Day Thirty

Where do you think you'll be in 5 years?

Not sure, I would think not much would have changed, still be at trophy shop, in my house, etc, but you never know.  Things can change in the blink of an eye so hard to predict.

I hope that the shop will either be sold and John and I will have better jobs, or the shop is running much more smoothly and more profitable.  I hope we have a new home that is big enough for us, that the kids will both be doing well in school, and that things will be going even better than now.  Keeping my fingers crossed ;)

Day Twenty Nine

Write about any particular habits/mannerisms that you have.

I pick my fingers a lot, especially when I'm upset or uncomfortable.

Day Twenty Eight

If you had 3 wishes what would they be?

Lots of money, because with money, you can pay off your debt, buy a bigger house, new car, travel, so many of the things that I would love!

For the health of my friends and family, including me finally getting skinny again, lol.

To be happy, because sometimes it's the little things in life that really matter, and living your life without being happy is just such a waste.

Day Twenty Seven

Name one place you would love to visit one day.

I would love to go to Italy!   The history of such an old world, the architecture, the romance, the food it's just beautiful!  I really can't think of a more beautiful place in the world rich in history, culture, and vino!  lol

Day Twenty Six

Write about something you once loved, but now despise.

Hmm, this is tough because the first things you think of are ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, but really I don't have anybody in my past that I used to love and now despise.  Sure I have past boyfriends and former friends that I don't care for, but either there was never love there or it's just a dislike not a despise.

I guess probably the closest thing is : I used to love going to the pool, all the time.  I've never been a great swimmer, but I used to love to play in the water, now I really don't like going to the pool.  If I was skinnier and had a perfect body, it wouldn't be as horrible, and if the pool was just me and the kids, and nobody could see how pale I am.   Plus you have to shave even more and better than usual.  I typically only shave up to my knee since I never wear shorts, and I don't like to shave my bikini area as often as I should as my skin is very sensitive.  So there you go, something I once loved and now despise.  lol

Day Twenty Five

Write a letter to someone you miss.

Dear Daddy,
It's been 28 years since I last saw you, hugged you, laughed w/ you and I miss you so much!  I miss the way you used to make me laugh, the tight hugs, hearing you call me by my nickname.  So much has gone by and you've missed so much.  I know it wasn't by choice, you never would have left me if it just wastn't your time to go. 

I graduated high school, went to college and fell in love.  Dropped out because I was blinded by love, sorry about that one, not the love but the dropping out.  lol  I got married, boy I really missed you on that day, I chose to walk down the aisle because if I couldn't have you do it, nobody else would do.  You were definitely in my thoughts that day though. 

You missed the birth of my children, the first one a son who's named after you Jackson Randall, and a daughter who would have captivated you just as much if not more than she does me.  You were happy to have two daughters and it didn't bother you at all that you didn't have a son.  I loved hearing the stories from multiple people about how they had never seen a man more in love w/ his kids. 

I definitely share many of your same qualities, and this love that you have for your kids, I now share w/ my kids.  It's hard to imagine the strength of the love you feel, but it's there.  It's undeniable, indescribable, unbreakable. 

I still think of you often, and one day whenever God sees fit, I will see you again.  I'll hug you and laugh w/ you, make up for all of these lost years.  Until then, I take comfort in knowing you watch over and protect me and my family.  I love you always and forever <3  Your Sugar

Day Twenty Four

How has your week been?

Well this week has definitely had its share of ups and downs.  I was still in my depressed state earlier in the week, but fortunately that lifted and I've been in a great mood.    Work has been crazy, John broke a tooth, I had 3 nights this week w/ friends, and I hosted a baby shower.  whew!!!

Day Twenty Three

Describe what you spend most of your time on.

I spend most of my time catering to my kids.  I'm slowly learning they can be more independent, so I'm trying to cut the strings a little more.  Second would be the computer, I spend WAY too much time on the computer.

Day Twenty Two

Do you play a sport?  Tell us about it.  If not, talk about a hobby you may have.

