Doing lots of thinking

Well I've been doing lots of thinking and I think I really need a change in my life. I have so many things I need to change and I am hoping if I start slowly, things will be better. I will be happier and healthier I hope. It's really tough, because I am very critical of myself, so personally I think I should change everything, but I'm going to take baby steps because if I didn't it would be too overwhelming and things would just stay the same or get worse.

I'd like to lose some weight, start working out, eat healthier, be more positive and less negative, nurture myself and some of my relationships, I could go on and on, but we're going to start with some of these and just take them step by step. For a while I was doing good on the positive note, but lately, it's been long cast aside. I want to start liking myself more. I am normally a very negative person, and I definitely have a warped sense of reality, but I am going to do my best to try to change myself and my perceptions. Wish me luck, it's not gonna be easy!

I'm even thinking about going to church maybe. This would be a big step for me. I haven't been since I was a teenager, yikes, that's a long time!!! I don't know, I just have a void in my life and I keep trying to fill it to no avail, maybe God can help me with this. I have no idea where I would go. I know if I do pick a church, I would like a laid back church, not one of those big fancy ones where it all becomes about impressing others or just going on holidays, I want a good old fashioned friendly church.

Well, Elena is starting to feel better, I just wish she was sleeping better. She's been waking a lot in the middle of the night. She's a real sweetheart with a mind of her own. I can't believe she's 8 months old. She's growing so much and I was thinking tonight about how torn I am about the nursing thing. I am looking forward to weaning her, but I will also really miss it. She's my last baby and it's gonna be hard. I just can't believe how quickly time is flying by. She's going to be one before I know it. sigh.... It's hard letting them grow up, but such a wonderful adventure too. I can't wait to see both of the kids grow and change and become hopefully wonderful adults. I just want to at least live long enough to see the get married and have babies. I guess it's silly, but I really want to be a grandma, just not too quickly. lol.