiration to so many it's kind of overwhelming. To see someone that was so full of life and love gone is devastating. I looked at her in her coffin, and she just didn't even look the same. This wasn't the vibrant woman so many of us knew and loved. I feel for those poor kids who will grow up without such a wonderful mother and can only hope that one day they will realize how truly great she was. She won't get to see her kids dating, graduate, go to college, get married, have kids, it is just so heartbreaking but I know she will watch over them and she is now pain free in Heaven, with Will in her arms. She doesn't want us to cry, but we will for a while, and then hopefully we can move on with our lives and remember this incredible person. Hopefully she has taught us to appreciate our days a little more than we might have, to stop and just give our kids an extra hug or kiss when we're too busy. Jenna touched so many lives and when I die, I can only hope that I have enjoyed my life as she had, and touched even just half as many lives as she did and I will be a happy woman. She made a true difference to so many and not many people can say that. We will remember you Jenna, thank you for being my friend.

Photos of the kids

This weekend we finally did some 6 month shots of Elena and 3 1/2 year shots of Jackson. We still need to do some family shots, but we were pressed for time. It was so hot outside I thought I would die and Jackson wasn't very cooperative. Elena fell face first one time right into the dirt, she didn't like that too much. She also fell backwards one time, didn't care for that either. lol She LOVED the grass though, it was hard keeping it out of her grubby little hands. Overall I think the photos came out pretty good, although I wish the wind hadn't been blowing her bangs in her face and I wish we had gotten better shots of her piggies. We really need to get a family shot of us though, we just need more time. I don't have any shots of the 4 of us I don't think.
http://JohnReed.smugmug.com/photos/sspopup.mg?AlbumID=3060890

Catching Up

Gosh it's been so busy and crazy lately, I haven't had time to update. Father's Day went well. I didn't do anything really special for John, just got him some clothes he needed and the kids got him a nice frame and book. We took the kids to the zoo and Adventure Center and had a great time. Very tiring and hot, but good. Jackson had a blast. It was Elena's first time to the zoo and I forgot my camera. Doh!!!!

We're still working late, but it's getting a little better. Soon we might actually get to go home in the evenings together, woo hoo! I'd love that. We are going through some massive fits with Jackson. I tell you, the terrible two's are nothing compared to the tyrannical three's. Yikes!!! Elena is even starting to throw a few fits here and there. Yes, my sweet "always happy" Elena. She has quite the temper, it's just not often. She's trying so hard to crawl, she's like a little inchworm. She scan scoot along, but is really trying hard to get up and crawl. Won't be long. I'm going to really have my hands full with that one. She's quite different that Jackson was. He was actually pretty easy, we just never realized it. lol Funny how having more kids make you realize how easy things were before.

I'm really enjoying having a daughter, more than I guess I expected. It's going to be harder to let her grow up as she's the last and I feel very sentimental. I'm just appreciating every stage she goes through because with Jackson I was always in a hurry for him to grow up a little. To walk and talk and be his own little person, that I really didn't appreciate him just being a baby.

We've had some issues with Jackson and his school and we are considering moving him. Ugh it is such a struggle to find a good school. I just want to find a perfect fit since I will have a combined 7 years with both kids. We had a talk with the director and hopefully things can be resolved. A spot at a school we had been looking at opened, but it was for 2-3 and Jackson needs 3-4 age group. So still on the hunt and hoping that his school will get better or we will find a better one for our needs.

I also noticed this past week that I had a piece of missing jewelry. Great! I think it was stolen, had to fill out a report, and also had to get my locks changed this week as well. grrrr. So overall it's been a frustrating week, but I'm still lucky because things could always be worse.