No I don't play any sports, I'm very un-athletic. I can play tennis just a little, bowl almost worse than my kids, and that's about the extent of my sports.  lol

As for hobbies, not many of those either. lol  I love to play on the internet, I'm trying to learn to be a little more creative, doing crafts and stuff, but it's not coming easy.  I'd like to learn how to paint, play a musical instrument, scrapbook a little and do all sorts of cute crafts,

Day Twenty One

How has your life changed over the past year?

Well, it's been a lot of ups and downs, but things are better this year than last year.

Although I'm having to work more, I am having so much fun w/ the kids and Elena and I are closer than ever.  Things typically are pretty good w/ DH, probably better than last year.  I've lost some friends, who come to find out were never really friends anyway, and gained lots of new ones.  Some of the emotional baggage is gone , funny how that happens when you get rid of the wrong people.  lol.  Also even though I will always have my depression issues, I actually find it a lot easier to be positive and it is starting to come more naturally.  Not saying I'm anywhere near where I want to be, but hey, progress is still progress and I'll take it :)

Day Twenty

What did you eat today?

Well this was supposed to be posted yesterday so I will tell what I ate yesterday.

I had awful leftover chinese food for lunch, and for dinner, we had book club at Camino Real so I had a taco and a burrito.

Day Nineteen

Write about your last birthday and how you plan to spend your upcoming birthday

Last year, I didn't really throw a birthday party, but I did have a sex toy party the weekend of my birthday and some of my friends brought me a cake and we drank tons of booze and had a great time!

This year I'm not sure what I'll be doing.  I would love a huge party or a little weekend getaway as this is going to be huge birthday 40, yikes!!!

Day Eighteen

Post one confession/secret

I'm pretty open and honest, so I really probably don't have any sort of secrets that at least somebody doesn't know about.

I guess I will do a confession:

If my husband isn't home, I have a hard time going to be by myself, I usually just leave the tv on and fall asleep

Day Seventeen

Bullet your day

Ok, so not even sure what the heck that means, and with the week I've had, I'm going to choose to interpret that as skip my day.  lol

Day Sixteen

Upload a picture of your room, talk about your room.

Ok, not doing this one, as my room is currently a mess, full of clean laundry still in baskets.  The walls are purple, which I hate, and the bedding on it is brown.  I can't wait to re-paint our room and redecorate it in animal print.  I'll take a before and after picture and post when we finally do it.

Day Fifteen

Write about something that you worry about a lot.

I'm a big worrier anyway, but the most common currently is money/my business, and dying.  I know it's a natural part of life, and we all are going to die, but since I'm getting older, I'm a lot more aware of it and since I have children, I have so much more to lose now.

Day Fourteen

Post about your favorite book, favorite movie, favorite band, and favorite food.

My favorite book: A Tale of Two Cities and the Shack

My favorite movie:  When Harry Met Sally

My favorite band:  was Pantera, current band Disturbed

My favorite food: cheese dip

Day Thirteen

What are your plans for the future?  Far and near?

Near plans for the future are to have fun w/ the kids.  Picnics at the park, riding bikes, swimming pool, playing outside.  Hopefully a beach trip before the fall.

Far plans: to make the shop better , run smoother,etc.  Possibly go back to school.  I think that might be really fun, but terrifying although I don't think John wants me to .  To watch my kids grow up, teach them to be the best adults they can be and watch them marry and start their own families.

Day Twelve

Write about the worst day of your life.

The worst day of my life was the day my father died.  I was eleven, going through that awkward pre-adolescence struggling trying times of my life.  I was always a Daddy's girl, even though my parents were separated and he was living in Texas while we were in TN.  I idolized my Dad, I didn't know of his faults, he was just my Dad, the man who loved me unconditionally, always hugging me and calling me his "sugar",  who made me laugh, and was always there to play and joke around or just to give you a needed hug.  When he died, I went to his funeral and even though my family tried to pull me away as they lowered his body into the Earth, I had to be there for it, I had to see that this was real, that the man I loved more than anything or anybody in the world was being laid to rest and was gone.  Like really gone. 

