A year of reflection

So 2008 is almost officially over and I thought I would sit back and think about what the year has held. It was a difficult year to say the least, but I made it through and now I have a brand new year to look forward to. A fresh start, yes, I am looking forward to that indeed. Anyway, this year we saw many new schools for the kids, a new schedule for me at work, new health issues, a Presidential election that the candidate I voted for ACTUALLY won, some good friendships, loss of friendships/relationships, a new found philosophy for me, ups and downs in my marriage and children, but you know, it's okay.

Although I had lots of bad this year, there has also been lots of good. I am blessed with 2 beautiful and wonderful children, who yes, are trying to drive me even crazier, but they are such a blessing. A hubby who is usually pretty supportive, and it amazes me how he's still so attracted to me after all of these years. I hope I never have to live my life without him or my kids. I'm trying to work on helping myself as well this year. I guess I am going through a mid-life crisis, but at least I am still here and able to go through it. I'm looking forward to a fresh start, a year where the possibilities are endless. A year that hopefully things will get better, for the economy, for the country, for my friends, family and me. Goodbye 2008, it's been interesting.

???

What the heck was I thinking by offering to have Christmas here, with my MIL and sister in law, and actually cook a holiday meal??? First of all the house is filled with WAY too many toys and boxes from the kids birthday party. Definitely need to go through all of their old things and donate stuff. Now on to the cooking part. WTH was I thinking??? I have NEVER cooked a holiday meal, the closest thing was I bought a pre-made tofurkey and cooked it in the oven. I've never even made homemade mashed potatoes. I'm the person people ask to bring the drinks or possibly rolls. I am in some deep doo-doo here I tell ya. I'd like to make a ham, and I would LOVE to learn how to make mashed potatoes with my grandmother's gravy recipe, but it took my Mom years to perfect the gravy recipe, I hardly think a novice like me could even come close to duplicating it this year. I guess I will be searching online to learn how to cook next week, unless I totally lose my confidence and break down and order pizza. It's a possibility. yikes!!!

Whatever

Yay, the birthday party is officially over, and now I can concentrate on the holidays!! The party went so good I am thrilled!!! I spent the whole party trying to take pics, video, introduce myself to parents and talk to family and friends that I never even got to bounce. The kids had a blast, my nephew wants his party there and my Mom even commented how it was the best children's party she had ever been to. Wow, that makes me feel good! I went overboard, but I really wanted all of the kids to have a good time, and since this is probably going to be the last "shared" party between the kids, I wanted it to be great. Everything went really well other than one of the coordinators that I wasn't too impressed with. I would highly recommend Bounce U to anyone. They made it very easy and organized and the place was clean and fun. Woo hoo!!

Not sure if it's because of the fact that I am about to start my period or maybe I just need to up the dosage on my meds, but this week has had me feeling blue. I was supposed to go to the dr last week, in which I think he was going to up the dosage on my meds, but I had to cancel because I had a dentist appointment too that week, and I had already rescheduled that once, so I guess in the next week or two I will try to make it back and see if I need to up it. I swear it is next to impossible to work full time, take the kids part time to work, and get their well checkups ( which are due next week) and get my dr's appointments ( dental, health, etc) all done, errands, housecleaning, grocery shopping, etc. It's just all too much sometimes and the kids will be coming to work with me even more after this month. It just leaves me feeling like a total failure on all accounts. I know I beat myself up too much, but I'm really struggling and I just feel like the lines are so blurred since I am technically a working mom but still kind of SAHM since I have the kids with me at work most of the time too. I'm just not that organized or good enough to do all of this. My life is just so literally and figurately a mess I just don't have a clue.

Not trying to do a pity party, not sure who is even reading this right now, sometimes I swear I feel as if I am just talking to myself, which I happen to do quite a bit, lol. I'm really hoping this is just the hormones of my impending time of the month, because I am down and annoyed also. Some people can be so nice and really make you feel like things are good in the world and others just annoy and disappoint.

Welcome home

We're back from Memphis and the trip was really fun. We went to the zoo for the light display and Santa Friday night. Elena wouldn't sit on Santa's lap, which is odd since at the mall she had no problems. Saturday morning we tried to go to the Peabody to see the ducks and they had most of the roads blocked for a marathon. We couldn't get there and it was taking so long we gave up, darn healthy people. lol We went to the zoo, and it was awesome! MUCH better than the Nashville one and it's cheaper, go figure. Went to the Peabody for a few minutes, it was crazy packed and a nice lady in front of me held Jackson up so he could see the ducks, I had to view them through a camcorder in front of me. Poor Elena was asleep in the car. Went to the Children's museum Sunday and it was okay, not as good as Discovery Center here. Met a friend of John's midway back home. He seemed nice and it made me feel good when John told me the guy was commenting on how John " married up".

Trying to get caught up at work and doing birthday party plans. Next year I am going to need reminding to do "small" birthday party. This one is getting a little out of control and I apparently am at "max capacity" for the bounce party, so while I'm sad that some of Jackson's best friends can't make it, I guess that's a good thing. I spent a small fortune at Party City today for goody bags, which grumpy hubby said that kids don't need one when I'm spending so much for the bounce stuff, but he's a scrooge. I really hope the kids have a great time, it's what all the effort is for anyway. I wanted a big turnout for Jackson's sake, as he is all about having lots of people around, I don't have any idea where he got that from as I am almost the exact opposite. I've got a huge cookie cake and LOTS of cupcakes ordered. I'm frustrated that it was so hard to find Star Wars, but with a little creativity I will make it work.

Things are going pretty well here. Being medicated apparently suits me. I hate that I need it, but it definitely makes me more mellow and "even tempered". Things that normally would have sent me in a crying fit or a fit of rage, now are just minor annoyances. Yeah I still get aggravated, depressed, etc, but I feel more "normal". It's taken a little bit of adjusting to get used to that. Weird.

Packed and ready to go

I'm quite impressed that we are packed ( for the most part except for last minute things) and ready to go. We have a Preds game tomorrow night, then it's off to my Mom's, then Memphis. I hope we have a great time! I can't believe my little man is going to be 5!!! Where does the time go? We're meeting John's Dad and Step Mom and plan to hit the zoo, children's museum, planetarium, and me and my SMIL will hit Graceland. I mean really , how can I go to Memphis and not go. Yes, it will be tacky, but I used to absolutely love Elvis, and I think it will be fun.

Things are going relatively well, kids are good, we're good, ups and downs yes, but overall, not much for complaint. I'm just looking forward to a little break and having the family do some fun stuff.

The highs and lows

So what's new with me? I went to the dr, only to once again find out that I am supposedly fine. Apparently I am having panic attacks, which feel like heart attacks. Yay!! I am on some medication, and am hoping that it does the trick. Do I like to admit that apparently yes I am crazy, crazier than I originally thought? Nope, but I'm always honest, so there ya go. I'm hoping that anxiety is the cause and not actual heart issues. Crazy I guess is better than being physically sick I suppose. I guess all the crap that is going on in my life is just really catching up with me.

My sis and I aren't talking and probably won't for a long long time, my hubby forgot our dating anniversary and my kids are getting out of control. Things have gotten pretty crazy and I'm hoping that they get better. I realize things could get so much worse, so I am still trying to count my blessings.

I took the kids to Sesame Street today and we all had a good time. They were very good, and I am so thankful when they are good, and I melt when they are so sweet and loving to each other. I wish hubby would have gone with me, but that isn't his sort of thing. Hubby surprised me tonight with some bath goodies and a new CD I've been wanting. Yes, he's trying to make up for the anniversary debacle. I know he remembered Sunday that it was coming up, but by Wednesday his days were all mixed up, and it just made me mad. Oh and I forgot to mention he bought me self help books for the anniversary gifts. Nothing to make up for a major mistake than books to let me know how screwed up I am. Oh and I got a self help Christian book from my Aunt, yep, everyone apparently thinks I need lots of help. yahoo. Anyway, back to the good stuff. He's going to run me a nice bath tonight and massage and exfoliate my tootsies. I'm glad he's starting to try to make ammends, because I really do love him. I've always known he was the one, and I've always seen us as becoming this cute little old couple still very much in love, like his grandparents were. I can't envision my life without him, nor would I want to. I love my little family that we've made together and we've been through so much, I hope I never want to give up. Good night, I'm off to the tub.

Please say a little prayer

I'm still experiencing some health issues, so I called my dr and he was able to get me in today. Please say a little prayer that everything is okay, or that it's nothing very serious.

At a loss

Things just haven't been good lately. I hate to complain about things, when I know others have much bigger problems, but this blog is a way for me to get things out when I don't know who else to talk to. Physically things don't seem so good. I've had lots of heel pain (I've got heel spurs and plantar fasciitis) , and some other medical issues that I went to the dr to get some tests run. $300 later, I find out they can't find anything wrong. It's frustrating, I don't know if I really have something wrong, or it's just my anxiety making me feel bad. It's frustrating when you go to get help physically and mentally, and you just end up still feeling bad, but poorer, etc.

The other thing that's been weighing heavily on my mind is my sister. We've been having some issues, she hasn't had the time to talk to me, didn't wish me a happy anniversary, and while even her own 10 year old daughter called to wish me a happy birthday, she couldn't talk to me herself. She originally wasn't mad at me, but after all of my hurt feelings about the above mentioned, she's now pissed at me. Umm, something very wrong with this whole picture. She should be apologizing to me, but somehow all of this is my fault for "having a chip on my shoulder". She actually hung up on me tonight because of all of this. It hurts because I don't have much , if any family I am close to, and she was always my best friend and like a mother to me, up until this past year. So now, unless I want to apologize for being upset with her over her ignoring me all these past few months, I can consider her completely writing me off. Yes, my family is dysfunctional, it's one of the things that I've consistently had an empty spot in my life and a longing for a close knit family, whether it's blood family or just friends that are like my family. I'm just at a complete loss about all of this. It hurts and I spent the last part of my birthday crying because my sister didn't call. Mind you, she's always up until this year, been the one to call me first thing in the morning and sing happy birthday to me.

I'm just tired of being lonely, tired of feeling bad physically and mentally, tired of when I try to help myself out, it just backfires. I don't know, maybe I will just try a different dr, and maybe this time it won't bite me in the butt. I'm just confused about everything right now.