Update

Elena's dr. appointment went well. She is 15.2 lbs and 26 1/2". That puts her in the 50th percentile on weight and 75th in height. She had to get more shots, poor thing. She always gets a little bit of a reaction and acts cranky for the next few days. Oh the joy! She is a very sweet baby though so I really shouldn't complain. When she's happy, she's so happy, but it's the same when she's mad too. There's really no in between with her. I have to say though I am really enjoying her more as a baby than I did with Jackson. With him, I was so anxious for him to be walking and talking, that I didn't appreciate the baby stage. Since she's the last, I savor every minute, or try to at least. She's 6 months old now, and it really does just fly by. I had a little bit of a hormonal meltdown today at work, one of the things is I know she will have to go to daycare quicker than I want, and John was great at saying she could possibly stay at the shop a little longer than we originally anticipated. I really hope so. I wish I could work and keep the kids both at the shop with me, but it's nearly impossible to get my job done with just Elena, can you imagine with the two of them? Yikes! I don't know maybe I can switch to part time on the daycare and work, who knows. I want my cake and to eat it too! lol

We've been working so much lately, yep, late again tonight, that it is so draining, because I just want to be with my family. I feel like they are all being neglected and it's tough. Life should be about spending time with those you love, and even though technically I am, it's not the quality of time I would like to share. Here's hoping we calm down a little bit at work so I can spend more time with them. Not too calm though, these kids get darn expensive, so we can always use the business. lol

Elena's so fun to take out. She absolutely adores most people, especially those who fawn all over her. She's just almost always so happy and she just seems to really appreciate the little things you know. A very good quality, one I should work on myself. I love hearing how beautiful she is, but if I had a dollar for every time I heard how she looks like Baby Suri (Tom Cruise's kid), I would be a rich woman. Of course I guess it's better than hearing that she looks like Don Knotts. lol Well, I guess I've bored you all to tears long enough.

A tiring day

Today has just been a crappy day from the start. Elena is making me so stressed right now because she's not very interested in nursing anymore, she wants real food instead. So when I try to feed her, she's grunting and kicking and screaming, ugh. I wish she would just take a bottle great, but she's not really into those either, just baby food and cereal. Oh and paper, gosh that girl wants to eat all paper she can get her hands on.

I won't go into the details of my day, as I would just get more frustrated. I just thought I would vent for a minute and then I have to get back to work. Yes, I'm working late tonight. Wasn't planning on it, but had so much stuff come up today, that here I am. At least it's quiet though, as hubby took the kids home.

Elena has her 6 month checkup tomorrow, I hope she does well and that if she gets shots, they aren't too bad for her, or Mommy either. Jackson is good. He spent the night at my Mom's this weekend, and I missed him horribly. She doesn't understand how I can miss him so much when he's only gone for 24 hrs, but I do miss him. We do everything together as a family. We had kids because we wanted to spend time with them. I always joke about wanting to get rid of them, but then when I do, I just miss them terribly. Yes, I suppose I am crazy. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Maybe I just like to bitch. lol

Oh Elena slept in her crib for the first time Saturday night. It was certainly time as she is WAY too big for her bassinet. We finally put it together, yes, we are slackers, well actually just way too busy. She didn't do so well the first night but she did great last night. Yay!! Of course I worried all night about her suffocating on her blanket or something happening to her. What would I do if I couldn't worry? It's just in my nature. Anyway, the kids are good, hubby is driving me nuts, and I now I must go back to work. I'll update tomorrow about Elena's appointment. Wish her and me luck!

Elena's firsts

Yesterday Elena said her first words "hey Da Da". I was changing her diaper and John came in and I told her to say " hey Da Da" and she did. Granted John and most people think I am insane, but I know what I heard. She's really been working hard to talk lately. Jackson was an early talker and I really expected the same of her. Anyway, later that evening, I was holding her and John came into the room and she got all excited and said "Da Da" again. This time John heard her and agreed it did sound like she said it. Yay, a little validation! Of course she probably won't say anything else for months, but it was still nice.

Another first of Elena's, but not in a good way, was her first fall. I had her on my bed, and was getting some milk out of the fridge and then I was going to get her and go to work and I heard a loud thud and then a scream. Yep, you guessed it, rolled right off the bed onto the floor. Poor girl looked like a scared shrieking turtle, with her legs flailing in the air. My poor little girl! Yes, a total bad mommy moment. Of course John made me feel bad by saying I pushed her off the bed, but I got the last laugh on him, as he had her on a little kiddie bed at the shop and she rolled right off and got her head wedged under Jackson's little motorcycle. Poor girl has had a rough day!

Eventful and uneventful day

My day started out with a bang, well actually a crash. I was headed into work and saw a guy right in front of me on a motorcyle hit the guardrail and flip right over it. I stopped to help, as did lots of others. He seemed to be okay overall, a possible broken leg, but very lucky he was going slow. It really is horrible seeing something like that happen, it made me drive a little more cautiously. I hope the guy is okay.

