Tonight was a stressful evening and it showed in the way I treated my hubby and kids. After I hung up on hubby, mad about him working late as usual, it hit me. It's time for an adjustment in my attitude. I tend to be a very negative person by nature, but I truly want to and am working on being more positive. It's not easy, but it's important, so I keep chugging along.
Instead of being annoyed that hubby is working late as usual, I should be thankful that not only does he have a job, but that there is business to be done instead of none.
Instead of being annoyed that I am left to take care of the kids by myself after working all day, again, feeling like a single mom, I should be thankful that he will eventually come home, and that this crazy time shall pass.
Instead of being annoyed that my kids want to spend all of their time with me and I can't get anything done, I should be thankful that not only do I have two wonderful and adorable kids, but that they actually want to spend all of their time with me because they love me. That in time they won't want to hang with dear old mom, because I will embarrass and ruin their lives and I will be missing these days of adoring children.
Instead of feeling badly about myself because I don't look the way I want to look I should be thankful that I am alive, can see, hear, don't have any deformities and am relatively healthy.
Instead of feeling like everyone has it better than me, or that I am a failure, or putting myself down, I should be thankful that I have a husband who thinks I'm smart and sexy and loves me, children who adore me, a roof over my head, food in my tummy ( well actually wine in my tummy, but dinner will be in a minute, lol), a car that runs, my own business, things certainly could be worse. Overall, I have a good life. I mean what I say, and say what I mean, and I think I'm actually a pretty fun and cool chick. So I am happy for my life today, and try to focus on what I have instead of have not.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Can you teach an old dog new tricks?
Do you really think you can change who you are, what you think, etc, and actually keep those changes for the rest of your life, or that you gradually just slip back into your normal scheme of things? I've been working this year on being more positive, trying to adjust my attitude, appreciating what I have, etc, and it's been a bit of a rollercoaster. It seems I can do it for a few minutes, days, whatnot, but I can't keep it going for any long period of time. It's kind of like if drink water, but in your mind it tasted like wine. How do you just totally re-train your brain like that, without mind altering drugs? lol
So since I am not in the best of moods, and things have not been good, I will just quickly let you know what's been going on. Elena got Hand Foot Mouth Disease her FIRST week in daycare.
The new daycare does have a spot open for Jackson in the next couple of weeks, which is good, but scary, since I know Jackson will probably fight me on it and I hate for him to leave his good friends, but this is just something that we need to do. It will also be sad to say goodbye to some of the people for us at his old school, we tend to be loyal, and we genuinely like a few of the people there.
We found out Jackson didn't make it into the Walter Hill pre-K program. Apparently his speech isn't as good as I thought it was. There were only 3 spots and they said he didn't pass the speech portion and should look into a further evaluation. Aaargh!! I was really surprised since we think he speaks pretty well and he has such a huge vocabulary. Oh well, I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. It still stings though. I'm really taking this one hard.
I got a new tattoo on the one year anniversary of my fave cat's death. I got a paw print with an S in the middle of it. I put it on the nape of my neck, which is where Sebastian used to knead on my neck. I miss him and thought it would be a nice tribute. I was surprised that it hurt more than I thought, my previous two tattoos didn't hurt at all. The other thing that sucks is I'm going to have to have it re-done. He didn't get it all colored in dark enough, plus the S is going to need work. I might get the S done by somebody else and have him just do the black paw part. sigh
I got my refund back, which is good, but it's pretty well spent on bills, oh the fun, but it's necessary. Elena is becoming a Daddy's girl, which I had been hoping for, but now that it's a reality, it's a bit of a tough pill to swallow. When I pick her up from daycare, it's like she doesn't care at all, but when Daddy comes woo hoo it's a party. Stings, but it's true, be careful what you wish for. I'm having a bit of a hard time with bonding with her right now, our groove is a little off, and my emotions have been running very low. It'll get better, but it sure would be nice to already be in the better phase.