Feeling like a lunatic

So the election is over, my guy won, and hopefully he can turn this country around. It's disturbing to read about all the bigotry though, but hopefully he will be a great president and can prove himself to everyone. He has a long road ahead of him.

Lately, I just don't know anymore. I just feel like I am totally losing it. I am in such a funk, in a rotten mood, I scream at my children for good reason and no good reason, arguing with hubby ( we'd been getting along so good for so long, I guess we're overdue) it's just a weird time right now. I'm taking my St. John's, but I don't know, maybe it's just the PMS'ing, but I am just struggling.

We're in the middle of working on our bathroom, and I hope it comes out nicely. John hates it, which actually makes me sad as we've always been a team, and we try to compromise on all our decisions. Well, this one is my baby as he says, and I made all the choices and he hates it. Some wives might not care, I do. He's my partner, and I want him to be happy as well as me. Pray that it all comes together and he changes his mind.

The kids are doing well, other than all the fits lately. I've been spending a lot more time with Elena lately trying to strengthen our bond, and I have to say it's paying off, but I have a long road ahead. The girl is so much like me, stubborn, strong-willed, independent and the temper of a Tazmanian Devil to boot. It could be the death of me, but I'm hanging in, and it feels so nice when she wants me instead of Daddy.

I learned tonight that Elena can count to 10. I had no idea. The kids were also so precious in the tub tonight. Elena was playing, and Jackson wanted to get in, and they had a blast. It was so nice to see them having so much fun, and I hope that they continue to enjoy each other.

This weekend is my birthday, and boy, getting another year older is no fun. I keep thinking one day it will be better, I will be comfortable in my own skin, blah blah, but it hasn't happened yet, and who knows if it will. Maybe crazy people don't experience that comfort, who knows???

Keeping my fingers crossed

Today is election day and I'm so excited to see the outcome of this race! I'm so glad all of this will be over soon, and a new President will be named, hoping it's my guy of course. I stood in line for an hour last week, and while apparently my vote doesn't count ( the downside of living in a Republican state), I feel very blessed and honored to be able to vote. I really don't understand why you wouldn't want to vote. Yes, sometimes it's a pain in the butt, the long lines, the feeling like your vote doesn't count if you're in the minority for your state, but it's still the best thing we have to making our voice heard. I only dream of a time when they can revamp our voting process to make it easier for everyone to vote, and EVERY vote will count. It drives me nuts how a person can get the popular vote, but because of the way the electoral votes go, he still loses. Grrr.

This election has been historic regardless of the outcome. I think it's so awesome that we have gotten to see in my lifetime a black man and a woman running for the Presidency. Granted Hillary didn't get the final nod, but hey, it's all a work in progress. It's about time to put away all those racial and sexual discriminations, and just vote for the best man or woman for the job. Woo hoo!!! One day, I hope to see a woman president, but for now, I am just happy to hopefully have a black man as my president and pray that some idiot doesn't try to shoot him.

Weekly Update

This has been a pretty good week. The kids have been pretty good. My Mom came up Friday to take the kids to the movies and the park. Halloween we went TOT'ing with friends and had a great time. Saturday my head was hurting all day so I didn't do much. We went to the Preds game Saturday night, Vokoun wasn't playing, totally bummed about that one. Sunday we got pics done of the family, then the park with the kiddos, then lunch with a good friend. It was just absolutely the most perfect kind of weather today. Tonight I got my laundry room cleaned out, most of the way, it was absolutely horrible in there and trying to get all the kids seasonal clothes put up.

The week ahead holds work, boring, some cleaning, Bunco at my place, a consignment sale, candle party and a joint birthday party. Whew it's gonna be a busy week, but that's nothing new with us I suppose.

Another week

It's amazing how quickly the days just go by. Work was long this week, but we got our big orders out the door, so that's good. Friday was a nice day hanging out at the house for a bit, Elena took a long nap, and Jackson and I did art projects and made aliens ( Alien Matter Martian maker). Then we went to work for a bit, and then Mommy got to run errands kid-free. Woo hoo!!! That's always a special treat.

Today John carved one of our pumpkins, and now Jackson and Daddy are at a birthday party. When they come home, we're going TOT'ing at the Avenue. Tonight the fam is going to the Preds game while Mommy goes to a friend's adult novelty party. Yahoo!!

Tomorrow my house is in desperate need of cleaning, and I need to get more laundry done. It's a never ending battle that I am constantly losing.

What a blur

This week has flown by and now it's on to a new week. The kids have been good. Elena seemed like she was coming down with something, but maybe it was just allergies or teething or something, because she's been totally fine ever since. Jackson's good, although he's missing his bud at one of his MDO's. Wish he would come back soon.

We did our Halloween crafts and I think they came out pretty good. Jackson wanted to know when he could eat some of the Halloween gingerbread house, but seeing as how it had been sitting out for days, I told him no could do.

Saturday I can't even remember what we did, don't think it was much other than the kids driving me crazy, John at work most of the day, and the house a horrific wreck as usual. Today we had a friend's daughter watch the kids and we went to work. Not the best way to spend a Sunday, but we got the stuff done we needed to do, and actually a little bit more that hopefully will make this week a little easier.

Tomorrow is school for the kids, dance for Elena, and then Jackson's class goes to the Pumpkin patch this week. I hope he has a blast.

Nuts

Thank goodness fall break is over!!! You know how I always go back and forth about staying home w/ the kids? Well, this week my answer would be a big No. I guess it was just because they were so excited to be w/ us full time, but man, they were absolutely bonkers this week. We had fun though, went to Michaels and got some cool crafts to do, and actually made it to a playdate. I made sure every day was filled w/ lots of fun.

Our kittens now have names, Spike, the black one, and Goose, the long haired gray one, get it? Grey Goose? hehehe Poor kitty has a respiratory infection, and has proceeded to give it to Spike.

Today I bought a new kitchen table, woo hoo!! Marble top, dark wood legs, and leather seats. I love it, and can't wait to get it set up.

This weekend we have a wedding, Predator game, and birthday party. Whew!!!

Big ole blur

The week is almost over, and it went by in a blur as usual. The kids are doing good, and the extra time we are getting to spend with each other is good for the most part, a little hard when work is hectic, you're trying to wait on a customer and your kid is trying to talk to you about needing to poop. Yep, good times. I took the kids to the library the other day, and it was pretty fun, would have been a little easier without my wild child girl, but good nonetheless. I had Jackson sign up for his very own library card, it's never too early to teach a love of reading. I used to love to read as a child, but in adulthood, it's too hard to even find the time to read the paper or a magazine, much less a book. Maybe next year I will be able to find more time to do that. He checked out 15 books. All of them about dragons, bugs or dinosaurs.

Tuesday I took the kids to the pound and we adopted two precious little kittens. I was only supposed to get one, but Jackson fell in love with 1, Elena another, and I both of them. So we now have two precious little kittens. I'll have to post pics, they are soooo adorable!!! Now if we could get them named. Jackson has decided between Spike and Metzo. Elena keeps calling him Macy, which is the name of our female cat, and Jackson keeps trying to name him Tree Branch, so I guess John and I will try to think of a good name.

Tomorrow, I am hoping to have enough time to take Jackson to BAM for their grand opening, they are supposed to have a magician there and Jackson loved a magician that was at Camp Avenue, not sure if it's the same one, but I thought we would check it out. Tomorrow night we're going to try to go to Lighthouse for a festival they are doing, with inflatables, face painting, etc. Hope it will be fun. Got some work to do this weekend as well. groan.

Next week, the kids will be on fall break, and we have a big order to get out, of course, so I am looking for a babysitter next week, at least for one day. Wish me luck.

Back to craziness

Well my nice smooth weekend of fun is over, and the insanity, fits, crying and tantrums is back in full throttle and no I'm not talking about me, but I guess I'm guilty of a few of the above mentioned, lol. So tonight I am taking a minute to remember why I am blessed.

I have 2 incredibly adorable kids, who are for the most part, very well mannered, polite, and amaze me daily.

A delicious martini that I just finished.

A new tv season, including Amazing Race , Chuck, and one of my faves ( Pushing Daisies) which have started and or are just about to start.

My two Tivos which I don't know how I lived without them.

A hubby who loves me regardless of my age, size, hair length, color, etc. He's a good man, usually. lol

Seeing my kids more now and the fact that they love their new schools, makes Mama very happy.

The crisp fall air. I love Fall and Spring, and I am oh so happy to be done with summer.

Good friends, which might be few and far between, but I'd rather a few great friends than lots of acquantinces.

A good hot bath, with music , candles and a nice bottle of wine.

If you're reading this, please take the time to think of your blessings. It's so easy to get caught up in all the craziness of our busy hectic lives, that it's nice to just take a breath and remember what is really important.

Things are good

I was in limbo as to if I wanted my Mom to watch the kids after her reaction wasn't what I had hoped for, and so what did I do when I called her Saturday? Was I an adult and let her take the kids if she felt good? Oh no, I decided to start a fight. I called and she was in a good mood, felt great and ready to keep the kids. I told her I didn't think so, and then proceeded to let all the annoyances I've been feeling toward her come bursting forth. Yep, I just couldn't help myself. I'll spare details, but it wasn't good, and I made some awful threats. I swear I just don't know what is wrong with me sometimes. Of course, later the urge to do the "right thing" overcame me, as it always does, dang my conscience, and I called her to apologize and said she could take the kids. Why oh why do they love going to her house so much??? I hate it there. I've always wanted to leave home for as long as I could remember. I never fit in, it's almost like I just can't breathe there.

So I rush to get the kids packed, we go to Nashville to watch the Preds practice and then meet my Mom. I do have to give my Mom credit for one thing, although this has also driven me nuts many times about her, she has the ability to basically forget an argument almost immediately. I certainly didn't get that trait from her, as I am a sit and stew, holding a grudge much longer than I should. So I see her and am nice to her, and what had she done? She had bought the kids some clothes from a consignment sale, and not only did she buy them stuff, she actually WASHED everything that morning for me so that I wouldn't have more laundry than I already have. Made me feel like a total heel!!! Now I realize it sounds like my Mom is a saint, and trust me, she isn't. She was a horrible Mom to me, but she has gotten better through the years though, we just have always had issues with one another. But on that morning, it did make me appreciate some of the wonderful things she does.