I went to Carter's today for a sale, and managed to spend WAY too much money. Got some cute stuff though and a $10 gift card to go back and spend more money. Gee that's gonna be hard to find more stuff I want to buy for the kids, lol.

Elena's been a real handful the past couple of days, but she is overall a very good baby and I feel very blessed to have her. She's really growing. Jackson is in the terrible part of 3's right now. Lots of attitude, lots of fits, but I still love him to pieces and hope this faze of his is shortlived. Well, back to work for me!

Our date

Our date Sunday was really nice. Things have been so hectic and strained between us, that it was nice to feel like a normal couple again. We went to Outback for lunch, fairly good although a little too charred for my taste. Then went to see Mr. Brooks at Premier 6. It was so funny when we went in because they it was so dark in there we couldn't see anything and John almost sat in someone's lap. lol It was a great movie, lots of turns and twists, very suspenseful.

We went to the shop to get a little work done, kidless, and darn if we weren't there 5 minutes and some idiot was pulling on the door trying to order a trophy. Mind you it was Sunday at 5 or so. Grrr. Mom and my stepdad had a great time with the kids, but were very worn out. We even got the kids to bed early for a little romance and darn if I got my monthly visitor. I was quite surprised as I am still nursing Elena. We still had a nice day though and it was nice to have a day of fun instead of stress and fighting.

Today is a new day

My Mom and stepdad are coming up today to watch the kids so that John and I can actually have a date. Woo hoo!!! I forgot how it feels to be kidless and be alone with my hubby. Will be strange to say the least, but good. We might actually be able to go see a movie AND lunch. Wow!!! We haven't done that since pre-Jackson. Hoping the kids behave so we don't get a "help" call during lunch or the movie. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one.

Elena has been a little tempermental lately and Jackson has been throwing lots of fits, I think it has to do with all the work and not enough attention lately. We will be having to go to work today for a while, here's hoping not too long.

Well, I'll update later on how the date goes, gotta go get ready!

Do you ever?

Do you ever just feel like you are completely losing it? I think I am just about to. I know the stress of working a lot, especially when you are trying to work with 2 little ones underfoot, but even though I keep telling myself it will get better, will it really? I suppose so, but just when I think the end to this insanity is in sight, we get slammed with more crap. sigh....

I feel guilty. Guilty for not spending as much time with my kids as they are used to. Guilty for taking out my anger and frustration out on them. Guilty for wanting to run away to escape it all. Guilty for not thinking very nice thoughts about my hubby. Basically guilty for a little bit of everything.

I know the stress is intensifying everything, and my hormones as well. My hormones hit an all new low about 7 months after having Jackson, and I'm 5+ months along with Elena and I can feel it brewing. Whew, take a deep breath and try to keep going. It will get better. I suppose I should have waited until I was in a better mood before posting this, but sometimes it just helps to get it out. Maybe this will help.

I broke down

Yes, I finally broke down and decided to create a blog site. I don't quite know what I'm doing, but hopefully I can learn as I go. I decided my own little page devoted to my thoughts, ideas, pics, fave sites and what not would be good for me.

Today is Memorial Day and I technically have the day off, although we did spend a little of it at work. It's been a nice day. The sun is shining, the kids are a lot of fun, and it's nice to just relax with my family. That's something that I have been really missing lately, time with my family. Granted, yes I work with my hubby and daughter, and when we work late, I take my son too, but I have been feeling so guilty lately that I haven't been able to devote the time I normally make for them, so today having the day with them to just relax and have fun, makes all the hard work we've been doing worthwhile.

I am so thankful to have them. I grew up in a dysfunctional family to say the least, so it's nice to be able to create my own version of what a family should be. Although I gripe a lot, I am very happy. Happy with my son, my daughter, my husband, my life overall. Yes, things could be better, more money, less hours, bigger house, less clutter, but overall, things are very good!

We drove through the battlefield while letting the kids nap in the backseat and it is so heartbreaking to see all those graves, people who fought and died for this country. I agree there is a need for war, at times when all else fails, but it's still disconcerting to see .