Jackson's a doll, he's just such a loving little guy, and thank goodness he's still a Mama's boy. What would I do without my little man?
So these are the happenings in my boring little life, and if you've made it this far, you're a true friend or you're just really bored with nothing to do. lol
So since I am not in the best of moods, and things have not been good, I will just quickly let you know what's been going on. Elena got Hand Foot Mouth Disease her FIRST week in daycare.
The new daycare does have a spot open for Jackson in the next couple of weeks, which is good, but scary, since I know Jackson will probably fight me on it and I hate for him to leave his good friends, but this is just something that we need to do. It will also be sad to say goodbye to some of the people for us at his old school, we tend to be loyal, and we genuinely like a few of the people there.
We found out Jackson didn't make it into the Walter Hill pre-K program. Apparently his speech isn't as good as I thought it was. There were only 3 spots and they said he didn't pass the speech portion and should look into a further evaluation. Aaargh!! I was really surprised since we think he speaks pretty well and he has such a huge vocabulary. Oh well, I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. It still stings though. I'm really taking this one hard.
I got a new tattoo on the one year anniversary of my fave cat's death. I got a paw print with an S in the middle of it. I put it on the nape of my neck, which is where Sebastian used to knead on my neck. I miss him and thought it would be a nice tribute. I was surprised that it hurt more than I thought, my previous two tattoos didn't hurt at all. The other thing that sucks is I'm going to have to have it re-done. He didn't get it all colored in dark enough, plus the S is going to need work. I might get the S done by somebody else and have him just do the black paw part. sigh
I got my refund back, which is good, but it's pretty well spent on bills, oh the fun, but it's necessary. Elena is becoming a Daddy's girl, which I had been hoping for, but now that it's a reality, it's a bit of a tough pill to swallow. When I pick her up from daycare, it's like she doesn't care at all, but when Daddy comes woo hoo it's a party. Stings, but it's true, be careful what you wish for. I'm having a bit of a hard time with bonding with her right now, our groove is a little off, and my emotions have been running very low. It'll get better, but it sure would be nice to already be in the better phase.
Jackson's a doll, he's just such a loving little guy, and thank goodness he's still a Mama's boy. What would I do without my little man?
So these are the happenings in my boring little life, and if you've made it this far, you're a true friend or you're just really bored with nothing to do. lol
Monday, March 24, 2008
The good, the bad, and the bunny
This month has just been a whirlwind. Elena went to Jackson's daycare for 2 days, which didn't go so well, but I finally found a daycare that had an opening that I liked. I was so relieved to not only find a good school, but the fact that they are squeezing her in, makes me very happy. They won't have an opening for Jackson until May, but at least this gives me a good opportunity to make sure I like the school before I move him. I really hope he will like it there. It seems like they concentrate on education a little more than at his current school.
Jackson got tested for the peer program at Walter Hill and I am praying that it went well. He apparently impressed some of the teachers, they even made a note of it on his form and wanted one of the woman who I suppose makes the decision to meet him. Please keep your fingers crossed. If he gets in, not only can I be assured that it's a good program and he will learn everything he needs to learn for Kindergarten, but he'll be at an actual school so he can get used to that, a close friend of ours is a teacher at the same school as well, so he can keep his eyes on him, but also saving $8,000 a year will be awesome!
So Elena had her first day at the new school, and apparently it went well, other than she didn't eat very well, and when John to come pick her up, she was eating her baby fruit snacks, and started choking. The teacher gave her a little heimlich and she was fine, just a little shaken. I'm so glad I wasn't there, I would have been freaked. I am REALLY hating this new schedule of working all week, and my little girl being gone! I'm hoping in the coming months, that I can change my schedule around a little and do more part-time work, and more kid time at home.
