Wow, it's been a while since I posted and yet it seems like it's been much longer than it has been. Well, I'm at least mostly out of my funk. I was feeling a little blue yesterday, but overall things are better. John did finally find his keys, they had fallen into the diaper bag. Let's see, what all has has happened?
Right now Jackson is screaming on the naughty stool, oh the joys of a spoiled rotten almost 4 year old. He's been having a lot more fits lately, I have to admit I was much more lax while sick, and now we're all paying the price.
I am finally starting to feel much better but am still on my antibiotics. I need to get better so I can go get my flu shot. I need to get the kids flu shots this week. Work has been pretty busy and I just can't believe how quickly this year is flying by.
Elena has begun taking a few steps on her own here and there, I can't wait until she can start walking, she gets so frustrated that she can't on her own. She also received her first kiss at MDO a little over a week ago. She kissed him back. My gosh, they start younger and younger don't they? She got another kiss from him this week, but fortunately she didn't kiss him back. She also learned how to drink from a straw. I'm amazed at how quickly she learned that.
Jackson is doing good, although his eating is horrific and his fits are killing us. I'm going to have to work much harder with him. He's so smart and strong willed it makes it very difficult. John is feeling better as well too. I swear, I don't know how he sleeps through stuff. I got very little to no sleep last night. Ever since I had kids, I sleep even lighter than before. Plus I had a kitten that kept attacking my feet and hair all night. Two cats fighting in the night, Jackson fell out of bed and Elena woke up at 4. Somehow he manages to sleep through most of this. HTH?????
Last night we went to the Predators game and I ended up not enjoying the game at all. It was nice to see Vokoun back, but I was actually hoping the Panther would win, as I will always be a die hard Vokoun fan, and surprisingly the Preds won. They have been horrible lately and yet, the one game I want them to lose, they win. grrr. Vokoun gave up the game winning goal with less than a minute to go. I hated to see him lose like that. I left the arena an unhappy camper, epspecially since the kids were driving us nuts last night too, and John lost a top to Elena's bottle. I don't know how I have so many bottles and so few caps for them. Where the heck do they go????
I might take the kids to the flea market today, John has to work, and then maybe ROCCtoberfest. My cousin is supposed to come up next week to build our new deck. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Guilt and Insignifance
Friday night we went out for an early anniversary celebration. We saw Lisa Lampinelli and she was hysterical. We had a good time, even found a good parking spot. Went out to eat afterwards and overall had a nice evening although we were hacking coughing the whole time. Not the most romantic of anniversaries but oh well, at least we got to go out. Saturday we met my Mom and got the kids, boy was I happy to see them! We met at the zoo for Jackson's last zoo class. The zoo was packed!!! We stayed and looked at some of the animals, rode the carousel, etc. Was fun and had a long day. Then it was home to get changed really quick and back to Nashville for the Predators game. Whew! I swear we are always doing too much and even though it wears me out and I think how nice a break would be, I still plan too many things for us to do. The game wasn't too good, we lost. John thinks we jinxed the goalie by naming the cat Mason, and he might be right. I just think it goes to show that we should never have gotten rid of Vokoun, oh well.
Well I've been on a roll with griping lately, and today is no different, so if you are sick of hearing me whine, please stop reading this now. Last night was a particularly hard night for me. I didn't get any sleep Saturday night, I was up coughing and had a horrible headache from all of the coughing. Then we had to get up and get ready to go to Dickson for my nephew's birthday party. John and I exchanged anniversary cards. I was a little disappointed he didn't get me anything and of course I let that fester over the course of the day to where it became a big deal that evening. More on that later. So we're running late as usual, Jackson is being a pill, and John has somehow lost his keys. Yay!!! So we go to Dickson, the kids have a big time at the playground, my little cutie of course didn't eat, not even cake. Well Elena did, she always eats, but Jackson didn't. His eating is getting really scary and horrible again. We're on the way home , stopped to potty and asked Jackson if he wanted to pee, nope. So on the road again, two minutes later, guess who wants to stop to pee? Yep, my little guy. grrr. So we stop to pee, he says he doesn't have to go anymore. aaargghhh. I made him go anyway since we made a special stop for him. We're getting closer to home and had to stop once again to get gas. Well, while John was cleaning the windshield, Jackson announced he had to poop. I told John, who takes his time I might add to get him, well too late, he had pooped his pants. Yucky runny green poop. Yay, can we say Happy anniversary? So he's crying, Elena's crying and I feel like curling up into a ball and crying as well. geesh. We finally get home, the kids were driving me crazy and John as well, so I had to escape outside just to get a moment's peace where I proceed to have a total meltdown.