It caused me to blame my mother for not agreeing to take him back.  If only....  If only she hadn't left him, if only she had let me live w/ him, he would still be alive.  He would still be there for me, instead of in the cold ground, leaving me alone.  All alone.  Yes I had my Mother and sister, but they were a pair, like two peas in a pod, my other half, my sweet Daddy, had left me.  It left me with much anger, and I had quite the troubled childhood.  I was rebellious, and got into trouble.  I hated my Mom, she didn't deserve it, but I needed someone to blame.  I later found out all the problems that my Dad had, that his death, even though accidental was of his own doing.  It knocked him off the pedestal I had for him, but I love him.  I will always love him, through all of his faults, he was my father.  To me he was an excellent Dad, funny, kind, caring and compassionate. He never let a day go by without letting me know how much he loved me.  I'm very much like my father, we share all the same good and bad qualities.  He's been gone 28 years now and while the hurt is a little less, I still feel it.  On the anniversary of his death, I mourn him, on his birthday, on Father's Day, when I graduated, when I got married and had to walk down the aisle by myself, when I had both of my children ( I always knew he would be a great Grandpa, yet he never got the chance) all of these days I mourn him.  I think of him often, talk to him and I know he's my strongest guardian angel in Heaven and I look forward to the day I get to see him again, hug him and introduce him officially to my children.  I love you Daddy!!

Day Eleven

Write about the best day of your life.

Easy and transparent, the birth of my children.  I would imagine if I had to pick one it was the day that I had Jackson because it is indescribable the emotions you go through that you've never experienced before going from a childless woman to a mother.  We had no idea if Jackson was going to be a boy or girl, although my insticts told me boy.  He was this perfect beautiful little baby, who had made me so sick for about 5 months, and 20+ hours of labor later, he was in my arms.  I wept, I have never in my life been so happy, and experienced such complete and unconditional love for anything in my life.  I thought I knew what love was about, but seriously the love you have as a mother, there's just no greater.  I would forgive my children anything, I would sacrifice anything for them, they are my world.  I have to add that I was blessed to have Elena 3 years later, and while having a daughter is scary stuff, she amazes, entertains and thoroughly enchants me everyday.

Day Ten

Talk about your pets, or the pets you would have

I have 3 cats and a gecko.

1) Macy- sweet girl who drives me crazy by wanting outside all the time, and she can be mean sometimes to my hubby and the kids, but she's a sweet girl and she spoons w/ me every night.

2) Spike- Jackson's cat, poor sweet thing, he's the one who went a FULL cycle in the dryer and amazingly survived.  He's also got a broken tail, not from the dryer incident, it was broken when we adopted him.

3) Goose- Elena's cat, he's a huge beautiful gray cat, who is just so gentle w/ the kids, but he drives me bonkers by always trying to bolt out the door, and he's so heavy on his feet that he sounds like a child walking through the house.

4) ZLeo- Jackson's leopard gecko, not the pet I wanted, but Zappy bought her, she's a sweet girl, but I don't like her diet of crickets, it grosses me out, they smell , they sometimes get loose in the house ( fortunately my kitties catch and kill them) and she's the worst hunter in the world, I swear she would die, if we didn't help shove the crickets towards her.

The pets I would love are, a Pug or Boston Terrier and a bunny rabbit.

Day Nine

What's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?

Probably when my kids tell me I'm the best Mommy in the world, and when Jackson tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world <3

Day 8

Are you a fitness guru or a couch potato?  Talk about your exercise habits.


LOL, ok well yes I am definitely a couch potato.  I used to work out a lot when I was younger, I even worked out the day before I gave birth to Jackson, but once I had kids it was hard to find the time to work out.  They always wanted me to hold them, need stuff, etc.  Yes I could work out in the morning before they get up but I'm not much of a morning person and they tend to get up by 6 or 7, or I could workout when they go to bed but who wants to exercise at 9 or so in the evening?  I could join a gym, but the last time I did that the kids cried that they hated going to the childcare area which made it even harder.  My kids are with me almost all the time other than when I have my Mommy nights, so if I join a gym, it's gotta be one my kids are ok w/ as well.