I'm still working on the positivity, but it's been a little tough. I am just in a real funk, and it just seems like so much in my life isn't going the way I want or planned, and it's a little discouraging. John's stressed and then I get stressed and it just isn't good sometimes. I said the most hateful thing to him today, and I feel bad that I did, but the worse part was I really meant it, at least at that moment. I tend to be one of those passionate people who lives in the moment and I have a hard time distinguishing from just a fight and hate. It's awful and I really need to work on it.
My Mom kept the kids Saturday night, so John and I had a date. We went to Olive Garden and I used my gift card I won at Bunco. It was good. I had a pomegranate martini and the Chicken Fontina. Pretty good, but I guess I am just spoiled by how good Marina's is. We went to go see Vantage Point after and it was a pretty good movie. It was just bizarre because John and I had just had a conversation about what do they do if a movie doesn't have an audience, do they still play it? Well, we went to a theater in Nashville that had hardly anybody there, and when we got there, we were a little late, so we thought the movie would have already started. Wrong. The movie wasn't even going, and the theater was EMPTY! So we sat there waiting for the movie to begin, which it didn't, so John had to go tell them to start it. It was so odd being the only people there. Of course John would have liked to go in the backrow for a little bit of romance, but I had eaten way too much at Olive Garden, lol. It was really nice to have some couple time, but I swear, when I don't have my kids, I feel like I'm missing a limb or something. We went to my Aunt's house on Easter Sunday to pick them up and I was just so thrilled to see them. I dressed Elena up in a beautiful little dress and even though she wouldn't cooperate for any really good pictures, John still got some that showed how adorable she looked. I'll have to get him to post some soon.
It was nice doing the egg hunt, and Elena is actually pretty good at finding the eggs, she's even better finding jelly beans, man she really likes jelly beans. lol It was just very nice.
Jackson got tested for the peer program at Walter Hill and I am praying that it went well. He apparently impressed some of the teachers, they even made a note of it on his form and wanted one of the woman who I suppose makes the decision to meet him. Please keep your fingers crossed. If he gets in, not only can I be assured that it's a good program and he will learn everything he needs to learn for Kindergarten, but he'll be at an actual school so he can get used to that, a close friend of ours is a teacher at the same school as well, so he can keep his eyes on him, but also saving $8,000 a year will be awesome!
So Elena had her first day at the new school, and apparently it went well, other than she didn't eat very well, and when John to come pick her up, she was eating her baby fruit snacks, and started choking. The teacher gave her a little heimlich and she was fine, just a little shaken. I'm so glad I wasn't there, I would have been freaked. I am REALLY hating this new schedule of working all week, and my little girl being gone! I'm hoping in the coming months, that I can change my schedule around a little and do more part-time work, and more kid time at home.
I'm still working on the positivity, but it's been a little tough. I am just in a real funk, and it just seems like so much in my life isn't going the way I want or planned, and it's a little discouraging. John's stressed and then I get stressed and it just isn't good sometimes. I said the most hateful thing to him today, and I feel bad that I did, but the worse part was I really meant it, at least at that moment. I tend to be one of those passionate people who lives in the moment and I have a hard time distinguishing from just a fight and hate. It's awful and I really need to work on it.
My Mom kept the kids Saturday night, so John and I had a date. We went to Olive Garden and I used my gift card I won at Bunco. It was good. I had a pomegranate martini and the Chicken Fontina. Pretty good, but I guess I am just spoiled by how good Marina's is. We went to go see Vantage Point after and it was a pretty good movie. It was just bizarre because John and I had just had a conversation about what do they do if a movie doesn't have an audience, do they still play it? Well, we went to a theater in Nashville that had hardly anybody there, and when we got there, we were a little late, so we thought the movie would have already started. Wrong. The movie wasn't even going, and the theater was EMPTY! So we sat there waiting for the movie to begin, which it didn't, so John had to go tell them to start it. It was so odd being the only people there. Of course John would have liked to go in the backrow for a little bit of romance, but I had eaten way too much at Olive Garden, lol. It was really nice to have some couple time, but I swear, when I don't have my kids, I feel like I'm missing a limb or something. We went to my Aunt's house on Easter Sunday to pick them up and I was just so thrilled to see them. I dressed Elena up in a beautiful little dress and even though she wouldn't cooperate for any really good pictures, John still got some that showed how adorable she looked. I'll have to get him to post some soon.
