Blah

So I'm not doing so good on updating like I had planned, not feeling much like a new me, although I have been trying to do lots of organizing, but it's so completely foreign to me, and I have no idea what I'm doing that it just further frustrates and aggravates me.

I'm feeling very bitter right now, hurt by so many things lately, that I need to remember to shake it off and keep moving, but that doesn't always seem so easy. No, this isn't suicide talk or anything crazy like that, it's just hard, hard to breathe, hard to not feel bitter, hard to keep trying when it feels like you're just going backwards. Sucks, but maybe it's the seasonal stuff ( all this ugly weather) that just further amplifies all of it. So I'm having a pity party, and maybe after the party, I'll feel better by releasing it all and things will be great. Hopeful....

New Year

It's a new year, and I'm hoping a new and better me. If you follow this blog, please check back often, as I will be updating more frequently. This year, I am up for making some improvements ( trying to get organized, lose more weight, being less judgemental, more forgiving, etc), but I also want to appreciate the things I can't change. This means accepting people for who they are and what they do, instead of what I feel they should do. It also means accepting myself as well. I'm too critical and set impossible standards. We're all only human, with errors and flaws .

I'd like to learn to let things go, forgive more easily, and laugh more often. We're all so stressed and frankly I feel so frazzled , that I want things to be simpler. One of my resolutions this year was to slow down. My life is so hectic, so packed full of fun things for the kids to do, but I need to learn to slow it down and appreciate the small things. That said, I realized though that I like the chaos in my life. Yes, it's contradictory, but it's what I know. So somehow I guess I need to find a balance. Between hectic and crazy, and slow and steady. Wish me luck on that one. lol

Last year was a rough one. The shop has suffered, Jackson's going through an ultra clingy phase, Elena refuses to do much in the way of education, or the potty. She's a head strong girl, but you know, it will come in due time. My marriage has had a tough year, but I'm praying for a much better year, and I know that through time we have our ups and downs, but after over 20 yrs, we're still here and for the most part on the same page. I broke my foot this past year, have way too many medical bills, I could go on and on. BUT, I won't. Because it's a new year, a fresh start, and I'm looking for a bright new chapter to my life.

I"m looking forward to fun times with my family and friends, getting closer to new friends, losing more weight and looking and feeling great, a family vacation this year, projects on the house, learning how to organize, and making more time for my relationship w/ God.

Christmas

I can't believe it's been a month since I posted. Christmas Eve we went to a friend's house and it was nice to hang out , have a good meal, and we did Dirty Santa. Later that evening it took most of the night to wrap all the kids' gifts. Next year, I will be more organized and get stuff done early., Yep, it's gonna happen. lol

Christmas Day the kids were kind enough to let us sleep in a bit, then we all unwrapped the gifts, they were so excited. They got way too much, like usual, but it was nice to see them so excited. Then we headed to Dickson to be with the family, was a nice laid back evening.

We're off work officially until after New Year's, and John's Dad will be visiting in a few days. The kids are soooo excited! I also want to take the time while we're off to work more consistently on the potty training. I feel bad that E's still not trained, but it's probably more my fault since I haven't been consistent with her, because we're always so busy. Must work harder on this one, need to start doing less.

Turkey time

Lots going on as usual. I just had a birthday, which actually wasn't too bad. Mom took the kids for the weekend, John and I had a date night, got to see Twilight and New Moon with friends, and then went to Mom's for my birthday dinner. All in all, a fairly good weekend.

I treated myself to a couple of piercings for my birthday, it was impulsive, but I'm glad I got the one, the other not so much. My Mother pleasantly surprised me by not totally freaking out, which if you know my Mom, that is an amazing thing.

Well, we were supposed to go to Texas for the holidays, but Jackson has H1N1 and I'm praying the rest of us can remain well. John's still having a hard time with whatever junk he's got, Jackson actually seems to be doing well, I would never think he has the flu, E seems okay, but she might be getting a touch of something. So we're confined to stay home, not go to Texas, not go see my family. It makes you feel a little like a leper, but I'm going to try to remain positive. I'm praying for a nice stress free holiday weekend with my sweet little family.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!

Rest in Peace Leona

This past month just hasn't been a good month for our kitties. It started with having to take Sidney , one of our company cats, and euthanizing her. She could hardly walk, and her health had quickly deteriorated. Then, a couple of weeks later, hubby accidentally turned the dryer on with Jackson's kitty in it. It ran the full cycle and the cat is so lucky that he didn't die. Most of his pads on his feet were burned off, he lost some hair and whiskers, horrible fever for a while, but now you would never know he almost died a couple of weeks ago. Then Friday, our other company cat had the same thing as Sidney happen. Overnight she was gaunt and could barely walk. I took her to the vet, and they had to euthanize her as well. While Leona and I weren't horribly close, I had rescued her as a feral cat at least 12-13 years ago, she was so adorable and while terribly skittish, she just had a sweet nature. I took her passing harder than I thought I would, I just wish the circumstances through the years could have been different. It just hasn't been a good cat month for us. Love you Leona!