So hubby and I went to the Pottery place to do a mosaic picture for her birthday next week, and it took forever, but I am hoping it comes out pretty. I can't wait to see it!!! We then went to Red Lobster to eat, it was delicious!!! Then went back to our shop for a little one on one, and then to the movies to see Tropic Thunder. It was pretty funny, and I have to admit, Tom Cruise did steal the show, even though he had a bit part, it was hysterical! We slept in a little this morning, had a nice leisurely morning, and maybe we'll go to the shop today for a bit, to try to get more of the place kid friendly so the kids can have a better time when I take them there after MDO.

It's been a wonderful weekend, and I'm so glad hubby and I have had a chance to reconnect. It's sometimes very hard to do that when you see the person 24/7 at work, home, etc, and then add 2 kids to the mix while you're trying to work, it gets a little hectic. I can't believe we've been together for almost 19 years!!!

We made it through the week

Well, we made it through our first week of part-time care, and I have to say, so far so good. I love being able to see the kids more, and they seem to really love their new schools. I know it will get much tougher when work gets busier, but for now, I am happy to have them around.

I'm feeling much better, and Elena is feeling better, but I am still so drained right now, and I seem to be losing my hair. I normally shed quite a bit anyway, but this is more than normal. I hope it's not a serious health issue so I guess I will keep watching to see if it doesn't get better. I'm hoping the constant fatigue is just me trying to get over all of this crud, and the lack of sleep I've been deprived of for so long.

I've been in a pretty good mood this week, although today I am in a foul mood. I'm frustrated and fed up with so much right now, and hope that this too, will go away in a day or two. I'm hoping to go to the Pottery place tomorrowto work on my Mother's birthday gift, and I need to get some work done this weekend at the shop too. I guess the weekend will be gone before I know it.

Will I ever learn?

Why do I keep doing this to myself? My Mom has been talking about wanting to see the kids, so this morning I get the bright idea to call her and see if she would like to watch the kids overnight tomorrow. It would give her and the kids a chance to visit for a while, and hubby and I could have a well deserved night off since we've been working so hard, sickness, etc. What's her reaction? Oh she needs to check with her hubby and make sure it's okay. Okay, I would have much preferred " gee, I'd love to see the kids, that sounds great!", but okay whatever. So I talk to her later this evening, she talked to her hubby, and he says it's fine with him, well guess what her answer is " can I get back with you tomorrow morning, and see if I feel okay?" First of all, I have to be in Nashville early tomorrow, plus if the kids are going to go, I have lots of packing to do.

Now I know my Mother has health issues, and you know in reality, her answer SHOULD be just fine, and I could let it go, BUT this is the same Mother who when her other daughter wants her to babysit, which is at least once usually a couple of times a week, and she doesn't even usually asks her, she just tells her she needs her to watch the kids, and you know what, she does it. EVERY time!! I usually only ask my Mom to watch the kids once every 4-8 weeks or so. I am just so tired of this. One of the reasons my Mom is so tired and doesn't feel good is because she's always watching my sister's kids. grrrr

So my dilemna is, should I just suck it up and if she decides she wants to watch the kids, let her, when I know it would make my kids oh so happy, or go with my first instinct ( which isn't a nice idea, and makes me look like a spoiled brat) and just tell her forget it? I could try this method and be nice about it, although knowing me, we would get into a big argument how I feel my kids are not getting the same treatment as my niece and nephew, etc.

I know I should just let it go, but I see my kids going through the same crap that I went through as a child, feeling like they aren't good enough, and the preferential treatment to somebody else. It's not a good feeling, and to top it off, my kids are much better behaved than my sister's kids who wear her out so much, that she hardly has the energy for my kids.

I keep telling myself, that I won't ask her to watch them again, that when she wants to see them, I will say no, but I know my kids for some strange reason, love to go to visit her, and I want to see them happy. sigh.....

Made it

FIL came into town Thursday and the visit was short but sweet. I feel bad since the past 3 times he's come, both Elena and I have been sick, and knock on wood, Elena and Jackson too for that matter, tend to be fairly healthy kids. I told him he makes us sick, since we've been sick every time he's come this year. I felt bad though since Elena wasn't at her best, and I wish he could have seen how she normally acts. She was still adorable, but she just didn't feel good. She didn't sparkle like she normally does, my girl is a total babydoll, except for the screaming banshee fits. lol Oh and to make matters worse, I found out he's sick now too. I feel rotten.

We've made it through the first days of both MDO's. It's been quite the emotional rollercoaster, as the first MDO hubby informed me he didn't like , the first day he picked the kids up. Made me feel awful, since I am the one who has to call, do the interviewing and picking the schools since he is so busy. Anyway, I was all upset about his disapproval, but I'm going to see how things go. The kids seem to like the schools, especially the one that John hates, but the kids seems to really like them. As long as my kids are happy, that makes Mommy happy. If I need to work a little harder on teaching them more educational things on my own time, then so be it.

Elena and I are starting to finally feel better, but man, I am so drained lately. I hope it's just the lack of sleep and being ill. I'm used to running full speed, on no sleep, so this is tough to be feeling tired by 8 or 9. So not my style.

Holy crap!!! I got a call, well John did, I wasn't home, about my 20 year high school reunion. I swear I don't feel that old, well for the most part. It's crazy that I've been out of school that long. I guess I need to go, since I skipped my 10, but I need to start working on looking better physically so I can feel better about myself. I tell you, I must be getting old, because I am really starting to worry some about my health. I have little panic attacks sometimes about the fact that I am old enough to have a heart attack, etc. Frightening I tell you.

I had a weird dream yesterday about finding out I was pregnant. Would be nice if true, but really I don't think we could swing it. I'm very lucky to have the two I have, as hubby was adamant about only wanting one.

This week has flown by, and I'm still feeling a little off key, hopefully once I am fully well, I will feel back to normal, who knows? I'm so far loving my new schedule, I adore my kids, and hey, I haven't killed my hubby yet, so things are good. LOL

What a week!

Wednesday I had my Lipstick Jungle premiere party and I have to say overall it was pretty good. Other than feeling like crap because of this terrible cold. The company, food, drinks and show were all good, and wow, I was surprised by what happened on the show.

Thursday my FIL came into town, and I felt bad, because the past three times that he's been here this year, both Elena and I have been sick. She seriously hasn't even been sick much more than that, it just always seems to coincide with his arrival. He still had a good visit, but my poor little girl just isn't feeling well at all. I took her to the dr Friday and they think it's viral, the dr said it's not contagious, but when I talked to my normal dr, he says she is as long as she's feeling bad. WTH??? She's really having a tough time, she's getting some new molars in, on top of this infection, and the poor girl is really just inconsolable. It's not like her at all.

The kids had their last day at daycare Friday, and now it's on to their new MDO programs. I really hope that this is the right thing for our family. Only time will tell I suppose.

My FIL left this morning, and John and I were both supposed to work, but as I couldn't find a sitter, and Elena having such a tough time, I stayed home with her. Brutal day I tell you. Hubby's still at work, but fortunately he did find gas today. Grrr I am so sick of this gas crap, the prices are bad enough, but add to the fact that you can't even find any overpriced gas anywhere and I tell you, it's pretty frustrating, especially when your car is on E and you don't know what you're gonna do about it.

I'm still hacking and coughing up a lung, and I just pray Elena can actually sleep tonight, she's having the worst time lately. Tomorrow was supposed to be spent going to Dickson for my sister's birthday, but with me sick, John working, and Elena possibly contagious?? I'm thinking I won't be able to go. I know my sister will be pissed, but there's nothing I can do unless we miraculously wake up well tomorrow. Plus my hormones or the stress of my life is just really getting to me because man I am a raving lunatic right now, and can have a total crying meltdown over the slightest thing. Oh joy.

Is anybody listening?

Do you ever just have days where you feel like you are talking, but nobody is listening? I'm having one of those moments. It's funny how sometimes you can just feel like that, or like you're invisible or something. I feel that way a lot. Not sure if it's good or bad, I guess it usually is a little bit of both good and bad. Strange.....

A sigh of relief

This week has been exhausting. John and I had a huge order we needed to get out and I was really proud of us because we actually got the order finished early. Yes, you heard me right EARLY. Anyone that knows me, knows early isn't my specialty in any aspect of my life. lol It took us working late all week, one night even until midnight but it got done, and I'm relieved.

I was able to go to Bunco Friday since I got my work done, and I had a good time. Saturday was a birthday party, and the kids had a great time! We actually had another party that we wanted to try to make, but we were too pooped. I had gone to bed around 1:30 the night before, and then Elena got us up at 2, then she got us up for good at 5:45. grrr Tonight I am hoping to get a good night's rest. Tomorrow I plan on cleaning and getting caught up on my neverending laundry piles. Can I dare ever dream of not being behind on laundry???

My little ballerina

Monday was Elena's first dance class. Yes, it's a little funny that I'm starting her so young, but the girl loves music and dancing and I thought it would be some good bonding time for us. There were only 3 girls in class including Elena. One girl already knew some of the moves, since she has 3 older sisters all in dance, and the other little girl didn't seem to want to do much. Elena didn't do too bad. She was so cute in her little tights, tutu and shoes. She's the youngest in her class. I think she did pretty good considering her age and all.

Calgon Take Me Away

Can I just stay in bed all month with my head buried under the covers??? This is soooo not a good month for me, and it's only the 4th!! Aaacckk!!!

Back to reality

The long weekend is over and it's back to reality tomorrow. We had a great time this weekend. It's nice to just spend lots of quality family together. We made the playdate today, albeit we were late, what a shocker! LOL We had a good time, even if we baked in the sun. I got a nice little burn, even though I put on lots of sunscreen, it had melted off, oh well. The kids had fun, we played, then did lunch. Then back to the shop, I dropped them off and did some errands. Saved lots of bucks, which is so much fun and quite addictive, then popsicles on the way home. We hooked up the sprinkler tonight and the kids had a blast. Sorry for the pun, but they did. Then I taught Elena how to change a diaper on her baby, she loved doing it over and over. She's such a good little caretaker. We took video of her. The kids are conked out now.

We also made it through the CC. It made me feel bad to see Jackson hurting during it, but I am hoping he is all cleaned up and hopefully his troubles will be behind us. I really don't want to take him to a GI specialist.