It was nice doing the egg hunt, and Elena is actually pretty good at finding the eggs, she's even better finding jelly beans, man she really likes jelly beans. lol It was just very nice.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
The scariest day of my life
Today has officially been the scariest day of my life, and trust me I have had my share of scary days, but today I saw my life flash in front of my eyes! We were at the Smyrna park, which was PACKED, John, me, Jackson, Elena, my Mom, Aunt, and nephew. My Aunt and I had been talking about how I never lose sight of my kids, and she was telling me these horrible stories about attempted kidnappings. Anyway, so we were all playing and having fun. I had Elena, and I THOUGHT John was watching the boys, apparently my Mom had been watching the boys play hide and seek, so John thought she was watching them the whole time, and he was just watching them a bit. So he noticed he couldn't see Jackson, and then asked if I knew where he was, I totally freaked, we started searching the entire playground. I was holding Elena at the time, and was starting to really freak because my nephew said he didn't know where he was, they had been playing hide and seek. So I gave Elena to my Aunt, and we're frantically calling him, running around the whole playground, people are staring at me. I swear I have never been so afraid in my life!
This all happened in just a matter of probably a minute or two, and while I know some people probably wouldn't have been terrified, I am not used to just letting the kids go without watching them the whole time. I don't even feel comfortable letting Jackson go in CEC without me knowing where he is the whole time. I just saw my life flash in front of my eyes, never seeing him again, Elena being the only sibling, etc, I was just completely utterly horrified. I was afraid that maybe somebody taking him ( thanks Aunt Les for the horror stories, when I already worry enough) or even just him wandering off and getting lost somewhere. So he heard us calling, and came out from his hiding spot, I see John walking up with him, and I just run for him, hugging him with tears welling up in my eyes. It took me quite a few minutes to calm down, stop the tears, and collect myself. Maybe a little dramatic for some, but I honestly can't live my life without my children, it would kill me, or might as well, because I truly wouldn't have a reason for living. I had to send the kids off with my Mom and Aunt for a minute while John just held me trying to get me to calm down.
Right after this fiasco, John was holding me trying to calm me and we see a Mom chasing her one son, while holding the other son. He was running into the parking lot and I swear he was only like two feet away from getting hit. John and I are watching this like it's in slow motion and we scream " Stop". Fortunately the car saw him, just as they were about to hit him. It was just awful!!! So after all of this horror, I decided I had enough of a scare for one day, and we headed home.
On the way home, Jackson and I had another talk about strangers and what to do if a stranger tries to get him to go with him. We spent the whole ride talking about it, and I hope he remembers and practices what I taught him. So I am just feeling thankful for having both of my children safe at home.
This all happened in just a matter of probably a minute or two, and while I know some people probably wouldn't have been terrified, I am not used to just letting the kids go without watching them the whole time. I don't even feel comfortable letting Jackson go in CEC without me knowing where he is the whole time. I just saw my life flash in front of my eyes, never seeing him again, Elena being the only sibling, etc, I was just completely utterly horrified. I was afraid that maybe somebody taking him ( thanks Aunt Les for the horror stories, when I already worry enough) or even just him wandering off and getting lost somewhere. So he heard us calling, and came out from his hiding spot, I see John walking up with him, and I just run for him, hugging him with tears welling up in my eyes. It took me quite a few minutes to calm down, stop the tears, and collect myself. Maybe a little dramatic for some, but I honestly can't live my life without my children, it would kill me, or might as well, because I truly wouldn't have a reason for living. I had to send the kids off with my Mom and Aunt for a minute while John just held me trying to get me to calm down.