I really want to start working out though because I need to get healthier not only for my kids but for myself.  So this spring/summer, I'm going to try to make time for myself to work out.  I don't know if I can pull it off at home, or if it will take me joining a gym, but it's time to do something healthy and good for myself.

Day 7

Upload a recent photo of you

Day Six

When was the last time you cried?

I think the last time I cried was last week, either Monday or Tuesday night, I watched Secret Millionaire and I swear I was teary eyed the entire show.  It was about a woman who was living out of her car and created her own business and became a multi-millionaire.  She went to Knoxville to find worthy organizations to donate money.  Nobody knew she was rich and the organizations that she helped were full of amazing people who really just touched my heart.

If you watched it the one that tugged at my heart the most was the Love Kitchen ladies, God bless those women, they are truly angels on Earth<3  If you haven't watched the show, please watch it!  It's so awesome to see what can be accomplished by people who genuinely want to do good.  It restores your faith in humanity.

Day Five

Three of my favorite colors:

Pink- I love all shades of pink, light dark, hot, any pink is good pink.

Purple- love a nice deep eggplant purple

Red- Love a good true red, and deeper red, almost burgandy

Day Four

Write about your closest friends

I wanted to skip this one, because it's tough to answer.  I have a lot of great friends, and it's hard to pinpoint who I'm closest to at this stage in my life.

  When I think of this question, I think of best friends that you've had for ages, who are there for you no matter what happens, they're like family, you can always count on, who have your back when nobody else does.  I would love that kind of friendship, but things change and as adults sometimes your friendships are different, when you're trying to make time for work, family, commitments.

What I can say is I have a number of different friends, who I have fun with.  Some I've known for years, some are newfound close friends.  All I can say, is for the friends I do have in my life, I'm so glad that they're there. :)

Day Three

If you only had 24 hrs to live, what would you want to do?

I'd have a quick little going away party and then take my kids to the beach.   Playing w/ the them in the water, collecting sea shells, and just watching them have the best time would be all that I needed.

Day Two

Talk about your piercings or tattoos, if you have any.

I have 6 tattoos.  My first tattoo was a dragon on my chest, I don't regret getting it, but wish I had put it somewhere else.  I got it when I was 18.  Second was a matching tattoo that me and hubby got on our anniversary.  Third was a tattoo of a paw print w/ the letter S in it, I had it done on the one year anniversary of my cat Sebastian's death. Fourth and fifth were Mother's Day weekend over a year ago, E's is a ladybug w/ Kanji meaning Independent Spirit, Jackson's is his eye and initial w/ Kanji meaning kindhearted and compassionate, my sixth is a tribal forget me not, in remembrance of the child I lost.  I'm not done yet w/ the tattoos.

As for piercings, I have my ears pierced, nose pierced and nipple.  I don't recommend getting your nipple pierced.

Day One

Post 15 facts about yourself:
1) I'm short
2) I have hazel eyes
3) I have exzema
4) I'm married
5) I have 2 kids
6) I love cats
7) I have a relatively high IQ
8) I'm duplicitous
9) I own a trophy shop
10) I have brown hair
11) I have very fair skin
12) I'm a very loud person
13) I love wine
14) I have 6 tattoos
15) I have 24 teeth

30 day challenge

To help remind myself to start blogging more, I'm going to do a 30 day blogging challenge.  Can I actually remember to do it?  We'll see I guess :)

Hi again :)

So it's been a little longer than a week, but hey, I'm posting, and that's a start right?  lol  I can't believe January is already gone!  Wow!  So what's been going on?  Staying busy busy as usual.  Lots of playdates w/ the kids, playdates w/ my friends, Cub Scouts, etc  I swear one day I am going to get better about saying no.  You know my son actually THANKED me one day for letting us stay home on a Sunday instead of going and doing stuff. Yep, at our house, it's a luxury to stay home instead of going and doing and playing.  hahaha, we're so messed up ;)

School is going well for both kids, work is work, it's ups and downs.  If we could just get things organized and stop getting broken into, we'd be doing good.  yay!  Everything's good w/ me and John, I thought I might have to kill him there for a moment, who am I kidding, lots of moments, lol but it's all good now <3

I just feel so blessed, other than my arm and shoulder that's killing me and won't heal, things are good.  I've got a husband who still loves me after 21 yrs, 2 of the most darling kids in the world oh and I forgot to mention the sweetest too :), a job (it's not the best, but it affords me time w/ my kids) a roof over my head, a VERY full tummy :0 and great friends.  If you're reading this, please stop and take a moment to count your blessings.  All too quickly things can change in the blink of an eye and life just goes by way too quickly not to enjoy it!  Cheers!