I hope everyone had a great weekend, but now it's time to finish making dinner and spending some time with my hubby.

Yay for holiday weekends!!!

Well, it's amazing how much more energy I have since the last post. Work, kids, and just everyday life have been so stressful, I just really needed a break. Anybody that really knows me, knows that I just do way too much, but I like to make the days fun and special for the kids. So, instead of just relaxing this holiday weekend, which you would think we would do since I've been so tired, and we're doing Jackson's CC in which we wanted to stay close to home, we opted for another fun-filled weekend.

Friday night was a playdate with a friend. We originally went to McD, but it was raining and the roof apparently was leaking, so they had the playland closed, so it was off to Chik-fil-a. We had a good time and got home pretty late.

My membership at the zoo and Discovery Center both expire tomorrow, so we went to DC yesterday and had a great time, we fed the ducks and even stayed late that night on the playground and did a little picnic.

Today we went to the zoo and it felt like it was at least 100+ degrees. Scorching hot, but the kids had a great time which makes for a happy mommy. The only bad part, other than all of the crying and screaming kids, which in turn made Elena cry, and the blistering heat, was the fact that Jackson choked on an ice cube while we were watching one of the zoo shows. At first I didn't realize he was choking, he was crying, then I realized what was going on, and I am so not good at emergencies, I flipped him over trying to get it out, and couldn't, so hubby did. OMG I was so scared!!! I could seriously not live if something ever happened to my kids. It was truly one of the scariest times in my life, right there with the time we couldn't find Jackson. It shook him up pretty good, and me too, but after a while he was fine, and I was just so thankful for my sweet little babies.

Tomorrow we may try to make a playdate and then Tuesday is back to normal for work and school. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend!

Tired

I am exhausted tonight. Usually we're on the go all week and it doesn't seem to bother me , but I guess it's just catching up to me. We had open house at the kids' school and they had a blast. It was nice to be able to chat with the teachers and find out more about what goes on in their classes. I'm not sure yet what's going to happen about keeping them in school. They both like it there, but having 2 kids in full-time daycare is just really tough on the budget. I'd also like to stay home full time with the kids, but I do have work at the shop that I need to do as well. I'd like to try to have the best of both worlds and have the kids do part-time school, part-time home, but their school doesn't do that. It's leaving lots of questions for us to consider and weighs heavily on my mind. I really don't want to pull them again, especially since this is the 3rd school for Jackson in a year, but I guess I just need to pray about it all, and see what I can manage.

Busy, busy

This week has been so busy, it just kind of seems like a blur. Work has been kicking my butt, tons to do there. Jackson got sick Thursday, so we stayed home Thursday and Friday. Just a bug, nothing to do but wait it out, but I took the time to ask the dr about the knot on his face and his constipation issues. The lattter is not going so well, so we might have to go to a specialist, but we'll have to see how the colon cleanse goes next week. That shouldn't be too fun. Poor guy!

My computer at work broke this week, which unfortunately just puts me further behind. Saturday was a good day. Took the kids to Backyardigans and it was so much fun!! I swear I think I enjoy it more than the kids, just getting to snuggle with them and dancing in my chair, trying to get the kids to yell out when they want participation. It's just so much fun! I wondered how they would do, since John didn't come, and Jackson had been sick this week and Elena's been moody and teething. They were great though, we only had one little meltdown from Elena in the bathroom. Not too bad. It was such a cute little show, and I was thrilled that they had a dragon in it, as Jackson's latest fascinations are dragons. I got each kid a cute little beanie baby, Jackson chose Austin, and Elena chose Tasha. Elena kept putting it in her mouth and chewing it like a dog would, pulling it. It was so bizarre and cute.

Then I met my Mom in Nashville, and she took the kids back home with her. Then it was off to get some lunch, and the grocery store. Then home to clean the house, and get ready for a fun night out with a friend, shopping and getting some drinks and dinner. I stopped by VS for my free undies, woo hoo, and got fitted for a bra. Who knew I was a D??? Not me. I used my $10 off coupon to get a fabulous new bra, called Biofit. Very nice bra. I had a great time shopping, eating, drinking, and just hanging out.

Sunday is a day to go to the shop, try to get some work done, and then go meet my Mom in Nashville to get the kids. Mom's already called this morning, Jackson's been throwing a fit about his shorts. I swear, I will be so glad when he grows out of this crap. He freaks about almost every pair of shorts, saying they're " too tight". They aren't, he's just been so weird about it lately. Let's hope that the fits subside, so I don't have to pick the kids up early, since I really need to get some work done at the shop since my computer stuff is a few days behind from all of the drama of the week.

Tiny Dancer

This weekend has seemed like such a blur, so short and yet so long. How is that possible??? Saturday we went to an open house at a dance studio that are customers of ours. I'd been thinking about enrolling Elena in their tiny dancer program. It's for kids 18 months-3 yrs old. We went to look around, and Elena seemed to really like the place, and like the teachers, so I decided to go for it and sign her up. I never in a million years thought I would enroll my daughter in dance. I never wanted to be a ballerina growing up, and am kind of the anti-ballerina/princess kind of chick, but oh how quickly that changes when you have your own little princess in training. lol Never say never, right? So I bought her some tights and ordered the tiniest ballerina shoes that they make. I didn't need to buy a tutu, since I had already found one at consignment. Plus, I'm sure I'll be hitting up Target for a backup. Gotta have my little diva all dolled up. She starts the Monday after Labor Day. It's a Mommy and Me kind of class, so it should be good bonding time for us, along with all the fun things she'll learn. Ever since I mentioned that she and I needed to bond more, we have. Things have been pretty good between us. She's been getting quite mad at her Daddy, why I have no idea. She tried to shove him out of the way, and she has hit him quite a few times. She also wouldn't let him get her out of her crib this afternoon after her nap. I'm just glad that she and I are bonding more.

We really didn't do too much this weekend other than lots of errands, cleaning, playing, and hubby actually cleaned the car out. That was a long job. It's amazing how filthy a car can get when you have two little ones in the back seat. Lots of crumbs, spills, toys, etc. Yuck!!! Oh, we did release our butterflies this morning. We had bought one of those butterfly habitats, and thank goodness it was time to set them free. My cat kept trying to get to them, so we had to keep the butterflies locked away. It was so awesome watching the kids reach their little hands in their and being so gentle with them. The butterflies would land on their little fingers and then we put them on our butterfly bush. How cool!!!

I am totally exhausted now from the long day, and hope to go take a bubble bath as soon as I get my little man to bed.

Grumpy

I'm still here, but just not much to say right now. It's that time of the month, and I've been very grouchy the past few days. I feel sorry for my family having to deal with me right now.

Concern

Well, we made it through another weekend. John took Jackson to the Dr. Friday about the knot from his black eye. We also figured why he was there that they could look at the rash on his tush. The rash was no problem, eczema, which should go away in a few days with cortizonbe cream. Not surprised on that one. I have sensitive skin and eczema, and all my family has issues with their skin, no surprise that my children do. The knot on the other hand has me a little concerned. It's what I thought it was, a calcification, which can actually be quite common. It's kind of like a scar, but under the skin. Well, in all likelihood, it will go away, but the dr told us, best and worst case scenarios. Best, it goes away. Worse, it could stay with him forever, and it could alter his face. Like when he grows, it will shift, and can actually cause a part of his face to SINK IN. IF that bothered us, we could eventually do surgery, but only after he's an adult and done growing. First of all, let me say I am so glad John took him, because if I had, I would have burst into tears when he told me this. Now yes, I realize, this is a WORST case scenario and the likelihood probably isn't very likely, BUT the chance of this eventually happening to my sweet little guy is just awful! I know it would only be cosmetic, and I will always think my son is gorgeous, and in the greater realm of things, beauty isn't that important, but let's face it, kids are cruel and I don't want either of my children ridiculed. I already worry about Elena with her "stork bite" that probably won't ever go away. I got ridiculed as a child for having horrible teeth, and trust me it stays with you. I would want to beat anybody that made fun of my kids for any so called " deformities". So I will hope for the best, and when Jackson asked if his face was okay, I told him it was healing just fine and he's absolutely perfect in every way.

The rest of the weekend was fairly good, although I haven't been feeling too well. Not sure if is stress or whatever. I went to the Precious Angels 1/2 price cosnignment sale and got some good stuff for the kiddos. Saturday we didn't do much, did some stuff around the house and then went on a wild goose chase for a Spiderman set that used to be everywhere last year, but now that my son wants it, for Christmas mind you, and he wants me to buy it and put it away until Christmas now, was crazy. We went everywhere and I finally had to buy it online. Thank God for internet shopping!

Today I wanted to go to a Back to School Celebration, but Elena took way too long of a nap, so we just went to Discovery Center. The kids had a good time and we saw a snake in the water and some turtles. We also fed the ducks and played on the playground. It was a good day.

I tried to spend more time with Elena today. John has brought it to my attention, which I already knew, and it made me feel worse to hear it reinforced that I treat Jackson way differently and better than Elena. I love them both more than anything, but I guess I do have more of a bond with Jackson, plus he ALWAYS wants my attention whereas Elena doesn't. It sitll makes me feel bad though. I don't ever want my children to feel like I felt growing up. I was the second child, and it was always my Mom and sister, and I was the oddball. My sister and Mom have a connection that I will never share with my Mom. It made me realize how much I miss my special time with Elena when I was working from home, and Jackson was at daycare, and it was just us two girls. I need to start making more time for my little baby girl.

The next chapter

I'm feeling a little down tonight. The question was brought up on my Mom's group about would you be a surrogate? Got me to thinking. While I would like to think that I could be a surrogate for somebody very deserving, I know that I won't be one, even if I wanted to, not sure mind you that I could distance myself enough anyway, but I'm sure I couldn't qualify even if I wanted to, since I am to the age you have to worry about Down's syndrome etc. My eggs are past their prime. lol

I also know that we are done, as John has had a vasectomy, and honestly we probably couldn't handle a third. I am very lucky to have the 2 I have, since he was dead set against a second, but the upcoming birth that one of the mom's in my group is approaching and another mom in the group is in her second trimester, leaves me thinking about all of wonderful aspects of being pregnant. I had a hard time with both pregnancies as far as m/s went, and yes, my labors were almost 19 hours for Jackson, and 15 hours for Elena, the actual pushing time was less than 5 minutes for each child. I loved being pregnant, loved the flutters, the kicks, hiccups, just the overall feeling that you were creating this life and the idea that all of those body parts are growing because of you, is just completely exhilirating. I was also the healthiest I have ever been for my pregnancies as well.