You see, first of all I have a history of depression, I am bipolar, my father was as well, in which I should probably be taking medication, but don't. Long story there as to why I am so hesitant to take anything. But the things that were bothering me are the guilt and insignificance that I am feeling. First, the guilt. I feel guilty for Maggie, my first lost female cat that disappeared early this year. The last time I saw her, I was feeding Elena, and kind of nudged her with my foot, to get out of the way. I've still never found her and it really bothers me. I loved her and I never got my closure, which is something I require. Next, Penelope, my other female cat that is still missing. I feel guilty because although I did try to bring her back in, I feel like I should have made sure to get her, since I knew we were going to going to be gone all day. She was old, partially deaf, and I feel so guilty like it's all my fault she's gone, and well, really it is. Once again, no closure as I have no idea if she is alive or dead. Then my son, who I feel like I have failed with the eating issues and his being so spoiled. All my fault.
Next comes the insignificance. My Mom who thinks John can do no wrong, which drives me crazy. She even wanted me to give him my antibiotics so he could get better. Hello, what about me? The person who has been sick on and off for 4-5 months now. The anniversary which was barely celebrated on Sunday by a lonely card. Yes, we did go out Friday, but I still felt like he could have made some effort. The tickets I had bought. He did give me flowers Saturday, which were nice since he never buys me flowers anymore, but on Sunday our actual anniversary, he made no effort. It didn't have to be an extravagant gift, even just a little something, even just breakfast in bed, anything to show he can make an effort. When I complained later about no gift, he said I had too much crap anyway. That made me feel bad. Like I am of no importance or something. I told him it didn't have to be much, just anything, any sort of effort. This hurts as most gifts I put a lot of thought into. I sometimes just walk around feeling invisible, like I don't make a difference or the difference that I make, is more of an error, like my son's eating issues. Maybe I just need to re-discover myself. I used to feel like I contributed to the world, like I made a difference, but now, I feel lost.
If you've made it this far you are either a good friend, or you just like hearing other's misery, either way, thanks for letting me vent. It's good therapy. Oh, and John still can't find his keys. I just pray he dropped them inside the house somewhere and not outside where someone can find them. Now, on to my positve ending:
I got two really cute wine bottle stoppers from my family.
Well I've been on a roll with griping lately, and today is no different, so if you are sick of hearing me whine, please stop reading this now. Last night was a particularly hard night for me. I didn't get any sleep Saturday night, I was up coughing and had a horrible headache from all of the coughing. Then we had to get up and get ready to go to Dickson for my nephew's birthday party. John and I exchanged anniversary cards. I was a little disappointed he didn't get me anything and of course I let that fester over the course of the day to where it became a big deal that evening. More on that later. So we're running late as usual, Jackson is being a pill, and John has somehow lost his keys. Yay!!! So we go to Dickson, the kids have a big time at the playground, my little cutie of course didn't eat, not even cake. Well Elena did, she always eats, but Jackson didn't. His eating is getting really scary and horrible again. We're on the way home , stopped to potty and asked Jackson if he wanted to pee, nope. So on the road again, two minutes later, guess who wants to stop to pee? Yep, my little guy. grrr. So we stop to pee, he says he doesn't have to go anymore. aaargghhh. I made him go anyway since we made a special stop for him. We're getting closer to home and had to stop once again to get gas. Well, while John was cleaning the windshield, Jackson announced he had to poop. I told John, who takes his time I might add to get him, well too late, he had pooped his pants. Yucky runny green poop. Yay, can we say Happy anniversary? So he's crying, Elena's crying and I feel like curling up into a ball and crying as well. geesh. We finally get home, the kids were driving me crazy and John as well, so I had to escape outside just to get a moment's peace where I proceed to have a total meltdown.
You see, first of all I have a history of depression, I am bipolar, my father was as well, in which I should probably be taking medication, but don't. Long story there as to why I am so hesitant to take anything. But the things that were bothering me are the guilt and insignificance that I am feeling. First, the guilt. I feel guilty for Maggie, my first lost female cat that disappeared early this year. The last time I saw her, I was feeding Elena, and kind of nudged her with my foot, to get out of the way. I've still never found her and it really bothers me. I loved her and I never got my closure, which is something I require. Next, Penelope, my other female cat that is still missing. I feel guilty because although I did try to bring her back in, I feel like I should have made sure to get her, since I knew we were going to going to be gone all day. She was old, partially deaf, and I feel so guilty like it's all my fault she's gone, and well, really it is. Once again, no closure as I have no idea if she is alive or dead. Then my son, who I feel like I have failed with the eating issues and his being so spoiled. All my fault.
