Day Thirty

Where do you think you'll be in 5 years?

Not sure, I would think not much would have changed, still be at trophy shop, in my house, etc, but you never know.  Things can change in the blink of an eye so hard to predict.

I hope that the shop will either be sold and John and I will have better jobs, or the shop is running much more smoothly and more profitable.  I hope we have a new home that is big enough for us, that the kids will both be doing well in school, and that things will be going even better than now.  Keeping my fingers crossed ;)

Day Twenty Nine

Write about any particular habits/mannerisms that you have.

I pick my fingers a lot, especially when I'm upset or uncomfortable.

Day Twenty Eight

If you had 3 wishes what would they be?

Lots of money, because with money, you can pay off your debt, buy a bigger house, new car, travel, so many of the things that I would love!

For the health of my friends and family, including me finally getting skinny again, lol.

To be happy, because sometimes it's the little things in life that really matter, and living your life without being happy is just such a waste.

Day Twenty Seven

Name one place you would love to visit one day.

I would love to go to Italy!   The history of such an old world, the architecture, the romance, the food it's just beautiful!  I really can't think of a more beautiful place in the world rich in history, culture, and vino!  lol

Day Twenty Six

Write about something you once loved, but now despise.

Hmm, this is tough because the first things you think of are ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, but really I don't have anybody in my past that I used to love and now despise.  Sure I have past boyfriends and former friends that I don't care for, but either there was never love there or it's just a dislike not a despise.

I guess probably the closest thing is : I used to love going to the pool, all the time.  I've never been a great swimmer, but I used to love to play in the water, now I really don't like going to the pool.  If I was skinnier and had a perfect body, it wouldn't be as horrible, and if the pool was just me and the kids, and nobody could see how pale I am.   Plus you have to shave even more and better than usual.  I typically only shave up to my knee since I never wear shorts, and I don't like to shave my bikini area as often as I should as my skin is very sensitive.  So there you go, something I once loved and now despise.  lol

Day Twenty Five

Write a letter to someone you miss.

Dear Daddy,
It's been 28 years since I last saw you, hugged you, laughed w/ you and I miss you so much!  I miss the way you used to make me laugh, the tight hugs, hearing you call me by my nickname.  So much has gone by and you've missed so much.  I know it wasn't by choice, you never would have left me if it just wastn't your time to go. 

I graduated high school, went to college and fell in love.  Dropped out because I was blinded by love, sorry about that one, not the love but the dropping out.  lol  I got married, boy I really missed you on that day, I chose to walk down the aisle because if I couldn't have you do it, nobody else would do.  You were definitely in my thoughts that day though. 

You missed the birth of my children, the first one a son who's named after you Jackson Randall, and a daughter who would have captivated you just as much if not more than she does me.  You were happy to have two daughters and it didn't bother you at all that you didn't have a son.  I loved hearing the stories from multiple people about how they had never seen a man more in love w/ his kids. 

I definitely share many of your same qualities, and this love that you have for your kids, I now share w/ my kids.  It's hard to imagine the strength of the love you feel, but it's there.  It's undeniable, indescribable, unbreakable. 

I still think of you often, and one day whenever God sees fit, I will see you again.  I'll hug you and laugh w/ you, make up for all of these lost years.  Until then, I take comfort in knowing you watch over and protect me and my family.  I love you always and forever <3  Your Sugar

Day Twenty Four

How has your week been?

Well this week has definitely had its share of ups and downs.  I was still in my depressed state earlier in the week, but fortunately that lifted and I've been in a great mood.    Work has been crazy, John broke a tooth, I had 3 nights this week w/ friends, and I hosted a baby shower.  whew!!!

Day Twenty Three

Describe what you spend most of your time on.

I spend most of my time catering to my kids.  I'm slowly learning they can be more independent, so I'm trying to cut the strings a little more.  Second would be the computer, I spend WAY too much time on the computer.

Day Twenty Two

Do you play a sport?  Tell us about it.  If not, talk about a hobby you may have.

No I don't play any sports, I'm very un-athletic. I can play tennis just a little, bowl almost worse than my kids, and that's about the extent of my sports.  lol

As for hobbies, not many of those either. lol  I love to play on the internet, I'm trying to learn to be a little more creative, doing crafts and stuff, but it's not coming easy.  I'd like to learn how to paint, play a musical instrument, scrapbook a little and do all sorts of cute crafts,

Day Twenty One

How has your life changed over the past year?

Well, it's been a lot of ups and downs, but things are better this year than last year.

Although I'm having to work more, I am having so much fun w/ the kids and Elena and I are closer than ever.  Things typically are pretty good w/ DH, probably better than last year.  I've lost some friends, who come to find out were never really friends anyway, and gained lots of new ones.  Some of the emotional baggage is gone , funny how that happens when you get rid of the wrong people.  lol.  Also even though I will always have my depression issues, I actually find it a lot easier to be positive and it is starting to come more naturally.  Not saying I'm anywhere near where I want to be, but hey, progress is still progress and I'll take it :)

Day Twenty

What did you eat today?

Well this was supposed to be posted yesterday so I will tell what I ate yesterday.