I'm entering a new chapter in my life, I'm done with pregnancies, my baby is becoming more of a toddler/child, and pyschologically I guess it can be a little tough. While I have a lot of new chapters opening in my life, I look forward to seeing my children grow, being done with diapers, etc, I still need I guess to mourn the prospects of me never being childbearing again.

Heat and bites

I'm really starting to get tired of this blistering heat. I am so ready for the fall. I love the change of the colors of leaves, and the crisp cool clean air. It also signals that Halloween, Thanksgiving and my fave, Christmas are just around the corner. I can't wait! I'm already thinking this year we will stay home for Christmas. This will be the FIRST year that we've not travelled to at least Dickson and usually Texas on Christmas Day since John and I have been together. Mind you, we've been together for almost 19 years!!! Yikes! So I think it's well deserved to stay home. Woo hoo!!

Sorry to get off on a whole other tangent. Anyway, this heat is awful and EVERY day that we come home, the kids want to go outside and play on the trampoline. Groan. It's so hot and we have horrible mosquitos in the yard. They eat me up pretty good and poor Elena gets huge welts from them. The boys are as tasty I suppose. We load up on the bug spray, but I guess they get the spots we miss, or maybe Elena and I are just too irresistable. lol I would love to just come home and stay inside, but it's important for the kids to be able to go out and play, plus they really have a good time, which makes for a happy Mama, even if I am all itchy.

Work was busy today, I have lots of catching up to do. In fact me and or hubby will be working late most of the week. We couldn't get a sitter, so I guess we will take turns on working late.

Tomorrow I hope to have another productive day.

Our nice little weekend

The weekend unfortunately went by way too fast, but it was a good time. Saturday morning we had pictures in Franklin for Elena. She was getting pics made in a dress that was made by my great great grandmother. It's been in the family for almost 100 years. Overall I think the pictures went fairly okay. Here's a link to them, although they haven't been color corrected or edited at all yet. http://www.apgphotography.com/mp_client/pictures.asp?action=viewphotos&size=thumbnails&thumbpagenum=1&eventid=44403&eventstatus=0&categories=no&keywords2=no&groupid=%200&bw=true&sep=true&ckw=false
They're not bad, but frankly I think John could have done just as good or better, for free, instead of the high cost of the sitting fee, but my Mom was footing the bill and she wanted the pics to somewhat match the ones of my niece from 8 years ago.

After the pics, my Mom took us out to Romano's Macaroni Grill for lunch. Normally I don't think much of the place, but I have to admit, my food was delicious. After that , my Mom took the kids back to Dickson with her, and we went to a friend's art exhibit in Franklin. I even bought an actual painting! Aaaahhh! I've always wanted to own a " real" piece of art, and my hubby liked this small painting of our friend's the best and it was affordable, so we now own a " real" painting instead of just a reproduction. woo hoo!!! I love art! My fave was $2800, which I don't have just lying around, so oh well, maybe another day for me, but it's a nice that I could buy a little something for hubby.

After that we went to see The Dark Knight. It was very good, although very violent, and a little sad at the ending. Heath Ledger did a fabulous job. Afterward we went back to Murfreesboro, stopped by the shop for a bit, then went to Chop House. It was very good, although I ordered some nasty mushrooms with Bearnaise sauce. I had no clue what Bearnaise was, but I now know I dont' like it. lol Oh well, live and learn.

Sunday morning we got up and decided to get some lunch and then once again go to the movies. We never get to go to see movies that aren't animated, so I knew John wanted to see Hancock so we went to that. I had heard bad reviews, but I liked it. It was pretty good and was entertaining. We had a nice time. Afterward, hubby had to go do some pictures for a customer, and I went to Nashville to pick up the bambinos. They had a great time at my Mom's and I was happy that they did. My Mom has been so flaky lately, and while she had a little bit of a hard time with Elena, she still had fun. I was so happy to get the kids back and get back to our routine. Elena was so happy to see me, and Jackson was asleep but when he woke up he was happy too. Awww, I love my kids to pieces. We got home just a few minutes before hubby got home from his photography session, so it was nice to have the timing so good. Then the kids played outside on the trampoline and we did bubbles. It was just a really good weekend!!!

Hump Day

This week is just flying by. It's funny how time flies the older you get. This week has been a little bumpy to say the least, but I am really amazed and happy that my newfound positive attitude for the most part is staying with me. Sure hubby has been annoying and I still get lonely, but for the most part, things are good.

Work is calming down a little, so I need to really get off my butt and the computer and start getting caught up on my job. I've been in the back assembling and helping customers so much, that my accounting is WAY behind. Woopsie, the government and vendors don't like it when they don't get their reports or get paid.

Last night was actually kind of a nice evening. We picked the kids up and went to Sir Pizza for dinner. It's the only restaurant close to us, other than McD ( yuck) so we actually went and sat down, which we hardly ever do anymore and it was nice. Elena was a little wild, but the kids actually ate a little and it was just a nice evening.

I also accomplished my SMIL shopping. In case you're ever looking for a cool hat, don't go to Kohl's. All they have are big floppy sun hats. So I was off on a wild hat chase and finally found a cute little pageboy hat buried under a bunch of ugly ones at TJ Maxx. It was cheap too which is always good. So I ended up getting her a cute hat, a really neat pair of sunglasses, and a Feng Shui candle set all for $25. Score!!!

Jackson is still asking me if my hair is growing. That boy has a very odd fascination with hair. I got to meet his little "girlfriend". He had told me the other day about Kaity Beth. He said she was his friend, but a girl. I said that's fine, girls can be your friends too, but he said it in such a way, that I knew something was up. So I asked him if she was pretty, yep, he thinks she is. How did I know?? lol The boy is girl crazy. So today after we dropped the kids off at school, I asked his teacher which one is Kaity, she showed me and I couldn't believe it. She's a blonde!!! Nothing against blondes, because blonde is pretty, and they probably do have more fun, but my boy is ALWAYS into brunettes, always has been, so this little blonde haired blue eyed girl really surprised me. She is adorable though, my guy does have good taste. lol

Both kids seem to really be liking their new school and it makes me so happy to be able to drop them off with smiles on their faces instead of them whining that they want to go home and crying. It would be nice to be able to stay home with them, but that just isn't my life. Bummer. I'd probably go crazy at home, well crazier than I already am, and Lord knows I would never get out of my jammies, but hey I would save a fortune on clothes and makeup since I would never wear them. hee hee.

Well, off to work.

Another weekend flies by

How in the world do these weekends fly by??? It was a good weekend. Saturday we had a housewarming party at a friend's house. I decided to actually make a dessert. In my Mom's group, one of the members had posted a wonderful recipe for Oreo Dirt Cake. I decided to give it a whirl. Since this was a housewarming and food and gift were required, I decided to try to make the dirt cake, and for a gift, we were going to do a plant. Also since I didn't have a big enough bowl to serve it in, I stole said members idea of making the desert in a planter complete with gummy worms and plastic flowers. I have to say it turned out beautifully! I found a great planter at Kmart that was supposed to be $20 for $5, in a nice golden color and I lined it with a plastic bag, then tons of saran wrap, put the layers of dessert in, and had Jackson put gummy worms on top, then a bunch of pretty red fake flowers, that I washed and then put in there. It was really pretty and was the hit of the party. She can now take the plant I gave her and re-pot it in the nice planter the dessert was in. We had a great time! Jackson played with his best friend, Elena and I made a new little friend, I'm telling you this little girl loved me. She gave the biggest belly laughs I've ever heard a little kid do, it was absolutely hysterical. I met some new nice people and the friend that was hosting the party, offered to take the kids off my hands for an evening soon, so John and I can have a date. That was so nice of her! Elena absolutely loves her, and she's the mom of Jackson's best friend, so it's kind of a win-win for the kids, and me too. lol

Today we went to a birthday party and had a great time there as well. It was a great party and the kids got adorable little goody bags, so they were happy campers. I had to drop John off at work afterwards, which stunk, then I took the kids home and we had a good time and I also managed to get the house back in order. It had looked like a tornado hit the kitchen ( from the messiness of my culinary delight the day before) and the living room had been lucky enough to have all of the kids toys spilled out earlier.

I'm hoping for a good week at work, and then next weekend I"m doing pictures of Elena in our family's heirloom dress. It's been in our family for almost 100 years. I hope it goes well. Then my Mom actually asked if she could take the kids back to Dickson with her after we do pics. I was shocked. Part of me wanted to say no, but I have to be a bigger person than that, and think of what's best for my kids, and I know Jackson has been dying to stay the night with her, and he adores playing with my nephew, so I suppose she will take them Saturday and I will pick them up Sunday. On the positive at least John and I can have a date Saturday night. Maybe we can finally go see the Dark Knight. woo hoo!!!!

Time for the weekend

The week has flown by and now I'm ready for the weekend. Thursday I went to the Sheryl Crowe concert with my sister and niece and we had a good time. We went to dinner beforehand, then the concert. It was very nice! James Blunt was pretty good, and Sheryl Crowe was awesome as usual. I need to check out her newest CD, some of the new songs were pretty good. She put on a great show, and my sister even bought me a cool t-shirt. A very nice evening.

Tomorrow brings a house warming party and Sunday a birthday party. Should be a fun weekend!