Next comes the insignificance. My Mom who thinks John can do no wrong, which drives me crazy. She even wanted me to give him my antibiotics so he could get better. Hello, what about me? The person who has been sick on and off for 4-5 months now. The anniversary which was barely celebrated on Sunday by a lonely card. Yes, we did go out Friday, but I still felt like he could have made some effort. The tickets I had bought. He did give me flowers Saturday, which were nice since he never buys me flowers anymore, but on Sunday our actual anniversary, he made no effort. It didn't have to be an extravagant gift, even just a little something, even just breakfast in bed, anything to show he can make an effort. When I complained later about no gift, he said I had too much crap anyway. That made me feel bad. Like I am of no importance or something. I told him it didn't have to be much, just anything, any sort of effort. This hurts as most gifts I put a lot of thought into. I sometimes just walk around feeling invisible, like I don't make a difference or the difference that I make, is more of an error, like my son's eating issues. Maybe I just need to re-discover myself. I used to feel like I contributed to the world, like I made a difference, but now, I feel lost.
If you've made it this far you are either a good friend, or you just like hearing other's misery, either way, thanks for letting me vent. It's good therapy. Oh, and John still can't find his keys. I just pray he dropped them inside the house somewhere and not outside where someone can find them. Now, on to my positve ending:
I got two really cute wine bottle stoppers from my family.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
What is up?
What the hell did I did to upset the balance of my karma so much that I am having such bad luck lately? Granted, I know most people think I am a bitch, but really I am very sweet and sensitive under this sometimes gruff exterior. Even though I don't really care what people think about me, I do. And even though I don't care much for people, I care if they don't care back. It's a vicious cycle.
So I do believe in karma, I believe you reap what you sow, but what the heck did I do to deserve this bad rash of luck? I don't know, but something's got to give soon. I'm trying like heck to be positive, but come on universe, cut me some slack so that I may actually be positive instead of this griping mean old you know what.
I'm not gonna gripe on all the bad tonight, it would take too much time and energy. I am worried however about hubby. His blood pressure is through the roof and he has to go back to the dr next week to get it re-taken. I pray that he will be okay. We have our spats, more now than I would like, but we've been together for 18 years, and he's my life, along with the kids. If you all could say a little prayer for him, I would greatly appreciate it.
Elena has finally sprouted a tiny little nub of a tooth. Woo hoo! I thought she would be my gummy little girl forever. Jackson is finally feeling better, thank goodness. He scared me so badly last night. His fever was 104, and I just really don't like to see my babies that sick, it's so heartbreaking. Kitty's purring in my lap right now, oh and biting me, bad kitty, he's such a little cutie.
We're going out on our date tomorrow night for our anniversary. I pray my Mom has no problems with the kids and that we have a nice time. It's my first time away from Leny overnight, it will be so odd. My Mom wants to keep her until Sunday, I just don't think I can do that just yet. I have a hard enough time with her taking Jackson for one night.
Well, I still have a million and one things to do tonight, so I guess I need to end this on a positive note, even though I don't feel like it. Here goes:
Even though times are tough, at least I'm still here to go through it.
So I do believe in karma, I believe you reap what you sow, but what the heck did I do to deserve this bad rash of luck? I don't know, but something's got to give soon. I'm trying like heck to be positive, but come on universe, cut me some slack so that I may actually be positive instead of this griping mean old you know what.
I'm not gonna gripe on all the bad tonight, it would take too much time and energy. I am worried however about hubby. His blood pressure is through the roof and he has to go back to the dr next week to get it re-taken. I pray that he will be okay. We have our spats, more now than I would like, but we've been together for 18 years, and he's my life, along with the kids. If you all could say a little prayer for him, I would greatly appreciate it.
Elena has finally sprouted a tiny little nub of a tooth. Woo hoo! I thought she would be my gummy little girl forever. Jackson is finally feeling better, thank goodness. He scared me so badly last night. His fever was 104, and I just really don't like to see my babies that sick, it's so heartbreaking. Kitty's purring in my lap right now, oh and biting me, bad kitty, he's such a little cutie.
We're going out on our date tomorrow night for our anniversary. I pray my Mom has no problems with the kids and that we have a nice time. It's my first time away from Leny overnight, it will be so odd. My Mom wants to keep her until Sunday, I just don't think I can do that just yet. I have a hard enough time with her taking Jackson for one night.