I had awful leftover chinese food for lunch, and for dinner, we had book club at Camino Real so I had a taco and a burrito.

Day Nineteen

Write about your last birthday and how you plan to spend your upcoming birthday

Last year, I didn't really throw a birthday party, but I did have a sex toy party the weekend of my birthday and some of my friends brought me a cake and we drank tons of booze and had a great time!

This year I'm not sure what I'll be doing.  I would love a huge party or a little weekend getaway as this is going to be huge birthday 40, yikes!!!

Day Eighteen

Post one confession/secret

I'm pretty open and honest, so I really probably don't have any sort of secrets that at least somebody doesn't know about.

I guess I will do a confession:

If my husband isn't home, I have a hard time going to be by myself, I usually just leave the tv on and fall asleep

Day Seventeen

Bullet your day

Ok, so not even sure what the heck that means, and with the week I've had, I'm going to choose to interpret that as skip my day.  lol

Day Sixteen

Upload a picture of your room, talk about your room.

Ok, not doing this one, as my room is currently a mess, full of clean laundry still in baskets.  The walls are purple, which I hate, and the bedding on it is brown.  I can't wait to re-paint our room and redecorate it in animal print.  I'll take a before and after picture and post when we finally do it.

Day Fifteen

Write about something that you worry about a lot.

I'm a big worrier anyway, but the most common currently is money/my business, and dying.  I know it's a natural part of life, and we all are going to die, but since I'm getting older, I'm a lot more aware of it and since I have children, I have so much more to lose now.

Day Fourteen

Post about your favorite book, favorite movie, favorite band, and favorite food.

My favorite book: A Tale of Two Cities and the Shack

My favorite movie:  When Harry Met Sally

My favorite band:  was Pantera, current band Disturbed

My favorite food: cheese dip

Day Thirteen

What are your plans for the future?  Far and near?

Near plans for the future are to have fun w/ the kids.  Picnics at the park, riding bikes, swimming pool, playing outside.  Hopefully a beach trip before the fall.

Far plans: to make the shop better , run smoother,etc.  Possibly go back to school.  I think that might be really fun, but terrifying although I don't think John wants me to .  To watch my kids grow up, teach them to be the best adults they can be and watch them marry and start their own families.

Day Twelve

Write about the worst day of your life.

The worst day of my life was the day my father died.  I was eleven, going through that awkward pre-adolescence struggling trying times of my life.  I was always a Daddy's girl, even though my parents were separated and he was living in Texas while we were in TN.  I idolized my Dad, I didn't know of his faults, he was just my Dad, the man who loved me unconditionally, always hugging me and calling me his "sugar",  who made me laugh, and was always there to play and joke around or just to give you a needed hug.  When he died, I went to his funeral and even though my family tried to pull me away as they lowered his body into the Earth, I had to be there for it, I had to see that this was real, that the man I loved more than anything or anybody in the world was being laid to rest and was gone.  Like really gone. 

It caused me to blame my mother for not agreeing to take him back.  If only....  If only she hadn't left him, if only she had let me live w/ him, he would still be alive.  He would still be there for me, instead of in the cold ground, leaving me alone.  All alone.  Yes I had my Mother and sister, but they were a pair, like two peas in a pod, my other half, my sweet Daddy, had left me.  It left me with much anger, and I had quite the troubled childhood.  I was rebellious, and got into trouble.  I hated my Mom, she didn't deserve it, but I needed someone to blame.  I later found out all the problems that my Dad had, that his death, even though accidental was of his own doing.  It knocked him off the pedestal I had for him, but I love him.  I will always love him, through all of his faults, he was my father.  To me he was an excellent Dad, funny, kind, caring and compassionate. He never let a day go by without letting me know how much he loved me.  I'm very much like my father, we share all the same good and bad qualities.  He's been gone 28 years now and while the hurt is a little less, I still feel it.  On the anniversary of his death, I mourn him, on his birthday, on Father's Day, when I graduated, when I got married and had to walk down the aisle by myself, when I had both of my children ( I always knew he would be a great Grandpa, yet he never got the chance) all of these days I mourn him.  I think of him often, talk to him and I know he's my strongest guardian angel in Heaven and I look forward to the day I get to see him again, hug him and introduce him officially to my children.  I love you Daddy!!

Day Eleven

Write about the best day of your life.

Easy and transparent, the birth of my children.  I would imagine if I had to pick one it was the day that I had Jackson because it is indescribable the emotions you go through that you've never experienced before going from a childless woman to a mother.  We had no idea if Jackson was going to be a boy or girl, although my insticts told me boy.  He was this perfect beautiful little baby, who had made me so sick for about 5 months, and 20+ hours of labor later, he was in my arms.  I wept, I have never in my life been so happy, and experienced such complete and unconditional love for anything in my life.  I thought I knew what love was about, but seriously the love you have as a mother, there's just no greater.  I would forgive my children anything, I would sacrifice anything for them, they are my world.  I have to add that I was blessed to have Elena 3 years later, and while having a daughter is scary stuff, she amazes, entertains and thoroughly enchants me everyday.