14"

That is the amount of hair I had cut off yesterday! Holy crap!!! John and Jackson hate it, it's not quite what I asked for, but it's hair, it will grow back and it's nice having it short for once. It's like a fresh start for me to go with my new attitude. The only reason Jackson didn't get upset is because I told him I was donating it to people who are sick and don't have hair, but he still doesn't like it. He asked why I got it cut this way. lol Kids. I will try to post pics soon, but seeing as how I am not good at that kind of stuff, I will have to rely on hubby and he sucks about having the time to do that. lol

I just had some yummy Chinese food for lunch and can't wait to hit up the consignment sale tonight. I'm hoping for a good day! Why is it that DH and I can never be on the same page with our moods? When he's in a good mood, I'm in a bad mood, and vice versa. Grrr, he needs to get on the same page with me. Maybe I should start drugging him. lol

Short

Work was fairly boring today. Tomorrow I have lots to do, and I plan on going to the pre-sale at the consignment sale. I hope I find some good stuff. After work, we got the kids, went and got hair cuts and then to Big Lots. I even got my hair cut. I was going to wait until I could get into a good salon, but I've been ready to say goodbye to all this length and was ticked that I had tried to get an appointment at Norman's place and they never called me back, so I got it cut at Supercuts. Granted, it's not a good cut, it doesn't look like the pic I selected, but oh well. It WILL grow back, so who cares? Actually hubby and Jackson don't like it, which makes me feel a little bad, but oh well, it's not horrible and like I said, it will grow. I guess I will find a good salon to go to and get it shaped better in the next couple of weeks or so. I can't believe how short it is. I haven't measured how much was taken off, but it's the shortest I've worn my hair since before I met John 18 years ago. Wow!!!

Made it through the weekend

The shower gift got here in time, and was adorable. The punch turned out fairly good. The shower was nice. I worked late Friday and John finally got the printer working okay. He finished up the order Saturday while I took the kids to the antique show with my Mom. She really does drive me crazy. She just doesn't even seem to want to spend much time with them. It makes me sad that my kids are getting shortchanged in the grandparent department, but there's only so much I can do. All I can do, is try to let them do stuff with their grandparents when they can, and shower my children with all the love, affection and attention that they can stomach from me. lol

The kids went to bed way too late last night, and they got up way too early this morning. It kills me how no matter what time they go to bed, they still get up early. Jackson didn't fall asleep until 11, then crawled into bed with us at 3, then he was up for good at 5. Seeing as how it was John's turn, he was pretty ticked. I got to sleep in a little, but John was mad, because he thought I slept too long and should have gotten up earlier to let him go back to bed. Heck, I was up from 3-5, then I got up around 7 with Elena for a bit, then went back to bed until 10. Holy cow! I probably got about 5 total hours of sleep. Yes, I am so incosiderate. Can you sense my sarcasm? So this morning started off rough, then we went to Smyrna to shop a bit, and it got better, then the kids started acting up again, which made him mad. I'm still trying to keep mostly positive though about everything. Jackson hopefully will be in bed in a few, and then hopefully we can just chill and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Oh Elena peed in the potty the other day and also pooped. She's definitely interested in learning, but she can be a little difficult since she will sit, then stand, then sit, etc and it makes for a messy process. Please Lord help me through this and let her learn quickly. Jackson took quite a while and I would be totally thrilled if I could have her trained by 2. Wouldn't this just be super? A girl can always dream. lol

I pray for a good week, with orders completed on time and not a lot of stress. I've got the Sheryl Crow concert this week, which should be a good time. She always puts on a good show.

Well, off to tuck my sweet little man into bed. Good night!

Really testing my patience

Today has really been a test to my new attitude. I got a 4:40 AM wakeup call from the police dept saying that my building at the shop had been broken into again. On the positive side though, at least my shop wasn't broken into, nobody was hurt, and the police are actually patrolling the area and noticed it. It took me forever to get back to sleep though as I had the WORST headache I've ever had. It hurt so bad I wanted to cry, but I finally managed to get a little sleep before the kids woke me up at 6.

So then it was off to work, where I got some stuff accomplished, but then decided to call AT&T because I really need a new cell phone and wanted to bundle all of my services. Easy enough right? Wrong. It took me over 2 hours, several calls, since they kept disconnecting me and transferring me to the wrong depts and while I have a new cell phone on the way, they are supposed to be calling me back tomorrow because the lady trying to bundle my services couldn't figure it out and so she's going to get it done tonight and call me in the morning. Yeah, sure thing. It would make things so much easier if one person could do all of it, but they have to have different departments do different things. sigh. Oh well, the good thing is I have a new cell phone, a new plan so I can finally cancel my home line ( yahoo goodbye Comcast!!!), and I picked out a sweet little red slider phone. I can't wait to get it!!!

I went to Walmart to get the ingredients for the punch that I am making for the baby shower and I was once again reminded why I NEVER go to Walmart, they didn't have everything I needed, so I am going to substitute. Seeing as how I'm not handy in the kitchen, I'm sure it will work out, wink, wink. lol On the positive side though, I found a new wallet that I think might be big enough for all of my crap. That would be awesome!

Oh and my baby shower gift, that I paid a rush charge for isn't here yet either. Yahoo!!! It better be in by tomorrow or I will be majorly ticked, there's no positive on this one.

Poor Elena's been having a hard time with her teething tonight, Jackson's been talking non-stop to me and wanting me to do everything with him, hubby hasn't been able to hear hardly anything I've said to him today, I could go on, but why bother? So needless to say, I am stressed, my patience is well worn, but I am hoping for the best tomorrow. The old me would be totally livid right now, but I'm just trying to take it all in stride and praying for the best. Wish me luck.

Ups and Downs

Totally was a totally different day than yesterday. It was stressful, then nice, then not, then nice. lol A total rollercoaster, but at least there was some good things thrown in.

I started my day looking forward to free coffee from McD. Nope they stopped that promotion. I also bought a Transformer for Jackson so we wouldn't have to eat more of their crappy food. So my " free" coffee run, cost me $3.50. lol Oh well. So work was a little hectic, since I was such a slacker yesterday.

I had a good lunch with some good friends, and the service was definitely easy on the eyes as well. That never hurts, lol. Then off to Kmart, where I bought my little girl a "big girl" bed. Awwww, my baby is growing up. I won't put it together just yet, but it was such a good deal I couldn't resist. It's a dark cherry kind of sleigh bed looking bed, that got great reviews ( I had hubby look it up online before I bought it) and it was supposed to be $180 for $36, and the bedrails were on clearance too, supposed to be $50 for $10. Yee haw!!!! So a bed that was supposed to be $230 for $46 . Sounds alright to me. I still need to get a mattress and sheets and a safety rail. I probably won't put it together until she's a little closer to 2. I can't wait!!!

I got a decent bit of work done, and we had to stay late because of some goofball customer who got there so late, I was almost late picking up the kids. Would not have been good, as they charge you by the minute for being late. But we made it on time, and the kids were cranky. Oh joy! I love how you look forward to picking up your kids and then the whining and fighting starts, but we got home, jumped on the trampoline, got in the pool, and jumped some more on the trampoline and had a GREAT time! I really love my little family. Poor little Jackson's eye has turned very purple and it just hurts me to look at it. My sweet little guy!

I talked to my Mom tonight and what a surprise, she is watching my nephew. Oh well, it's something that I am gradually starting to just let roll off my back. I'm telling you, I'm getting a whole new way of thinking, sometimes it just takes me a minute to remember to just let things roll. I need to stop trying to control the things that I can't control and just roll with the punches. I also need to remember " it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got", which by the way, that concert is next week. Woo hoo, I can't wait, I LOVE Sheryl Crow and could really just use some feel good music. I've also noticed I'm getting much more into my music now too. I find myself driving and dancing while I'm driving. I'm just trying to enjoy the little things more right now and it's awesome!!!

Wow

2 posts in one day! Wow!!! So today was a good day. I didn't want to go to work, but once at work, I really didn't get much accomplished. I caught up on email, mine and the kids blogs, internet stuff, my fave Chinese for lunch. It was a good day! Tomorrow I guess will be a different story, although I probably won't get much done tomorrow since I need to hit up Kmart's clearance and I have a lunch date with some friends. I hope it will be a good day too.

So far so good on my new outlook. I've been in a good mood today, and got to spend some quality family time. I'm sipping on a glass of wine, might take a bubble bath and I plan to spend some nice time with my hubby. A very good day indeed!

Time for new beginnings

Hubby and I had a talk last night and it really opened my eyes. I've really seemed to lose myself the past 5 years. It seems like childbirth had really changed me and I lost sight of who I am, what I want, etc. Not to say that I don't like being a Mom or don't love my kids, because I love them more than anything in the world, would die for them, etc, and they are the BEST thing I have ever done in my life, but it seems like I have a hard time juggling everything. I seem to focus on one thing and really slack on everything else. Well, for almost 5 years, it's all been about me being Mommy that I've lost sight of being a wife, friend, environmentalist, animal champion, etc. It's time to regain some of that. I hate to admit that I usually put my hubby last and I feel terrible for that. He used to be my best friend, and I totally lost sight of that. I need to work on that friendship again.

Other friendships I need to nurture more as well, I have really slacked off on some of my closest friends. On the other hand, people that I once thought were my friends, I am coming to find out that they aren't, funny how that sometimes works. Anyway, it's time to find myself, even hubby admitted this last night. I've changed and I really want to get back to being " me". So if you see me or talk to me and I am acting or talking strangely, maybe this will explain things. I'm just getting too old for some of the BS and I am really looking forward to hopefully finding myself. Hey, I just might end up liking myself. lol

Tagged!

I've been tagged by Chandra. http://fertilelychallenged.blogspot.com/

Here are the rules:

a. Link to the person who tagged you

b. Post the rules on your blog.

c. Write six random things about yourself.

d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blog.

e. Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.

f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up..

Six random things about myself:
1) I went to college on a legal scholarship and then proceeded to drop out after the first sememster. I really should have tried harder, but I just wasn't serious enough to put in the effort.

2) I've always been the black sheep in my family. I love the idea of family, just not my own. lol I do love them, but it's just not the family I always dreamed of having. My hubby and kids are the family I wanted and I hope to be the kind of grandparents I always dreamed of having.

3) I only have 24 teeth. I had to get my wisdom teeth extracted and 4 pulled all at once so I could get braces. I got braces in high school and wished I had gotten them earlier.

4) I took two years of French and can barely speak any of it.

5) I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I wish I had a clear plan in mind, but I don't. I tend to be very disorganized without any clear plan in mind. I like to leap before I look.

6) I wish I had more tact. I tend to speak my mind, and while I admire my passion and honesty, it gets me into more trouble than I would like.