Well, I still have a million and one things to do tonight, so I guess I need to end this on a positive note, even though I don't feel like it. Here goes:
Even though times are tough, at least I'm still here to go through it.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sigh...
What a horrible and crazy week last week was. My kitty is still missing. I haven't seen her in over a week. Elena was hell last week, but fortunately she's been much better this week. Jackson has been good, but he just got in my lap a minute ago and he's got a fever. Poor kid. This is also not good, because Elena will be in MDO tomorrow and I was really needing to get a lot of work done while she was gone. Not sure if I will take him to work at least half a day or not. I just pray he doesn't he get what John has. John's been sick the past few days with a fever, chills, body aches, etc, but he is a little better now than he was. I was just hoping that John would get better quickly and not spread what he has. We've got a date Friday night to go see one of my favorite comedians, and we were going to celebrate our anniversary, so cross your fingers the kids will be fine by then.
John and I had a date night last Friday and went to go see Korn and Hellyeah. It was fun and reminded us of when we first started dating. Saturday was zoo class which was nice that we saw a sloth, but after the class, poor Margie had a flat tire. I found a super nice couple to change it for her and then we were going to take the boys to McD. Good idea right? WRONG. I had an accident while trying to park, backed up and never saw the guy. He was furious. He had just bought his car, but it really wasn't bad at all. Mine is twice as bad as his and mine still only has $560 worth of damage. Anyway, the great thing was not only was he really mean to me, but I had decided not to bring my purse with me, and although I had grabbed my insurance card, Kroger card, and debit card, I conveniently forgot my Drivers License. Yay!!! So thank goodness the cops when I called them told me to just download the report and mail it in. I thought that was odd, but at least a little luck was on my side. Margie was a great friend to go buy my booze, since I had no ID with me. This by the way, was the same McD, that we went to last week after zoo class and a guy backed into me, fortunately he didn't do any damage. Yes, I am NEVER going back to that McD.
So, I'm on the way home and need to stop by Kroger for some meds for John and Elena, and of course Jackson fell asleep. I was going to just go pick up lunch for John and I, drop Jackson off at the house and go back into town, which is 15 min each way just to go get some meds. Well there was a Walgreens right next to where I was getting lunch. I tried to wake Jackson up and he was still sleeping, so the bad mommy in me thought, okay, I'll lock the car, run into the store and get the meds and will be in and out in 2-3 minutes. So I go to open the door, my handle breaks off. So I run in and get the meds, which of course one of the meds he wanted, I had to get at the pharmacy and I thought that would be fine, but then of course she asked for my ID which I didn't have so had to get something else. So I go out to the car, and I swear I had been in there like 2 minutes, I literally ran in and out, well wouldn't you know it, my child had woken up, and he was crying. I felt like the worst Mom in the world!
I was supposed to go to the game Saturday night but Elena was still a little sick, so I stayed home with her and John took Jackson to the game. John was sick all weekend.
I got the accident repair quote today. I figured it wasn't much damage, and wouldn't you know it, it was around $560 and my deductible is $500, so guess I won't bother get it fixed right now. It's only cosmetic damage on an old van, so it doesn't really bother me much.
Okay so I guess I need to end on a positive note. We got a new addition to our family tonight. A little male black and white kitten. He's very laid back and we all love him. I hope he can bring a little life back to our family to replace the loneliness of not having a pet at home. This is the first time in 18 years, ever since John and I started dating that we haven't had a pet at home. He's very sweet, already litter trained and very laid back. I hope he will fit in nicely. The kids adore him and Jackson wants to name him Sebastian, after our male cat that died this year. We'll see. I hope we can come up with a perfect name for him, but he is the kids cat and so it's kind of Jackson's call I suppose.
John and I had a date night last Friday and went to go see Korn and Hellyeah. It was fun and reminded us of when we first started dating. Saturday was zoo class which was nice that we saw a sloth, but after the class, poor Margie had a flat tire. I found a super nice couple to change it for her and then we were going to take the boys to McD. Good idea right? WRONG. I had an accident while trying to park, backed up and never saw the guy. He was furious. He had just bought his car, but it really wasn't bad at all. Mine is twice as bad as his and mine still only has $560 worth of damage. Anyway, the great thing was not only was he really mean to me, but I had decided not to bring my purse with me, and although I had grabbed my insurance card, Kroger card, and debit card, I conveniently forgot my Drivers License. Yay!!! So thank goodness the cops when I called them told me to just download the report and mail it in. I thought that was odd, but at least a little luck was on my side. Margie was a great friend to go buy my booze, since I had no ID with me. This by the way, was the same McD, that we went to last week after zoo class and a guy backed into me, fortunately he didn't do any damage. Yes, I am NEVER going back to that McD.