Right after this fiasco, John was holding me trying to calm me and we see a Mom chasing her one son, while holding the other son. He was running into the parking lot and I swear he was only like two feet away from getting hit. John and I are watching this like it's in slow motion and we scream " Stop". Fortunately the car saw him, just as they were about to hit him. It was just awful!!! So after all of this horror, I decided I had enough of a scare for one day, and we headed home.
On the way home, Jackson and I had another talk about strangers and what to do if a stranger tries to get him to go with him. We spent the whole ride talking about it, and I hope he remembers and practices what I taught him. So I am just feeling thankful for having both of my children safe at home.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Back on track
Well, I had been in a pretty bad mood last week, and had also been pretty bitter this week about having to work at the shop so much instead of enjoying my new schedule of working at home. It's funny, I hadn't really had the new schedule that long, I guess just long enough to get spoiled by it. I'm really surprised by how much working at home has changed me. I never in a million years would have thought I would want to be a stay at home mom, just never seemed my bag, but now, to my amazement, I would absolutely LOVE to stay at home! Now mind you, this isn't really an option, which added to my bitterness, for you stay at home Moms I hope you really count your blessings.
Anyway, I also felt a twinge of guilt for now feeling this way, when I never felt that way when Jackson was a baby. No I don't love Elena more or Jackson less, it's just circumstances are different now. I'm older and try to appreciate Elena's baby years, whereas with Jackson I was just anxious for him to be a toddler. I never really was much of a baby person, and I still prefer kids when they are walking, talking, exhibiting so much of their personalities, but I also know that there are so many precious moments when they are babies and everything is so brand new for them. They can be in total awe of something so simple as discovering their hand. I also know this time goes by much too quickly. Also Elena is an easier baby in the regards that she can be put down for a nap which allows me some time to get things done. With Jackson I couldn't get him to nap, and I never got anything done as I was always holding him. It just stresses me to not be able to get anything accomplished. So the working at home, and enjoying my precious babe, is a wonderful thing and it is so much more relaxing for me, that I wish I could just keep things this way forever, but times change and I know all too soon, Elena will have to go into daycare at least part time. It saddens me, but it makes me appreciate this time all the more. Gee, am I being sentimental tonight or what? lol
So, I am feeling better today, realizing I have to make the most of what I have, that I can't change certain circumstances, and just happy that after busting my butt at work today, I got to pick my sweet little girl up from MDO and watch her saying "woof" when you ask what a dog says, and take her home to spend a little time with her before putting her down for a nap and getting some things done. It's a good day indeed!!!
Anyway, I also felt a twinge of guilt for now feeling this way, when I never felt that way when Jackson was a baby. No I don't love Elena more or Jackson less, it's just circumstances are different now. I'm older and try to appreciate Elena's baby years, whereas with Jackson I was just anxious for him to be a toddler. I never really was much of a baby person, and I still prefer kids when they are walking, talking, exhibiting so much of their personalities, but I also know that there are so many precious moments when they are babies and everything is so brand new for them. They can be in total awe of something so simple as discovering their hand. I also know this time goes by much too quickly. Also Elena is an easier baby in the regards that she can be put down for a nap which allows me some time to get things done. With Jackson I couldn't get him to nap, and I never got anything done as I was always holding him. It just stresses me to not be able to get anything accomplished. So the working at home, and enjoying my precious babe, is a wonderful thing and it is so much more relaxing for me, that I wish I could just keep things this way forever, but times change and I know all too soon, Elena will have to go into daycare at least part time. It saddens me, but it makes me appreciate this time all the more. Gee, am I being sentimental tonight or what? lol
So, I am feeling better today, realizing I have to make the most of what I have, that I can't change certain circumstances, and just happy that after busting my butt at work today, I got to pick my sweet little girl up from MDO and watch her saying "woof" when you ask what a dog says, and take her home to spend a little time with her before putting her down for a nap and getting some things done. It's a good day indeed!!!
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