I am tagging:
Ellen: http://mom2chaos.blogspot.com/
Monica: http://mom2bryce.blogspot.com/
Meredith:http://loveinc.blogspot.com/
Kristen: http://gymratmama.blogspot.com/
Heather: http://havenfromreality.blogspot.com/
Lisha: http://lishabphotography.blogspot.com/

The weekend's over

So it was a nice weekend, but I'm ready to get back to normal. John got the pool up this morning so we all went swimming. It was actually very fun and nice, until the neighborhood kids came over and got in too. grrr They are all always over here, and we had to warn the trouble making kid several times. He can be such a bully to Jackson since he's so much older than him. One of the other kids dented in the plastic double swing, he's a big boy and hubby was ticked to hear that one. I swear I wish we could just hurry up and put up a fence to keep them all out, but Jackson and Elena love the company. Where the heck did they get that from, as DH and I are so not about having people over and entertaining. It's not quite our thing.

I got the house cleaned up some more and finally went through some clothes that a friend gave me for Elena. Thank you Tanya! I think she will be able to wear most of it, and there are some really cute things in there, I will donate what she can't use. Jackson is completely exhausted after a day filled with trampoline bouncing, swimming and playing on the swingset. Poor little Leny is completely bitten up by bugs, the poor girl has little welts all over her, and ever her little eyelid has one on it. I put bug spray on her, but they love her skin. They bug me a lot too, Jackson and hubby not so much. I guess they don't taste as good as us girls. lol I wish hubby would just fill in that darn pond. We get such bad mosquitos from it. grrr

Tomrorrow I will keep Jackson home for a bit, then off to the Fire Dept for a playdate then back to school. Little Elena will be going to school as I don't think she will care much about the Fire Dept. Work should be busy as it always is when we take a holiday.

Loving the Holiday Weekend

It's so nice to have a long weekend. Friday we spent the day going to see Wall E with my sister and nephew. The kids really liked it, and I thought it was pretty cute too. Very good animation and boy do they have a message in the movie. lol Afterwards we were going to go to Adventure Science Center, but since they were only going to be open for about another hour, it just wasn't worth it. We'll go back maybe this weekend or next. So we went to Opry Mills, which I've been wanting to do for a while. I like going there, but rarely go. DH and Leny got new shoes, and the kids both got some cute toys on sale. Mommy got nothing, oh well, I just bought some stuff from QVC so I guess I didn't need to get anything at the mall. lol I had no idea they were closing early for the holiday, so we didn't get to go to many stores, which was a bummer, but the kids did have a great time playing at the Bass Pro Shop. We played on lots of boats and I found two party barges I would have LOVED! What a nice life!!! They also went into the stingray exhibit, I stayed outside, it stunk and I didn't feel like petting them and getting icky. We were going to eat at Rainforest, since Jackson really wanted to, but the wait was over an hour, and it was already almost Elena's bedtime. Since the mall was closed, it left fast food as an option. MCD's for the kids, and Burger King for us. Well, we should have just all eaten at M's because the food was GROSS! Yuck!! DON'T try the steakhouse burger, it is NASTY!!!

We came home and just watched fireworks on the lawn, some of the neighbors had some awesome displays. Overall it was a very nice day.

Today ended up being a bit of a lazy day. John finally finished getting the netting put on the trampoline, and the kids are really loving it! Safety is always stressed. We even bounced on it some tonight. The pool still isn't up, hopefully tomorrow. I managed to get just a little cleaning done. I swear, how do you get anything done when your children are completely dependent on you??? Elena's pretty good about entertaining herself sometimes, but not Jackson, geez the boy wants you to keep him company just going potty. It's driving me nuts!!

I suppose once we get the pool up, we'll have more playdates here for Jackson's friends as we'll have the swingsets, pool, trampoline, slip n' slide, picnic table and sand box. The kids definitely don't want for anything. lol

Better

So the past week, things have fortunately been better than the last one. I don't even want to talk about all the annoying crap that took place last week. So, what's new? Well, Jackson is doing awesome at school! I'm really proud of him. He's learning lots of stuff, making new friends, eating foods he NEVER would have tried before AND he stood up for a friend of his who was getting picked on by another kid. This kid took a toy from one of Jackson's friends, and he went over there, took it back and told the kid to play nice. That's my little man!!! He's got such a big heart for such a tiny body.

Elena on the other hand, I'm not so much liking her class. The teachers aren't very good, but hoorah, we hear that they are bumping Elena up into the next class in a week. Yay!!! It's a MUCH better class, so I am hoping it works out well for Leny.

I've felt really bad the past few days. My stomach has been hurting and I was sick this morning. I'm hoping it's just a bug and nothing more serious. This weekend should be a fun one. We don't work until Monday, yahoo!! We've got plans to go see Wall E with friends, Adventure Science Center, and hopefully John will put up the new pool we bought. It's just a cheapy, but it's still better than nothing. lol He did get the trampoline up and the kids LOVE it! We're totally stressing safety and Jackson is doing really well to behave on it. Now if the neighbor kids would just listen. John had to get mad at one of them tonight for roughing up the kids on it. Good thing I wasn't home, or kid would have known I was NOT happy.

I hope everyone has a safe and fun 4th of July!

Square peg in a round hole

Why do I keep trying to shove a square peg in a round hole? Obviously it doesn't fit, so why do I keep trying???

What now???

I am so tired of getting sick. I am sick at least once a month every month and it has been that way for the past couple of years. It's taking a toll on me. Yesterday I felt miserable, but thought maybe it was too much drinking the night before, but now, I realize it's something else. I was so sick yesterday, had some vomitting and fever and chills, my throat and ears were bugging me. I just felt awful. Somy throat is still a mess but at least the fever broke and I just feel nauseaus, but now my head feels like a truck drove through it. It hurts in my chest and back when I walk, along with the constant throbbing in my head. On top of that I finally started my period so I've got some nice cramps to go along with everything else. woo hoo!!! I'm just so sick of everything and it seems no matter what I do to make things better, it just doesn't. Why am I still trying????

???

It just isn't working and it sucks! I'll spare the details, who really wants to read a bunch of crap, but something's gotta give.

Our little scare

The past couple of weeks, every so often, Jackson would complain that his side hurt or his back or head. He's also been having a hard time going to bed, saying he's scared, etc. So we weren't quite sure if the "pains" he was having were real or just to give him the excuse to stay up with us, as the pain typically was at bedtime. Thursday night Jackson couldn't sleep and came to us crying. He said his tummy hurt. He couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep and pointed to where his side hurted. He even came to me with tears in his eyes asking me to please help his tummy stop hurting. It absolutely broke my heart. We called the on-call dr, and I was just to the point of taking him to the ER when she called back and told us it didn't sound like he needed to go, but bring him in to office in the morning. So we did. I was shocked at the problem-constipation! The boy goes like 6 times a day! Anyway, maybe he just got a little backed from being sick earlier in the week. Simple solution is Miralax, great now both kids are on it. The only other thing it could possibly be is his intestines might be kinking up and then get untwisted. It's very rare so she doesn't think that's it, but if it was, then we would need to go to Vanderbilt Children's hospital WHILE he's in pain, so they can do the tests, they can't do it if he's not having the pains. So, I'm hoping the Miralax does the trick and no more pains for him. It's really awful watching your kids crying in pain asking for help and you feeling like you can't do anything about it.

Frustrated

Yesterday was such a horrible day. Nothing bad really happened, it just was a very frustrating day for me. It started good, then progressively got worse. Hubby was in a bad mood, I got in a bad mood, customers driving me crazy, PMS'ing like a raving lunatic, P.S. Jacy, I might be able to give you a good run for the money on the PMS bitchiness.

We were supposed to do family pictures, yet again, I am STILL waiting for a family picture of the 4 of us. You would think with a photographer hubby I would have a plethora of photos, which yes I do, but not of the 4 of us. grrr Something always comes up. Last night hubby had to work late. Work's been a little crazy, even though this week was supposed to be calm. Jackson was sick and I had to stay home with him a part-time and work with him part-time, so we're a bit behind.

I hope this little slump gets over quickly because right now, I am just so frustrated at how everything is going. I don't feel like getting into details, everything is just driving me crazy.

TGIF

Thank goodness it's Friday! Today was a busy day, and a difficult one at that. We got the big order out that we needed to, and it actually looks like we shouldn't have to work this weekend. Yay! I'm in a crappy mood. I don't know, maybe it's just the way the day went, etc. I hope I can just sleep it off tonight.

We were supposed to have a date night tonight. I was very excited, even though we probably would have just done dinner and a movie, and the sitter could only come for 3 hours, it still would have been nice. Fortunately, she should be able to watch the kids tomorrow, so we may still have a date night. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Tomorrow we're supposed to be meeting friends for a playdate and then Kung Fu Panda. Should be fun, but I hope Elena behaves. The last time she went to a movie, she was an infant.

The new school is going pretty well for the kids. Still have a few snags, but hopefully we will work through them.

Today was Jenna's birthday. I didn't know her near as well as I wish I had, but she is missed. She came to me in a dream a few nights ago. It was very short and she gave a baby ( what I thought was Will) to Chandra to raise. Well, a few days later, guess who I find out is pregnant? Chandra! Maybe she's coming to me in dreams, maybe it's just an overactive imagination? I don't know. I just think it's really cool. She came to me one other time to let me know, that she is happy in Heaven and looking down on all of her loved ones. Jenna, I hope you are partying in Heaven, on your party bus, drinking a big margarita, and eating fried pickles. There'll never be another like you!!

A good week

Well, another week has quickly gone by. Work has been busy and it's been pretty nice though that we have carpooled almost all week. Especially nice with gas prices being so high, plus that means that John has been home more. I like that.

This week though we are going to be super busy and will have to work probably lots of overtime. yuck. Oh well, it's better than not having anything to do and no business.

Saturday morning I took the kids shopping while John did some much needed yard work. Then it was off to meet Tanya and Abby at the Pottery place to make Father's day gifts. We've already done the handprints and such, and hubby doesn't drink coffee so I felt like a mug was useless, but a margarita glass, would be beneficial. Ole! So we made a World's Best Daddy margarita glass. Jackson picked out the colors and helped to paint it, then Elena added her own little personal dash to it. It will be a very unique looking glass, but it will be a work of love. Jackson kept trying to pick out robots, motorcycles and lizards for John's gift. Umm don't think so. I did reward Jackson for his good behavior by letting him paint a lizard. The kids both were very good I was pleasantly surprised as Elena was a beast the last time we took them.