So, I'm on the way home and need to stop by Kroger for some meds for John and Elena, and of course Jackson fell asleep. I was going to just go pick up lunch for John and I, drop Jackson off at the house and go back into town, which is 15 min each way just to go get some meds. Well there was a Walgreens right next to where I was getting lunch. I tried to wake Jackson up and he was still sleeping, so the bad mommy in me thought, okay, I'll lock the car, run into the store and get the meds and will be in and out in 2-3 minutes. So I go to open the door, my handle breaks off. So I run in and get the meds, which of course one of the meds he wanted, I had to get at the pharmacy and I thought that would be fine, but then of course she asked for my ID which I didn't have so had to get something else. So I go out to the car, and I swear I had been in there like 2 minutes, I literally ran in and out, well wouldn't you know it, my child had woken up, and he was crying. I felt like the worst Mom in the world!
I was supposed to go to the game Saturday night but Elena was still a little sick, so I stayed home with her and John took Jackson to the game. John was sick all weekend.
I got the accident repair quote today. I figured it wasn't much damage, and wouldn't you know it, it was around $560 and my deductible is $500, so guess I won't bother get it fixed right now. It's only cosmetic damage on an old van, so it doesn't really bother me much.
Okay so I guess I need to end on a positive note. We got a new addition to our family tonight. A little male black and white kitten. He's very laid back and we all love him. I hope he can bring a little life back to our family to replace the loneliness of not having a pet at home. This is the first time in 18 years, ever since John and I started dating that we haven't had a pet at home. He's very sweet, already litter trained and very laid back. I hope he will fit in nicely. The kids adore him and Jackson wants to name him Sebastian, after our male cat that died this year. We'll see. I hope we can come up with a perfect name for him, but he is the kids cat and so it's kind of Jackson's call I suppose.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Busy, busy
Well, we've been very busy as usual. Since last posting, Jackson had his zoo class, which was very cute. We got to see a screech owl and a "singing" wild dog. Very cute. We went to Dickson for my BIL's 40th birthday and were supposed to go to the Predators pre-season game, but we stayed at the party too long, so we missed it. Sunday John and I went out on a date. Very nice, since we really needed some "couple time". We went to see Mr. Woodcock, silly but good. Then off to the Chop House. I LOVE their crab cakes, they are the best!!! It was very nice to have a little alone time. When we got home it was back to reality. Poor Jackson was coughing so hard, he vomitted. So off to change the sheets and get him feeling better. Poor kiddo. I was worried maybe he had strep throat, but I think it's just some drainage from allergies or something. He's doing much better now.
Elena's on fall break at her MDO, ugh, she just started her MDO and they're already on fall break??? Crazy I tell you. So, I'm not getting much done at the shop with her, but darn, she's awfully cute. She's really coming into her own now. She's so cute and sweet and snuggly, I can't get enough some days. She's got such a great sense of humor too, which I realize is odd since she's only 9 months, but she does. She does this adorable thing where she scrunches up her face and does this little snorting noise and will do it back if you do it to her like a contest. It's adorable!!!
Work is fine, keeping busy. Need to get on some projects at home soon. We really need to finish Jackson's room, which turned out adorable, finish the living room, and start on the guest bathroom. Lots of projects as always. We're also hoping to get a new deck this year, courtesy of my Mom for my birthday, yay!!! I hope it works out. Then just got to look for an inexpensive hot tub. Woo hoo!!! I'm going to leave this post with that postive thought of getting a hot tub that me and hubby can enjoy. lol
Elena's on fall break at her MDO, ugh, she just started her MDO and they're already on fall break??? Crazy I tell you. So, I'm not getting much done at the shop with her, but darn, she's awfully cute. She's really coming into her own now. She's so cute and sweet and snuggly, I can't get enough some days. She's got such a great sense of humor too, which I realize is odd since she's only 9 months, but she does. She does this adorable thing where she scrunches up her face and does this little snorting noise and will do it back if you do it to her like a contest. It's adorable!!!
Work is fine, keeping busy. Need to get on some projects at home soon. We really need to finish Jackson's room, which turned out adorable, finish the living room, and start on the guest bathroom. Lots of projects as always. We're also hoping to get a new deck this year, courtesy of my Mom for my birthday, yay!!! I hope it works out. Then just got to look for an inexpensive hot tub. Woo hoo!!! I'm going to leave this post with that postive thought of getting a hot tub that me and hubby can enjoy. lol
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