Day Twelve

Write about the worst day of your life.

The worst day of my life was the day my father died.  I was eleven, going through that awkward pre-adolescence struggling trying times of my life.  I was always a Daddy's girl, even though my parents were separated and he was living in Texas while we were in TN.  I idolized my Dad, I didn't know of his faults, he was just my Dad, the man who loved me unconditionally, always hugging me and calling me his "sugar",  who made me laugh, and was always there to play and joke around or just to give you a needed hug.  When he died, I went to his funeral and even though my family tried to pull me away as they lowered his body into the Earth, I had to be there for it, I had to see that this was real, that the man I loved more than anything or anybody in the world was being laid to rest and was gone.  Like really gone. 

It caused me to blame my mother for not agreeing to take him back.  If only....  If only she hadn't left him, if only she had let me live w/ him, he would still be alive.  He would still be there for me, instead of in the cold ground, leaving me alone.  All alone.  Yes I had my Mother and sister, but they were a pair, like two peas in a pod, my other half, my sweet Daddy, had left me.  It left me with much anger, and I had quite the troubled childhood.  I was rebellious, and got into trouble.  I hated my Mom, she didn't deserve it, but I needed someone to blame.  I later found out all the problems that my Dad had, that his death, even though accidental was of his own doing.  It knocked him off the pedestal I had for him, but I love him.  I will always love him, through all of his faults, he was my father.  To me he was an excellent Dad, funny, kind, caring and compassionate. He never let a day go by without letting me know how much he loved me.  I'm very much like my father, we share all the same good and bad qualities.  He's been gone 28 years now and while the hurt is a little less, I still feel it.  On the anniversary of his death, I mourn him, on his birthday, on Father's Day, when I graduated, when I got married and had to walk down the aisle by myself, when I had both of my children ( I always knew he would be a great Grandpa, yet he never got the chance) all of these days I mourn him.  I think of him often, talk to him and I know he's my strongest guardian angel in Heaven and I look forward to the day I get to see him again, hug him and introduce him officially to my children.  I love you Daddy!!