Where does the time go?

Geez, I haven't been very good about keeping this blog updated, but I'm going to try to do better.  I think I will try to post at least once or twice a week.  Sounds reasonable. 

It's already almost the end of January and things have overall been pretty good.   I have my good days and bad, fortunately, I'm in a pretty good mood this morning. :)  Lately I have just been really counting my blessings.  Sure things aren't perfect, I still have some very painful things going on in my life, but the most important things like my kids and just having the basic essentials of life, like food, overall health, a roof over my head, my precious babies who I seem to appreciate and love more and more everyday are good.

I got a call from Elena's school yesterday that she had a fever, I felt so bad, because she had told me in the morning that she didn't feel well and didn't want to go to school, but she does that every school day, kind of like the boy who cried wolf, so how I am to know when she's not fibbing.  The girl's got a vivid imagination.  She tells me tall tales of what goes on in class, and then when I ask her teachers, it's all just in her imagination.  I swear, she has me over the moon.  I am so in love w/ her.  It's funny how our relationship started out bumpy, but she's my little partner in crime , funny how much I miss her when she's in school.  She's my baby, my last, I can only imagine what a basket case I will be when she starts school.   Her fever's already gone by the way, so happy she's feeling so much better.  It's amazing how quickly my kids bounce back from illnesss, they sure didn't get that from me. :)

Jackson complained of a tummy ache last night, but fortunately, he's fit as a fiddle this morning too, yay!  I'm so proud of how well he's doing in school.  He is getting really good at reading and loves it, makes me so happy because I used to love reading a ton of books when I was in school too, I wish I had more time to read.

Speaking of reading, I finished my book club Happiness Project book and it was good!  It wasn't a fast read, but I noticed I was much happier when I was reading the book.  I need to start on my own happiness project.  I'm currently working on  finishing another self-help book while I'm waiting for the rest of my book club to finish HP, it's called The 4 Agreements, it's supposedly worked wonders on one of my Mom's co-workers, so it's worth a try.

I was pleasantly surprised by the way when I was having a talk w/ my Mom, and she made the comment that it was the best conversation we've ever had, she liked the positivity.  I guess I don't always let her see the person I'm becoming.  It's a work in progress for sure.  Still made me feel good, although I was a little sad that she was surprised and hadn't noticed it before, guess I need to let the sun shine through a little more.  :)

I'm also really enjoying doing the Secret Valentine in my Mom's group.  It seems like so far I have a really good one.  I've gotten some super sweet cards about how happy they are that I'm their Valentine, yay!  I guess I finally got a person who likes me, and it's showing because they've been a great Valentine!  I even got a homemade meal yesterday, beef stew and homemade red velvet cupcakes.  Yummy!!!!

The start of a brand new year

2010 is gone and frankly I'm glad.  It was a rough year full of ups and downs and I'm hoping 2011 is going to be a brand new start w/ limitless possibilities.  I have realized though that I'm lucky.  I've lived to see another year gone, and each day is really a gift.  We're all limited to a certain amount of days and I need to take care to better appreciate the days I have.

So this year I am looking forward to hopefully a fresh start.  I've dropped some baggage, some friends who really weren't friends to begin w/, and I'm hoping to drop my bad habits and adopt some better habits.

I want to eat better, exercise more, be more careful w/ the things I say and do, be a better friend, wife and mother, lose the negativity,re-focus and  appreciate the things I have, get rid of the ugly jealousy, and just in general be a happier person.  

Change the things I want to change and the grace to accept the things I cannot.  Wish me luck!  :)