Then it was off to lunch, which was nice but noisy with the kids. Then a CVS run, they're never good in there, well at least not Elena. Then I took the kids home, hit up Kohl's for some more Father's Day stuff, and few pieces of clothing for me. Yippee! I really needed some stuff. Then I was able to actually get in a good workout, nice since I've been so busy I haven't been able to get to the gym, then hit a couple more stores and home. A long busy day indeed.

Sunday we went to the Splash Pad. Missed Tanya and Abby, and Lisha and Riley had to bail too, so missed them. Fortunately Margie, Todd and Joshua showed up and Jackson was super happy to see his bud. Elena had a good time too, plus no head on the pavement this time, although poor little Leny fell and scraped her knee pretty good. Poor little girl, but Jackson being the good brother he is, kissed it to make it better, he's so sweet to her! Oh, and at lunch Saturday he said he wants to marry his sister. How sweet and twisted is that???? lol We don't live in Kentucky you know? Just kidding for any of you who live in or come from Kentucky.

After the splash pad, we got some lunch, went to the lake, and then home to play. A long nice family weekend.

Exhausted

I am just so drained right now. I'm hoping to make it to bed a little early tonight. It's been a big week. Work has been kicking my butt this week and John took off Wednesday and Thursday so he could meet his Dad at Reelfoot Lake with Jackson. It was a little male bonding time hiking in the woods and I'm glad that he got to take a little break since he's been working so hard the past few months. Thursday the men came back and John's dad stayed with us and Friday he got a hotel room so the kids could go swimming. I opted to go to the movies with the girls and saw Sex and the City. It was a much deserved break and the movie was pretty good.

Saturday, we met John's dad for breakfast and then he was headed back to Texas. It was a nice little trip and the kids had a blast with him. He bought them a little wavy noodle sprinkler that they really liked and Jackson always loves company, so he was a very happy camper. Call me crazy, but I do wish my in-laws lived closer. The kids adore them, and they have enough respect to keep their distance and not butt in too much. A good thing.

Elena's first week at her new school went pretty well, I kept Jackson out this week since he would only have gone a day or so, so his first week starts tomorrow and I hope he does well. I don't worry much about Elena, she doesn't scare easily, and she is usually pretty okay wherever she goes. She's a tough little girl and fairly easy going so she's nothing to worry about. Jackson on the other hand is more like me. He's so sensitive and he is shy until he gets comfortable with his surroundings. I hope he makes friends early and doesn't let things bother him too much. He is just so quick to throw a fit and cry , etc. I hope this phase ends quickly.

So our company left Saturday and we had to go to work for a little while, then it was off to the Splash Pad. The kids had a great time other than when they got knocked to the ground. Elena got bulldozed twice and both hit their heads on the concrete. I really wish they could have made that out of something softer for the kids, or at the least that the bigger kids would try to look where they are going and be careful around the smaller ones. Elena got knocked down twice by the same kid. I had a little talk with him the second time he did it.

Sunday we went to the zoo. It was a good time, but gosh it was hot! Of course I know it will only get hotter, but it was very warm to be lugging around two kids in the wagon. I am so tired from this week and my body is just drained. With all the work I've had to do, the fun activities, the kids, the company, and I've been battling some sort of infection or allergies, that is totally kicking my butt, makes for an exhausting week.

Still busy

Things have still been so busy, but I'm feeling better overall. I swear I don't know how single moms or moms whose husbands travel all the time handle working all day and then taking care of the kids and the house at night. whew!

The kids are doing pretty well, although we're still having issues with Elena's constipation. Poor little girl just freezes up and gets as stiff as a board and will scream for an eternity. The Karo syrup didn't work, it just makes her puke. So now we are on Miralax, but I am also going to try mineral oil and see if that helps. I hate to see her in that much pain, it's awful!

Jackson is good, but he doesn't seem to be adjusting real well to his school and we're having issues, so a new school might be in order, again. I really hope we find the right fit for us. Daycares stink!

Elena's got one more day at her MDO and I know she will miss the kids and her teachers. The other little girl that's in her class really likes Elena, and one of the teachers especially is so sweet with Elena. I'll miss taking her there, but unfortunately, they just don't provide enough hours for me. I wish I didn't have to work. boo

Last weekend was a good weekend, even if I did have to work Saturday. I went to Applebee's with Ellen Friday and it was a much needed night out for both of us. I had a lot of fun. Sunday I went to Nashville with a friend and I had a great time. I really feel a lot better mentally right now, so that's making things good as well.

Monday the shop will be closed for the holiday, but I will probably be working, if the kids will allow me, or if I can find a sitter. I really need to bust my butt so John can take off Wednesday to meet his Dad at Reelfoot Lake. He wants to take Jackson. He really needs a break, so it's worth it to me to work a little harder so he can achieve it. Thursday the guys will be back, and his Dad will stay here a couple of days. The kids love him to death, so I am glad he's coming. He stays just long enough and then leaves right before he's overstayed his welcome. Very good for everyone.

Not much else going on. I've got some sinus issues and a sore swollen throat, but I get this all the time. I guess it's allergies or something.

My week

Work is still crazy. I keep telling myself we're almost over it, then another wave hits. I'm just trying to hold out for maybe two more weeks??? I don't know how John does it. He's been so good dealing with all of the stress. I on the other, don't mesh well with stress, but I'm trying. It really wouldn't be so bad if Elena and I weren't at odds a lot of the time. I love having two kids, but wow, one is sooo much easier. Especially if you have a little one who only communicates by screaming most of the time. It's tough, but I keep telling myself, this too shall pass and get better. I really do love her, but I find myself sometimes dreading picking her up from school, because I know most of the car ride entails her screaming, which Jackson finds funny, so he laughs or mimics her. Enough to drive a person crazy, and when that person is crazy, like me, well you can only imagine. lol

Mother's Day weekend started horribly, but ended well. I had the bright idea to go to Dickson and have John do pics for my Mom. We got off work late, then hit a HORRIBLE traffic jam. Mom was going to watch the kids so John and I could have some much needed time together, and since we were so late getting there, we only had time to go get a cup of coffee. Every time I go home, I am slapped in the face with reality of why I left. I love my family, but I definitely couldn't live there. My stepdad was having a hard time dealing with the kids, huffing and puffing about all of the noise. I just felt so unwanted there, it was unnerving. Then my spoiled sister who gets everything she wants started a fight with me, my Mom spent most of the time wanting to spend time with my sisters kids who she sees everday, etc, it was just horribly annoying and hurtful. The last straw was my son had a crying fit after my Mom was oohing and aahing over how wonderful at Karate my nephew is, who's only 2 months older than Jackson, but almost a foot taller, and he ran away crying. I found out the problem was he thought his cousin was better than him because he's bigger. Broke my heart. We had a long heartfelt about it, and I gave him some good examples of why bigger isn't always necessarily better. After I soothed him, I went and had a little breakdown. I've lived almost my whole life getting compared to my sister and never measuring up. It's really ruined my psyche and I don't want my kids to ever feel the pain that I felt growing up.

Sunday I stayed at home and I got some great presents from the kids, some wonderful cards, and a beautiful flower garden planted for me. I caught up on the phone with my best friend who I haven't talked to in a long time, and it was nice to just not have to go anywhere or do anything. All in all a nice day, I just wish I could have slept in, but I have a hard time doing that since it's so rare.

I've finally gotten most of my ideas for my tattoo, I just need hubby to find time to work it up for me, and figure out where I'm getting it. I hope it will all look nice. I really feel guilty sometimes for feeling so crappy, or griping so much, when I know others have it harder than me or worse than me, I really do need to work more on just appreciating the simple things in life.

It's a crazy time indeed

The past couple of weeks have flown by! Work has been so busy it's crazy. John's putting in 12-14 hours a day, which leaves me and the kids to fend for ourselves most of the time. I'll be glad when we get through this stretch. I'll tell you working with your spouse is never easy, but when you add all the stress of overtime, watch out! lol We've had some ups and downs, but right now it seems to be going okay and I'm trying to remain positive. I'll tell you, positive people are a very strange breed to me. I really eny them. It's still something I work on. It's definitely not second nature to me. It's like seeing something that's blue, but people tell you it's red. Bizarre.

John and I worked late last week, and then we actually got to go out for a date. We went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall and it was hysterical! I'd watch it again. We ended up getting into a huge fight later, but we ended up talkiing a lot of stuff out, and so far, things seem to be better. I'm trying to watch my temper and trying not to let the stress of our lives get to me too much right now.


So what's been going on in our lives? Jackson started his new school and I have to say so far it's going pretty well. Granted I have issues with the new school, no school is perfect, but he seems to be learning more, and that makes me happy. He's made a couple of friends, and I'm sure he'll make more. The kid is so sweet, how could anybody not like him???

Elena still is a little fussy when we take her to either of her schools, I think it's just a phase, since she normally loves her MDO. It might be her new tooth she's cutting. Yes, my little girl ALMOST has 4 teeth! lol Yes, the girl is a super slow teether, I can't believe it. Jackson was a slow teether, but come on, she's 16 months old!!! She's good though, sweet, smart, creative, but boy can she scream. EVERY time I pick her up from school, she's so tired and hungry, she screams most of the way home. I give her snacks in the car, but that doesn't always calm my adorable little beast. I love her to pieces though, I will just be glad whe she starts to talk a little more, so I can know what she wants. At this age, Jackson was speaking in complete sentences, whereas Elena says maybe 10-12 words. They are like night and day, but I am so glad that my children are different and have their own strengths and weaknesses.

I'm working on a design for my Mommy tattoo and boy am I having a hard time. I don't know if I am going to get two separate designs or incorporate it all into one big tattoo. I do know John and I are going to have to do the artwork, since I called the tattoo place and they said they need at least a month or more for custom art. I have faith though, John and I have designed every tattoo I have, so this one should be no different. I'm thinking Celtic since I have Welsh ancestry, maybe even throw in a little Native American, which I have as well. Although I love Asian culture, so maybe some of that too. Can you see how hard it is for me to decide??? lol If anybody has some good ideas, let me know.

Tomorrow, we're meeting friends at the Discovery Center for a bit, and then it's off to work. Yes, work on a Sunday. Sucks doesn't it?? Well, off to spend a little time with hubby.